Reborn (Shadow Beast Shifter, #3)(36)

Gaster and Sam waited near the barrier as I crept closer, and I expected that I’d be unable to venture through without some real power this time, and I was absolutely correct. My beast had ramped up all his securities overnight. Shadow was somewhat predictable when it came to protecting his power base, and his more animalistic form was no doubt worse than ever.

Sparks shot at me when I got closer, but I just brought fire to my skin and sent my power back in response. At the familiar burn across my body, I tilted my head back to enjoy the sensation.

My power had been locked away from me most of my life, but after being in Torma again, I looked at my energy differently. Knowing the reason my father had attacked the alpha, the reason his paranoia had grown until he’d felt he’d had no choice but to force Victor’s hand, had changed my perspective. I still had questions, that I hoped to talk to Shadow about—if he ever returned to conversing in full sentences, that was.

Like, why had my powers been so odd growing up? I’d thought my first shift and release of my wolf had triggered my Shadow Realm side to emerge, but now I knew that there had been a few other times.

It had been grief the night my father had died that had opened a doorway to Dannie, allowing her to leave the Shadow Realm. And then there’d been the night of my first shift, when the grief over my rejected mate bond had allowed me to touch the Shadow Realm, setting in motion the rest of my destiny.

Was grief the key? It clearly wasn’t torture or fear, because Torma had thoroughly tested that theory.

Another mystery to add to the endless sea I’d been wading through for years. Even when I thought I had a handle on it, something new would blindside me, and I’d realize I knew nothing.

At least I had my powers today when I needed them, strong and blinding in their intensity, and by the time the fire was near-licking the ceiling of the library, I was able to step through the barrier into the lair.

“Shadow,” I called softly, pushing deeper into the mist-strewn ice locker.

It was freaky as hell as I moved deeper into his lair, feeling the beast breathing down my neck, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. The “safe” world I’d been dropped in with Torin and the Torma pack had been very clever of Dannie. She had given me everything I’d ever wanted, dreams built in a young child’s mind of my future in the pack. Funny how dreams could turn to nightmares in a split second.

Shadow had given me such an advantage in Torma too. I didn’t know it at the time, but now that my memories were back, I had pieced together a lot of the odd occurrences that had happened to me with the pack. “You kept your word, Shadow,” I called loudly. “The one where you promised I’d never have to be vulnerable again. Torin tried to force his will and strength on me, and he was repelled away. At the time, I didn’t know why, but I do now. Your power superseded Dannie’s.”

He was probably also the reason I hadn’t been able to touch myself, since he had strong opinions on that as well, but we’d talk about that possessive piece of bullshit later.

An echoing roar rang down the corridors between shelves, an ear-piercing burst of sound that grew louder and louder until a raging beast was right there, huffing as he stared me down. Shadow looked exactly as he had the day before, a powerful mountain of muscle, man and beast, and I drank him in like I hadn’t seen him in years, rather than about eight hours.

“You kept your promise,” I repeated, my voice shaking from emotional overload. “Torin couldn’t hurt me, no matter what he tried. I didn’t have my realm powers thanks to Dannie, but she didn’t know that your promise to me was stronger. You kept me safe.”

He stalked closer, and this time, I did not run. I stood my ground, prepared for the pain he’d inflict. He towered over me as he reached out with those lethal claws, attached to hands about the size of my entire torso. This beast could disembowel me with a single swipe, and still… I did not move.

Last night in the dining hall, when sleep had been an elusive bitch, I’d debated how to bring Shadow back to me. There were two options. The slow path, where I patiently spent months coaxing him into his humanity, little by little, until I eventually wore him down and he released the beast. This was an option I had neither the temperament nor the time for. Which left number two: all in and hope for the best.

“I missed you,” I whispered, the words dragging up from deep in my chest. “I hate that I wasted the time we had together, always keeping my distance. Always telling myself that you weren’t mine and I was beyond stupid if I grew attached. I fought the connection, the bond between us because I knew it would hurt like this. I knew it would tear me apart in a way that nothing else ever has, not even the rejection of my mate. And you know what?”

He’d stopped moving; it was the first time his predator stalk had ceased.

Now I took a step closer. “It was worse, Shadow. The pain I thought I’d feel when you finally walked away from me was nothing on what I feel right now. Nothing!”

Another step closer, and he could reach me now if he swiped, but again, I didn’t care. “Our demons match, Shadow. Our souls match. Come back to me.”

Flames grew around him, fast and intense, and any normal being standing in his vicinity would be dead. Not me, though, as I sent my own power out to join his until the swirls of fire carried up into the ceiling above.

“Our souls match,” I repeated, the burn of our loss deeper than ever.