Reborn (Shadow Beast Shifter, #3)(2)

Gods, my life would be so much easier if I could just accept it and start building a world here in the pack. I was the alpha-mate and would finally be able to feel comfortable around these shifters. And yet, I just couldn’t.

“You would feel better if you allowed a true relationship with Torin,” Sisily said, cutting through my dark thoughts. “You’re even sleeping in your old apartment. I mean… Meers, we can’t have the alpha-mate in a shithole like that.”

Her use of “Meers” had me grinding my teeth. “Aw, Sissss,” I mocked, “you are such a great friend.” My sarcasm was the only thing not out of place in my life. “But it’s best if I take my time until my memory returns. I’m sure you… and everyone else… understand that.”

She missed all of my snark, her face brightening. “We need a ladies’ night out! It’s the only way to remind you of how incredibly cool you are. This dreary version is a real downer, girl.”

Incredibly cool? Who was this bitch talking about?

“Isn’t the pack mixer tonight?”

I was keeping up with pack business, even while trying to avoid Torin with every part of my being. He made my skin crawl, and no matter how much I tried to get on board with my true mate, it didn’t feel right. My gut was telling me that there was something hidden in my memories that I needed to unlock. And I needed that to happen sooner rather than later.

My wolf surged up in my chest, her strength fuzzy and unfocused, just as it had been all week. “I’m going to shift for a run,” I told Sisily, already yanking my shirt up.

This was the first time in two days that my wolf had shown any life, and I was going to let her out in the hopes that it would give her new energy.

Sisily started to undress as well. “I’ll run with you.”

I shook my head, my fingers leaving the hem of my shirt to wrap around her forearm. “I want to be alone,” I said bluntly, since she clearly wasn’t very good at reading between the lines.

Her face fell, while her azure eyes remained hard and sparking with anger. She thought I didn’t see through her fake smiles and annoying nicknames, but I saw everything. She hated me, but she wanted the benefits of being friends with the alpha-mate. Sisily liked to have friends in high places.

Unfortunately for her, I had a very long memory. Ironic, considering my short-term memory loss of the last few months, but the rest… I remembered clearly.

I would never run with her as a pack.

“Okay, well, I guess I’ll see you at the house tonight for the mixer,” she replied with a huff, before turning and strolling off.

Good riddance, as far as I was concerned. Ditching the rest of my clothes, I placed my book and phone on top of the pile, shaking my head at the displayed date and time. Was that why my wolf felt so sluggish? Because our first shift had been delayed for two years? I couldn’t come up with another explanation, and I’d spent every waking hour trying to find one.

Maybe someone from one of the other packs would let slip a new piece of information. The pack mixer was Torma’s first real introduction back into the shifter world since our punishment. To think the Shadow Beast could just steal years of our lives was… scary. The demon in our shadows, who’d always felt more like a myth than reality, was apparently very real. Not to mention super-hot—according to the female shifter contingent—and lethal as fuck—according to the males. Torma pack had seen and fought him, during which time our alpha had been killed.

This was a huge fucking deal, right? So why couldn’t I remember it? Everyone else remembered the day the stasis had occurred, citing their fear and grief at losing time as well. Then they remembered the day we’d awoken, followed by the Winter Solstice about a week later. The last thing I recalled was going to school and Jaxson terrorizing me, and then the day I’d shifted and had been rejected, but the rest was blank.

I’d read stories about human women who had their drinks spiked, waking with no memories of that night or sometimes a few nights. Their grief and terror over being vulnerable during that time, possibly hurt or raped, had been palpable on the pages. I empathized with that, and the only thing keeping me sane right now was Torin’s assurance that I hadn’t slept with him yet.

We had been taking it slow while I made him work for forgiveness, which sounded more like me than any other parts of the story. Apparently, waking in his bed last week had only been the second time I’d slept over, baby steps in moving forward and trusting him again. Steps that were completely gone now as I attempted to pry free all my missing days.

A sharp jab of pain in my head told me I’d gone too far in prodding at those blank memories, and I had to back off. My memories did not want me pushing at them, warning me with migraines and near seizure-like attacks. If only it were in my nature to let it lie. Even knowing I would be afforded a nice, comfortable life as the alpha-mate if I just accepted it all and moved on wasn’t enough to force my hand.

Whoever had done this to me had given me almost everything my shifter heart had desired because they’d thought it would keep me complacent. And if the target of this memory manipulation had been inflicted on anyone other than me, they might have been in luck.

Who would be strong enough to do this, though? It had to be the Shadow Beast. It had to have happened when Victor was destroyed.

Had I annoyed the beast when he’d been here? My mouth had been known to get me into trouble, and while Torin assured me I’d never even spoken to the shifter god… I must have.