Reign (The Sainthood - Boys of Lowell High #3)(26)

My eyes meet Saint’s, noting his concern. He’s terrified she’ll say no, and for more reasons than he’ll ever admit.

“You’re really serious about this?” Her eyes roam between us as she poses the question.

“We are,” Saint affirms, tightening his grip on her hand.

“But only if you want to,” Theo says, getting up and squeezing onto the couch beside her. He cups her face. “We love you, and we want to protect you.”

Lo swivels so she’s looking Theo right in the eye. I can almost hear my cousin’s heart beating way too fast as fear takes hold of him.

When we talked about this, we agreed the decision on who she would marry would be Lo’s. That we wouldn’t influence her or disagree with her choice. But I know my cousin inside and out. He’s more like my brother, and we’ve grown up practically joined at the hip. I know the way his mind works, and I know how desperately he craves love. We both do, but I’ve already resigned myself to the fact it won’t be me. And I’m cool with that.

But Saint Lennox will be devastated if she doesn’t pick him.

He won’t show it, but I’ll know.

Right now, he’s looking at the way Lo and Theo are huddled together, touching intimately, their connection strong and unbreakable, forged when they were younger and consolidated when they reunited. Caz casts a glance at me, and I know he thinks it too—that she’ll choose Theo.

He’s the obvious choice, and he’ll make a great husband.

“This is nuts.” She chews on the corner of her lip, and I’ve never seen her so unsure. She doesn’t know what to say, so who the fuck knows what’s going through her mind.

“Is it?” Theo quirks a brow. “We’ve already decided we want you in our lives.”

“Permanently,” Saint adds, rubbing a hand up and down his thigh.

She looks back at him, and they stare at one another for a couple beats.

“We thought you wanted that too,” Caz says.

“I do. You’re my future.” She’s quick to reassure us, and there’s no hint of uncertainty in that statement, so we all visibly relax. Sitting back, she tucks her hair behind her ears, tipping her chin up as she regains her usual composure. “If we do this, who will I marry?” Her gaze jumps between us.

“That’s for you to decide,” I say.

“You can’t ask me to choose!” She looks horrified as she shakes her head. “Because I can’t choose. I want you all.”

“Legally, you can only marry one of us,” Theo says. “But nothing will change outside that piece of paper,” he adds. “Our relationship will continue as it has been.”

She frowns. “I thought you said I couldn’t be shared?” She scrunches up her nose. “I don’t want to hide what we have. That’s not what I’m about. What we’re about.”

“You won’t have to hide anything,” Saint says as she plants her hand on his thigh, stopping his jerky movements. “Your husband can decide to share you with his friends and make it clear you are off-limits to everyone else.”

“It’s such sexist bullshit.” Her nostrils flare. “I should be the one deciding who I fuck.”

“Are you really surprised?” Caz asks. “You’ve seen the way The Sainthood works. Women are possessions, playthings, nothing more.”

“Yet Sinner needs women to help divert attention from the authorities. He’s such a fucking hypocrite.”

“He didn’t write those rules,” Saint says, not defending the asshole, just stating a fact.

“I’m surprised he hasn’t changed it,” she scoffs.

“He’ll probably try at some point, but all rule changes have to go to a vote, and the majority of married members don’t share their wives, so I doubt he’d succeed,” I say.

“And there’s no other way?” she asks.

Saint glares at her. “You make it sound like a fucking chore. Would marrying one of us really be so bad?”

Fuck. My heart hurts for my cousin. He’s tied into knots over this, and I don’t know if Lo even realizes.

“That’s not what I meant.” She kisses him softly. “Marriage is a big deal, and I don’t want any of you to feel obligated. If we do this, it doesn’t mean this has to be real.”

Saint growls, narrowing his eyes. “Why the fuck wouldn’t it be real?”

“Stop misconstruing my words!” She exhales heavily. “I don’t want to be a burden, all right?” She yanks her hands from his, dropping her head, her chest heaving. “This whole situation makes me uncomfortable. I shouldn’t need you guys to save me. I should be able to save myself. This makes me feel…weak and like I’m losing control.”

“You’re the strongest person we know, Lo,” Saint says, his temper dialing down.

“And it’s not weak to rely on the people who care about you,” I say.

“We’re a team,” Caz adds.

“And there will be times when we need you to save us too,” Saint says, softening his tone.

“Lo.” Theo tilts her chin up, forcing her to look at him. “We have discussed this. We want to do this, not just because it keeps you safe but because we love you. It will be as real as any marriage—unless you’re saying you don’t want that or can’t commit to that, and that’s okay, because you are in control. You call the shots.”