Reign the Earth (The Elementae #1)(11)

“You—watching you today, dancing with your family, you can become those things to me, Shalia. A king … a king has little place in his life for emotion, for weakness. But I believe that you will make me stronger. I believe that you will save my people.”

So many thoughts stuttered and stopped, tripping over one another in my mind. I wanted to save my people too. I wanted family and peace. But how could we have family without emotion? Was emotion the same as weakness? I had never known it as such.

Before I could say anything, he caught a bit of my hair and tugged me gently forward. He pressed his mouth to mine, slowly, and petted my hair. He opened his mouth, and I mimicked him.

I didn’t feel love, or lust, or heat. I felt frightened and far too aware of where my hands were and how to move my head.

He stopped kissing me as he took off his clothes. “It will only hurt once,” he said. “And then we will have a family together. And our peoples will have peace.”

I wanted all those things. Family, children, and peace. I nodded, trying to want this. To want him.

When he got into the bed with me, to my utter shame, I cried. His hands touched my arms, and a sudden, desperate instinct to flee rose up in me and I tried to push him off.

“Stop,” he said, holding me fast, his hands gripping my arms. I froze, feeling tears slide out the side of my eyes. He sighed, and his hands gentled and rubbed the skin on my arms until I could take a breath. “Stop,” he said again, even though I was already still, panicked beneath him. He swallowed, his throat bobbing and moving, and he sat up, backing away from me. He turned from me and sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing his face.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, the first words I’d spoken since he’d come into the room.

He didn’t look at me. “Maybe this was a mistake.”

Even as a tiny flutter of hope lifted my heart that perhaps I wouldn’t have to do this, my stomach felt like lead. “If we don’t consummate the marriage, it will be invalid.”

He turned and looked at me with an edge of suspicion. “Is that what you want?”

Silently, I shook my head. No. I had come this far, and I couldn’t fail now. It will be wondrous, my mother had said. The most loving, intimate act two people can share with each other. I clung to her words.

“Tell me about your home,” he said, and I drew in a breath, confused.

“My home?” I repeated.

He gave a ragged sigh. “Yes,” he said. “Or ask me a question. Talk to me of anything until this doesn’t seem quite so frightening for you.”

I both appreciated his kindness and also felt a sting in his words that made me feel like I was failing in my duty, but I drew my knees up, hugging them. “Was that the only reason you wanted to marry me?” I asked softly. “For peace?”

He looked at me, his eyes sharp and assessing. “I want to embrace the desert with friendship instead of arms,” he said, but the answer still felt coy to me. “Why do you ask?”

“You want to send your men to the desert,” I reminded him.

He nodded, leaning back on the bed. “Yes, my quaesitori gather knowledge and intelligence. We know so little of the desert. And of course, it’s rumored that your brother is gathering Trifectate dissenters to the desert.”

“What is it you wish to know of desert ways?” I asked, ignoring the part about Rian. He would never endanger us by bringing his rebellion here—Father, if nothing else, would never allow it.

He drew a slow breath, and the suspicious edge was back in his eyes. “Can I trust you, wife?”

“Of course,” I told him, frowning.

“I’m searching for something. Something infinitely precious to me.”

The lake. “What is it?” I asked, my heart beating faster.

“What do you know about sorcery?” he asked me.

“Do you mean the Vis peoples, the islanders?” I asked, averting my eyes from his. “I know they’re gone.”

“They are no longer one and the same,” he told me. “The Vis may have disappeared, but their foul magic has spread—we have seen it even in the Trifectate.”

I looked at him, unsure how to respond, unwilling to betray how much I knew about such magic. “Foul?” I asked.

“Oh yes,” he said, shaking his head. “Their power deceives and destroys. It can burn a house to ash and take the air from your lungs. It is truly the darkest threat of all. Because of that, I’m searching for an elixir that renders their powers useless,” he said. “It is the only way to ensure peace and safety for my kingdom, my family.” He looked at me a moment. “Our family.”

“But couldn’t the powers also be used for good?” I asked. I had never known Kata’s power to hurt us—in fact, her ability to find water in the desert often meant the difference between life and death.

He didn’t look at me, and he was still a long time. “There’s a prophecy,” he said quietly, “that an Elementa will be the one to kill me. My father thought he prevented that prophecy from coming true, but now …” He stopped, then sighed and shook his head. “That power has taken everything from me. Everything I ever cared about. It is the single most vicious, dangerous thing in this world. And if I don’t get that elixir, it will take my life.”