Open House(60)

“What do you mean you came to find me?” Haley asked, her hands shaking. “You said you were there by chance, that your friend suggested the place.”

“I lied about that, too, Haley. I’m so sorry. I swear those are the only two things I’ve ever lied to you about in our entire relationship, and I swear I will spend the rest of my life regretting it.”

“I don’t even understand what you’re talking about,” Haley said, her voice edging toward hysteria.

“I just wanted to check on you,” Dean said, sweat beading his hairline. “Your sister’s disappearance had always haunted me, and one of my buddies told me he’d run into Emma McCullough’s little sister bartending on the Lower East Side, and I needed to see you for myself. I needed to see that you were okay, somehow. I never expected that we’d start dating, or that I’d fall in love with you and want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Haley’s mind reeled. “You came to check on the sister of the girl you were alone with on the night she disappeared, a fact you hid from the police.” The words were so morbid she could barely get them out. “Really, Dean? That’s the real truth of how our life together started? That’s so lovely, perhaps we should put that story on our save-the-date cards.”

“I’m so sorry, Haley, I—”

“I’m going to be sick.”

He reached across the table to take Haley’s hand, but she withdrew it so fast he flinched. “Why were you alone with Emma?” she blurted, her voice like stones hurled across the room.

“Because I had a crush on Josie,” Dean said, straightening.

“A crush?” Haley asked, barely able to believe her grown fiancé was using that word.

“Yes, a crush. Nothing more. I was in college, and I was still an idiot.”

“You’ve already made that clear. Why were you with Emma, alone, Dean?”

“Because Josie had broken things off that day, but sort of in a weird way, like she didn’t want to end it but didn’t want to see me as much,” he said, his words coming faster, seeming ruffled just like he always was when he needed her to understand something. “And she blamed it on Emma having drinking and drug problems. It sounded like a lie, and I wanted to talk to Emma and figure out if Josie was just trying to get rid of me.”

“My sister didn’t do drugs,” Haley said. “The police thought maybe she was high that night because everyone else was, but I don’t think so.”

“I don’t think so, either,” Dean said, his voice softer, like maybe they’d found common ground.

Haley let out a cruel laugh. “So now you’re an expert on my sister, after all these years of acting like you didn’t know her. That’s ironic.”

Color came to Dean’s cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Haley. Please know how sorry I am. Can’t you forgive me for this? I was young and dumb, and I should have gone to the police and given a statement. I kept waiting for someone to pound on my door and take me to the precinct, but they never did. I guess no one saw us go off together, or maybe they were all so wasted they didn’t remember.”

“Lucky you,” Haley said, furious tears on her face now. She tried to stand, to leave this place and never come back, but she felt frozen and unable to make her body cooperate.

“Haley, I swear to you I had nothing helpful to tell the police,” Dean said. “I left that party the second I was done talking to her. I wasn’t even there when she got hurt. She was completely fine when I left her sitting there by the cliff.”

“Sitting by the cliff,” Haley repeated. “Where she might have fallen from, or more likely, where she might have gotten pushed from. You didn’t bother telling the police what time you left my sister sitting by the cliff? Didn’t you think that could have helped them figure out something—anything?”

“But back then everyone thought she jumped on purpose, and that’s part of why I didn’t think there was a reason to go to the police. If she’d hurt herself—”

“But what about all these years after, when you said you believed me that she’d been killed? Were you just lying?”

“No, I do believe you!” Dean said.

“Then why didn’t you ever go to the police?” Haley demanded. “How could you have lied to me about her? Don’t you understand, I loved her so much more than I love you!”

Dean’s eyes went wide, blinking at her. Haley burst into tears at the truth of what she’d said. Dean stood slowly and pulled her up, to his chest. “I’m so sorry,” he said. “What I did was wrong.” She sobbed as he apologized over and over, stroked her hair, and held her tight. They stood there like that for ages, with Dean supporting nearly all her weight, until finally he lowered them both into one chair. He held her tucked in his lap, kissing her forehead. “I will spend my entire life making this up to you,” Dean said softly.

“You won’t be able to make this up to me,” Haley said, wiping angry tears from her cheeks. “You shouldn’t even try.”

“I swear to you, with every bone in my body, I didn’t think I could help your sister by going to the police, or I would have. And I should have told you a million times over, but I always chickened out. It ate at me all the time. It’s part of the reason I agreed so quickly when you wanted to get out of the city. I just wanted to get some privacy and stop feeling like I was being watched all the time.”