Rough Ride (Chaos #5)(37)

I could see this about Snap and not just the fact that, knowing this, I realized he had a tennis player’s body, if that tennis player was Boris Becker.

“I read,” he continued. “I ride. I don’t play tennis anymore and haven’t since high school but when I did, I liked it. I got my properties and those are mine. I buy them. I manage them. Brothers might help out fixin’ them up, but the vision and the follow-through is all on me.”

“Okay,” I said when he stopped talking.

“But back then, whatever I got into doing, I went home to my family. I was the middle kid but I didn’t get any of that middle kid mindfuck bullshit because they were the way they were. Totally not like me but they didn’t make me feel like an outsider because I was how I was. They gave me space to be me. They came to my matches. I went to their shit. I didn’t exist among them. I was part of them as who I was, not how they wished I would be. That’s still my place. They get together a lot more than I get with them, but when I show, I’m just as much a part of my family as the rest of them. It’s just that I’m not into family game night every two weeks and they don’t give a shit I’m not. They’re happy for me to show when I want to show. They take me when I want to give them time and they leave me be when I’m not feelin’ it.”

“That’s cool,” I said when he paused.

“I wanted more of that,” he shared. “I wanted to be around people who let me be me. I didn’t want to be in a corporate situation where it was about toeing the line or clawing to the top. I didn’t want to be in a different situation where every day was the same until you realized your life was a long line of drudgery. I wanted a family but I wanted that with freedom.”

“That makes sense,” I noted.

“And since I ride, since my bike is a big part of my life, since that freedom is the biggest part of me, I found a brotherhood that shared the same ideals. And the biggest part of those ideals, I give it to them and they give it to me. That ‘it’ being, I let the brothers be the brothers and all the brothers let me be me.”

“I love that you found that, Snapper,” I said softly.

“I do too, Rosie,” he returned. “And the point I’m makin’ with that is, if I wanna hole up in my room in the Compound and read a book, I can. Then I can walk right out and share a beer with a brother. I can be alone, but I’m never alone. Are you with me?”

I was with him.

And I was breathing funny.

“Babe, are you with me?” he pushed when I said nothing.

“I’m with you, honey,” I forced out.

“I got somethin’ on my mind, I go to Tack. I go to High. I go to Hop or Pete. Or I go to my dad or my brother. I don’t wanna ride alone, Joke goes out with me. Or Boz. Or Hound. I can put in a kitchen but that’s not my thing, how it should look, so if I need to buy a sink that works for one of my places, Tyra helps me. Or my sister helps me. Or my mom tells me what she thinks would work.”

“That’s all important, but what I’m saying about me at this point in my life is different than all that,” I told him carefully.

“You think if my mom died or something ugly happened to my sister that those brothers and their women wouldn’t be all about being there for me?” he asked.

I looked at my toes.

“Rosalie,” he growled.

“They would,” I whispered.

“It isn’t about havin’ someone to share a beer with, even when it is. It isn’t about havin’ someone to do a ride with, even when it’s that too. It’s about making the conscious decision to surround myself with good people so when life is good, I got someone to share that with, and when life turns to shit, I got someone who’ll help hold me steady.”

Now I was deep breathing.

“Life, Rosie,” he said gently, “is not about goin’ it alone. It’s about finding the right people to share it with who will make it better when it’s good and be there to hold you steady when it’s not.”

“But I’m bouncing from guy to guy to guy,” I pointed out.

“You’re living your life and you aren’t doin’ it latchin’ on to men to take care of you. You’re doin’ it and men are drifting through your life while that’s happening. They weren’t the right ones and right now, that’s good for me, because I wanna be that one. But they aren’t anything except that they were. They were in your life. And you moved on or they moved on or whatever. You wanna be with somebody, that does not make you weak, Rosie. In most cases, finding it in you to take the risk to trust your time and your heart to someone makes you strong. But in all cases, wanting to share your life with other people just makes you human.”

“You’ve got it totally figured out,” I muttered.

“No, Rosie, I got dick figured out,” he retorted. “Only thing I know for certain is, so far, I lucked out and made good decisions in my life, and one of them is you. The you that it doesn’t mean shit you got a scar cuttin’ ’cross your brow like it wouldn’t mean shit you put on fifty pounds like it wouldn’t mean shit you aged thirty years. You’re Rosie. And no matter what, you’ll always be beautiful.”

My throat sounded clogged when I pushed through it, “I don’t think you need to come back anymore, Snapper.”