Only Child(91)

I started to walk up the walkway. The ground was all hard and frozen underneath my shoes, and my breath was making white clouds in the air around me. Daddy and Mommy walked behind me and they were going very slow. I was holding the flowers pressed against my chest, and when I got to Andy’s grave, I put them down on it gently.

Daddy and Mommy got to Andy’s grave, too. Mommy went down on her knees and touched the flowers that I laid down for Andy. Then she took one of her gloves off and put her hand up and her fingers touched Andy’s name on the gravestone.

“Hi, sweet boy,” Mommy whispered. Tears ran down her face, and she let them drip down.

Then she touched the ground on Andy’s grave. “It’s so cold and hard,” she said, and then she put her arms around her belly and made loud crying sounds. Daddy was standing behind Mommy. He put his hands on her shoulders, and I leaned my head against Daddy’s arm. We stayed like that for a long time with Mommy on her knees, crying, and Daddy holding on to her shoulders and me leaning against Daddy.

After a while I looked over to where Charlie’s son’s grave was and I saw Charlie was staring over at us. He didn’t move, he just stood there with his arms hanging down on his sides. From how far away I was from him, he looked like a very old and skinny man.

“Can I go over now?” I asked.

“Go ahead,” Daddy said.

I started to walk to where Charlie was standing when I heard Mommy’s voice behind me: “Wait, Zach.”

I turned back around and Mommy was looking down at the flowers that I laid down on Andy’s grave. They were all white—some with big petals and some with tiny petals that looked like a bunch of snowflakes. All the petals were hanging down and they looked sad. Mommy picked up a few of them and held them in front of her belly for a minute like she was giving them a hug.

“Here, take these…with you. OK?” Mommy said, and she gave me the flowers.

I turned back around and walked over to Charlie. I looked behind me a couple times and Mommy and Daddy were standing next to each other, watching me. When I got closer to Charlie, I could see his chin was shaking a lot.

“Hi, Charlie,” I said.

“Hi, Zach,” Charlie said.

“We came to say good night to Andy. Like you.”

Charlie shook his head yes very slow.

“Mommy told the people from the news yesterday that she doesn’t want to do any more fighting,” I told Charlie. Then I remembered I was still holding the flowers, and I gave them to Charlie.

Charlie did a little cough and his chin was still shaking a lot. “I saw,” he said.

“I wanted to come tell that to you, and Mommy and Daddy said OK.”

“Thank you, Zach,” Charlie said.

“Mommy doesn’t want to talk to you still, though.”

“I understand,” Charlie said, and he looked behind me to where Daddy and Mommy were standing. His face looked very sad. He pressed his lips together tight and held up the flowers a little bit to where Mommy and Daddy were standing.

I took my glove off and put my hand in my pants pocket. I pulled out the angel wing charm and rubbed it a couple of times in between my fingers. Then I held it out on my hand to Charlie.

“This is for you,” I told him. Charlie took the charm and looked at it.

“What is it?” he asked.

“It means love and protection,” I said. “It means your son is still here with you.”

Charlie stared at the charm in his hand for a long time and his chin kept shaking and shaking. Then he whispered, “Thank you,” and it came out so quiet, I almost didn’t hear it.

I stayed there for a little while with Charlie and I didn’t know what else I should say, so I said, “Merry Christmas,” and Charlie said, “Merry Christmas,” and then I went back to Daddy and Mommy and it was time to say good night to Andy.

“Can we sing our song?” I asked.

Mommy did a little smile. “Oh, Zach, I don’t think I can sing right now. Maybe we could say the words?” and so we did that. We said the words of our song, taking turns.

Andrew Taylor

Andrew Taylor

We love you

We love you

You’re our handsome buddy

And we’ll love you always

Yes, we do

Yes, we do



Our breath made white clouds in front of our faces.

I could feel the coldness from the ground come through my shoes, and I stomped my feet a little to make them warmer. My fingers felt cold, too, so I blew air in my gloves.

“Here, let me,” Mommy said. She went down on her knees in front of me and blew her warm breath in my gloves, and my fingers started to feel warmer.

I looked at Mommy’s face and she looked cold, too. Her nose was red and she had goose bumps on her cheeks. Her face looked really tired and sad. I put my arms around her and gave her a hug, and we stayed like that for a while on top of Andy’s grave, hugging, with Mommy on her knees.

“Should we say good night now?” Daddy asked in a quiet voice.

Me and Mommy stopped hugging. Mommy looked at Andy’s gravestone and started crying again.

“Good night, sweet boy,” Mommy whispered.

“Good night, Andy,” I said.

“Good night,” Daddy said.

Mommy stood up and we looked at Andy’s grave for a minute longer and then we turned around and walked back down the walkway to our car with me in the middle. Me, Daddy, and Mommy.