Real Fake Love (Copper Valley Fireballs #2)(45)

“Fresh sweet corn?”

She beams at me like I’m a toddler with a speech delay who finally said the word mama. “Yes! Let me put some water on to boil. Oh, also, I replaced your shower head with one that doesn’t try to poke holes in my skin, but I left the old one under the sink so you can switch it out if you prefer it. Also, I called an oven repair guy while you were gone, and he came and took one look at your kitchen and started laughing, which was quite rude, and then he asked if your landlord was a total rhymes with grassmole for not updating this kitchen seventeen years ago, which was even ruder, so I’m writing him into my next Confucius book as a half-zombie who knows he’s being taken over by the zombie bite and is helpless to stop it and is now reflecting on all the bad decisions he made in his life that caused his wife and child and parakeet to leave him, but I’ll probably edit it all out before I publish the book, because that’s too dark for a Nora Dawn book.”

Is she breathing while she talks, does she secretly have gills? “Do I make you nervous?”

She pauses for an infinitesimal second, her brows furrowing again. “Is that a movie quote? Am I supposed to guess what it came from?”

“You talk a lot. I want to know if it’s because I make you nervous.”

“For real, Luca, I don’t know what movie that’s from. I don’t watch that many movies. I read a lot of books—or listen. Ohmygosh, did I tell you I got Jason Clarke to narrate How to Train Your Vampire? His voice. It’s like…shew.” She fans herself. “It just does it for me. That’s why the book isn’t out yet—I wanted the audiobook to release at the same time. But it does mean I should get back to work. Oh! But your corn. First, I’ll get your corn.”

“I can make corn.”

“But do you know the trick? I learned it from a cooking show. Most people way overcook boiled corn. You should only boil it for maybe three minutes for maximum flavor and crispness.”

“Do you also use magic truffle salt and water made with the tears of unicorns?”

“Aww, you’re cranky! It’s me, isn’t it? I’m sorry. I’ll shut up.”

“It’s not you. It’s me. I’m a grassmole.”

“Luca. You sent lunch to all those teachers in Florida who were going back to school this week, and you signed autographs and played ball with those kids in the bleachers in the outfield, and you asked people to donate to that family that lost their home in that fire on social media, and—”

“It’s my job.”

She rolls her eyes so hard, the dude on her cover winces like his eyeballs hurt in sympathy. “And you’re trying to counteract The Eye. I know. But it still matters that you do good things for other people, no matter why. It ripples. Like, one of those teachers probably had more patience with a kid who needed it that day because of you, or one of those kids you played ball with probably went home feeling like it was okay if he was dyslexic because he was still worthy of playing catch with one of his heroes, and that family—”

“Henri?”

“I know,” she sighs. “Stop talking.”

I wince. She does talk a lot, but after getting a few walls of texts from her in the past few days, I’ve realized she genuinely has a lot to say, and she probably hears stop talking more than she deserves.

Plus, has she been alone the last three days while I’ve been traveling? That can’t be healthy for a person with as much to say as Henri has. “Do you need help with your books?”

Her eyes flare wide. “Ohmygosh, is your Nonna on her way?”

“No, she’s—”

Too late.

Henri’s turned into Henrion-a-mission, which means she’s flying around a stack of books, but missing and knocking into the stack of books, which sends all of the tomes toppling off the table and onto Dogzilla, who rowls and shoots between my legs, which is pretty fucking impressive considering I would’ve expected the cat to just lay there with a pile of books on her and give Henri a pathetic please get these off me so I don’t have to move look.

Huh.

Those walls of text now have me imagining Dogzilla’s internal monologues. Also—“Is your cat in a cat costume?”

She flips on the water to fill a pot. “She insisted. I offered the frog costume, the Marilyn Monroe costume, and the vampire costume, but she wouldn’t get off the cat costume. That one cracks me up. What cat wants to dress up like a cat? But I guess she was feeling like being an orange tabby today.”

“Is that a new faucet?”

She freezes. “Oh. Yeah, I installed that yesterday after I did some research on what causes faucet leaks. Your old one probably would’ve been fine with the temporary fix your plumber did, but this was better. If you don’t like the design—”

Jesus.

She’s going to make me do it.

She’s going to make me kiss her to shut her up.

I don’t know why it feels necessary when thirty seconds ago her blabbering was simply cute and endearing and not at all sexy, but I’m suddenly striding across the kitchen, cupping her cheeks, and devouring her lips like I’m a possessed Cupid trying to kiss the words out of her mouth and the problems out of the world.

Oh, god.

It’s The Eye.

I’m kissing Henri because I’m possessed by The Eye.