Pucked Love (Pucked, #6)(17)

Sometimes I think it might be nice to be less independent and not quite so afraid of being trapped in someone’s jar.





DARREN

Practice is tense, as expected. I follow Alex to the sauna and drop down on the bench. Half the team is in here, and most of them are talking about the upcoming playoff game against Nashville. Not knowing who’s safe and who isn’t only adds to the stress.

After a while, the sauna clears out until it’s me, Alex, Miller, Randy, Lance, and Rookie.

“So . . .” Rookie slaps his bare thighs. “You and your girl get freaky, huh?”

Of course he’s the one to start off the conversation.

I shrug. “I guess it depends on your definition of freaky.”

“Whatever floats your boat, right?” Miller glances nervously at Lance when he scoffs.

I don’t know his whole story, only bits and pieces from time spent with him. But based on his previous on-ice behavior, his penchant for fights, his occasional destructive meltdowns, and his former reputation with women, I can take a stab in the dark.

I wonder if the ability to intuit brokenness in other people is a sixth sense only other damaged people are privy to. Like me and Charlene. Sometimes the most broken souls find each other, as if their missing pieces exist in another person. It doesn’t matter what form the abuse takes. The holes it leaves in the psyche fracture the soul, too. It probably accounts in part for my instant attraction to Charlene. She’s guarded and open at the same time. I might want more from her, but I won’t take it at the risk of pushing her too far and losing her entirely.

“As long as you’re both into it, it’s cool, yeah? Consenting adults and all that.” Randy runs his fingers through his beard thoughtfully. “Do you buy Charlene’s lingerie, or does she do the shopping?”

I try not to envision all the lace and satin and leather we left in the living room last night. “I buy the lace, she buys the leather.”

Randy’s eyebrows pop. “Who’s in control?”

“Who’s in control in your bedroom, or bathroom, as it were?”

Randy rubs his bottom lip. “Both of us?”

“Why would you think it’s any different for me and Charlene?”

“Good point.”

“I gotta get home,” Lance grumbles and pushes up off the bench. The massive cross tattoo on his back shifts as he punches the door open and disappears through it.

“He gonna be all right?” I ask.

Miller runs a hand over his buzzed head, then taps his temple. “I think he has some messed-up ideas about what’s going on with you and Char.” He turns to Randy. “I’ll ride home with him.”

“Mind if I come with you?” Rookie asks.

“If you want, sure.” Miller shrugs.

“You think I need to talk to Lance?” I ask as Miller and Rookie get up to leave.

This is the exact reason I like my privacy, because people tend to jump to conclusions. Often the wrong ones.

“He’ll come to you when he’s ready,” Randy says. “I’m hoping whatever conversation the girls have today will get relayed by Poppy and he’ll relax a bit.”

“If that’s what you think is best.”

Miller and Rookie take off, leaving the three of us.

“So, I have a question.” Alex’s knee is going a mile a minute.

“Fire away.”

“What exactly are you and Charlene?”

“I don’t understand the question.”

Alex rolls his shoulders. “Like, is this a real relationship or is it contractual?”

“Contractual?”

“Like those books they all read—you know, they made some of them into movies, and those girls binge watch the fuck out of them every time a new one comes out, and then Violet wants to—” He pauses, maybe realizing it’s not just the two of us, and he should probably censor. “Anyway, in the beginning the girl signs all these papers about what she will and won’t do. Is it like that?”

“No, Alex. It’s not like that.”

“So then what’s it like?” I can see the challenge in his eyes, and maybe a little mistrust, because I haven’t been upfront with him about this, and we’ve been friends for a long time. But explaining how it really is exposes Charlene, and I’m not willing to do that, because it could compromise what we have.

“It’s a real relationship. There’s no contract, and whatever you think is going on, it isn’t.” I reconsider that, since Alex and Vi are pretty strait-laced, apart from the locker room sex and the dick dress-up games. “Well, it probably is going on, but not quite the way you think.”

“I’m not judging. I’m trying to understand what this is. I mean, you and Char have been together almost as long as me and Vi, and it all seems pretty casual. What’s your plan if you get traded—to Vegas or another team?”

This is the exact question that’s been eating at me since the expansion draft was announced. I shrug, because I don’t have answers to that. “I guess I’ll have to wait and see what happens.”

Do I want it to end? No. Not at all. Would I want her to come with me if I was traded, yes and no. Selfishly, I want to keep her, but is it reasonable? I don’t know. I can give her what she needs physically, but I’m unsure if I’m capable of providing her with more than that, or if she’ll even let me try.