Reckless(32)

Hmm. I know. I’ll bake some cookies.

“Sounds great. Want some coffee before you head to the barn?”

“No, I’m good, but thanks.”

“You think Ethan would like a cup?” I ask before I realize I shouldn’t. I’m so out of practice. I used to have nonchalant on lockdown after I hooked up with a guy, but I can’t find that happy place where I don’t care.

“We have a busy day, so I’m sure he would.”

Nodding, I grab a to-go mug and fix it the way Ethan likes it. When I hand it to his brother, Logan squishes me into a side hug. “You’re awesome, Tor. We love having you here. Don’t we, kids?”

Cody responds by trying to eat his crayon, which I replace with an apple slice, but Mila brushes her blonde hair out of her face and nods. “I love-a-dub-dub Tori!”

I smile and reach over to pull Mila’s hair into a ponytail so it’s out of her way.

Watching her buoyant reaction, seeing how easily she gives her whole heart to those around her, twists something inside of me.

It would be so easy to love this family.

A strange melancholy settles in my chest that makes me want to call my parents. It doesn’t escape me that I’ve been living with total strangers for two weeks, and my parents haven’t called me once. When Kat moved in with Brady to help him with baby Izzy, back when they first met, my dad called her practically every day. I try not to feel hurt. I know my parents care in their own way, but I wish they’d try to show it more.

By lunchtime, my stomach is knotted like fishing wire. I’m dying to see Ethan and gauge where he’s at. Because if he acts like nothing happened, like he doesn’t care, then I’m more than happy to follow suit.

Shut up. You know that would hurt your feelings, you little liar.

Twisting my hands, I debate what to say and hope I don’t flub this.

I’d hate for things to be awkward when I was starting to think working here this summer might work out. Especially since I’m getting the hang of things. I enjoy taking care of the kids and cooking for the family. This might not be my dream job, but I’m feeling like I’m actually good at this, and it’s been so damn long since I’ve felt useful or good at anything.

Plus, I can’t exactly slack off. Sure, I want to work hard and keep this job so I don’t have to explain to my sister that I’ve failed at something else, but I really and truly want to help Ethan and his family.

Today, though, I’m not doing a great job of achieving that goal. In fact, the whole afternoon I’m so distracted that I burn the first batch of oatmeal raisin cookies and have to toss them in the trash.

Eventually, I give up on following any kind of recipe since I’m feeling like a space cadet and end up playing with the kids. We’re building a fort in the living room when the guys finally come in from the barn. Ethan beelines it for his bedroom to shower, which is his typical routine, while Logan ducks into the kids’ bathroom to clean off.

With Logan’s surprise dinner tonight, I’m starting to worry I won’t get a chance to talk to Ethan alone before I head for my sister’s in the morning. Not if he and his brother hang out after dinner, like I heard Logan suggest.

I’m staring off in space when Mila crawls into my lap and wraps her arms around my neck.

“Hey, bugaboo.” I stroke her silky hair. Her sigh makes me frown, and I pull back to see worry etched all over her delicate face. “What’s wrong?”

Those big baby-blue eyes turn up to me. “How do you know somethin’s wrong?”

I rub the furrow in her brow. “Because of this. You get all crinkly here.” She doesn’t laugh the way I expect her to. Instead, she sighs again. “Want to tell me about it?”

She rests her head on my chest. “Momma’s supposed to come tomorrow. She said she’d take us to the zoo.”

“I bet you’re excited to see her, huh? The zoo sounds so fun!” Two weeks is a long time to go without seeing your mom at that age. Thinking back to the long stretches without seeing mine when I was a kid makes me want to squeeze the stuffing out of Mila.

But instead of agreeing, she shrugs. “What if she doesn’t come? What if she forgets again?”

Man, shoot me now. This poor kid. I’ve never met Allison, but how could she not adore Mila and Cody and move heaven and earth to see them?

“Oh, honey. Did she forget once?”

A sniffle escapes her as she nods. “A few times.”

The psycho part of me wants to punch that woman in the ovaries for making her kid feel like shit.

Nibbling my lip, I rush to think of something to explain Allison’s behavior. “Sometimes, when life gets crazy, people lose track of time. Like how I burned those cookies today when I forgot to set the timer. Or it’s possible she misremembered. Wrote down the wrong dates or got confused.” I hope to hell she didn’t deliberately blow off her kids.

Mila sniffles and looks up at me. “Yeah?”

“Totally. But that doesn’t mean your momma doesn’t want to see you and your brother. As I get older, I’m starting to understand that parents aren’t perfect. They try really hard. Like when you were trying to do that cartwheel the other day. Even though you didn’t quite nail it, you gave it your whole heart, right?”

Nodding, she sniffles again, but her eyes don’t look quite so downcast anymore.