Redemption(15)

My body tensed, unsure of why he was here. I waited with bated breath not knowing how to respond. When he finally draped his arm over my hip and pulled me to him, I relaxed into the comfort I didn’t deserve.

“I can’t sleep without you, Lissa.” The thought lingered in the air without my response. “I want to hate you, but my soul needs you.” His words broke—the crack in his voice an indication of how hard he fought the emotion.

I put my hand over his and laced our fingers together. “I’m so sorry, Matt.” I was choked up. Regret, fear, grief—they all moved through me as his warmth surrounded me.

“I need to feel you. I need your skin on mine to remind me I’m alive.”

The last thing I wanted was sex, but if it brought him comfort, I’d allow him to use me in whatever way he needed. I owed that much to him. Without further thought, I removed my shirt and shimmied out of my panties. Reaching behind me, I found Matt already naked. We never slept with clothing on, but I hadn’t expected him to be that way tonight. When I turned to him, he uttered words I never thought I’d hear.

“It’s going to be painful and rough. Don’t mistake this for pleasure, Lissa.”

I turned over and nodded, hoping he could see me by the light of the moon that washed through the window.

Matt hadn’t lied. There was nothing pleasurable about sex that night. It was punishing and aggressive in a way I’d never experienced, but I’d do anything to try to right the wrong in our relationship. He took and took for almost an hour. My vagina was raw and irritated when he finally grunted his release. Tears leaked from the corners of my eyes, not because of what he’d just done, but because he’d needed to do it.

I didn’t know if we’d ever survive this, or if either of us would come back from it—but I’d give myself to him over and over in hopes of gaining his forgiveness or even the chance for an explanation. I was desperate for him to understand I hurt just as much as he did but knew I didn’t deserve that opportunity. I could only hope that time would provide some level of understanding on both of our parts.

When he was done, he didn’t bother to clean either of us up. He resumed his place behind me with a vice grip on my body. His breathing fell into a steady rhythm, and while he slept, I stared out into the night waiting for dawn. When the sun finally graced me with its presence, I slipped from his clutches and donned a pair of sneakers. The only thing I knew to do was run.





7





Chapter Seven





I didn’t have a clue what to wear to meet his best friend. This evening seemed more monumental than meeting his parents would have been. I’d heard more about Brett and Annie in the months I’d known Dan than I had about anyone in Dan’s family. Brett’s opinion of me held a lot of weight whether Dan wanted to admit that or not.

“Penny, I promise you no one will care what you’re wearing. Go comfortable. Please.”

I took him at his word and put on a fitted Vans T-shirt, snug fit boot-cut jeans, and my black Doc Martens. I glanced at him standing at my front door wearing dark wash jeans that fit perfectly and a shirt that appeared to have been made to highlight his gorgeous upper body and wondered what the hell he was doing with me.

“What’s wrong, beautiful?”

I snickered. “We’re quite a mix matched pair.”

He snaked an arm around my waist pulling me into him. “I think we’re a perfect pair. And just wait, we aren’t the anomaly you believe we are.”

We locked up my house and left Cosmo extra food in case I didn’t make it home tonight. He gave Dan the evil eye as we snuck out the door without his making an escape attempt. I wondered how Dan and I would ever be able to move forward if he couldn’t tolerate my beloved fur baby. Cosmo was non-negotiable in the deal. He’d seen me through dark days, and I wouldn’t turn my back on him.

The drive to the restaurant seemed short, far shorter than it should have. I was nervous, and my knee bounced in a strict staccato the entire ride. I wondered briefly if they were as anxious to meet me as I was them then realized just how preposterous that was—they all knew each other—I was the odd man out. This was just another night of them as a group.

“Please stop worrying, Lissa. I promise you’re going to fit right in, and they will love you.” He tried to reassure me one final time when he parked the truck beside a little Greek restaurant.

I wrung my hands in my lap, twisting them over and over trying to release some of the pent-up energy before hopping down out of the cab. When Dan came to the passenger side to open my door, I swung my legs out to face him, but just before I eased out of the seat, his hands met my hips, and his eyes held my stare.

“No matter what happens in there tonight, nothing will change how I feel about you. Understand?”

I nodded while staring at those soft green eyes I’d come to find so much comfort in.

“So, no hiding. I want them to see the woman I see every day. The snarky banter, your keeping me on my toes, just like it’s the two of us without anyone else around. Promise?”

“I’ll do my best.”

He leaned in to offer me a brief kiss to soothe my wild spirit and tipped his forehead to mine. “I wouldn’t throw you to the wolves, Penny. Trust me.” Then he kissed my nose and pulled my hand. I landed safely on the ground next to him before he closed the truck door, and the beep signaled it locked.