Only Child(54)

“Me too,” Daddy said. “I know it’s your special, secret space. But maybe I could come visit you sometimes?”

“OK,” I said.





[ 32 ]


    Wild Rampage


WHEN I WENT TO BED, Mommy didn’t come home yet, and I lay on the mattress and told this to myself: “I’m not going to get mad tomorrow. I’m going to behave tomorrow.” I said it a lot of times so I wouldn’t forget about it when I was asleep, and so I would still remember it the next day when I woke up.

And I did remember the next day. I did good until dinnertime, but then I forgot. I forgot because Mommy told me she was leaving again tomorrow, and she just got back from running away. Right away the mad feeling jumped on me. Mommy told me she was going to New York City to do more interviews and they were going to start really early in the morning, so she had to leave tomorrow before I was even waking up. She was going to sleep at a hotel in the city, because all day long she was doing the interviews, and the next morning early, too.

We were sitting at the counter in the kitchen, like we always do now for dinner. No more dinner at the table, like before Andy died, and no more setting the table before dinner. Mommy only puts down the plates and forks and knives on the counter and that’s it. We were having meatloaf that Aunt Mary brought yesterday, and it was yummy, except only I was eating it. Not Mommy, her plate was still full.

“Why do you have to do more stupid interviews?” I asked when Mommy told me that she was going to New York City. I pushed my plate away hard and it bumped into my milk and it spilled a little.

“I…it’s important that people hear our story,” Mommy talked extra slow and quiet like she was talking to a stupid person. I could tell, and that made my mad feeling get worse.

“Why?” I asked in a loud voice, almost like yelling.

“Why? Because something terrible happened to your brother. And to us. And it wasn’t our fault, it was…someone else’s fault. It’s important that we talk about that. Do you understand?”

I could feel hot tears on my face, and I didn’t feel like answering. “It was Charlie’s son’s fault,” I said after a while, and I felt mad all over about Charlie’s son.

“Yes, but he was a kid, too. It…it’s complicated, OK?” Mommy looked over at the clock on the microwave and stood up and took her plate that was still full to the sink.

“Why did he even do that to Andy and the other people? Why did he kill them?” I asked.

“He was not…normal. In the head,” she said. “So it wasn’t just his fault. It was…he wasn’t taken care of properly.”

“So when Charlie and his wife came here, that’s why you got mad and talked mean to them,” I said.

“I didn’t talk—,” Mommy started to say, but then she put her shoulders up and down and turned back around to wash the dishes.

“But I want you to stay here!” I told Mommy, and more hot tears spilled out. “Who’s going to take care of me when you’re in the city and Daddy’s at work?”

“Zach, I’ll only be gone for two sleeps, OK? And Mimi will be here with you. You guys can do some of the homework together that she picked up for you. And you can play and…read. Mimi can read with you. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”

“No, I don’t want you to be gone at bedtime. I want you to tuck me in, and you have to sing me our song. This whole time you’re not even singing our song anymore, and it’s not good for me to go to sleep like that,” I said.

“Mimi can sing the song. Or you know what? You guys can call me at bedtime and we can sing it on the phone. How’s that?” Mommy asked.

“Not good! I want you to stay here!” I yelled. I got up from the barstool fast and it fell over with a loud BANG!

All of a sudden Mommy was next to me, and it surprised me. She grabbed my arm and pulled it up hard. Her fingernails were digging into my skin, and it hurt a lot. Mommy put her face close to my face and talked right in my ear with her teeth together, sounding very mad. “Listen, Zach, I’m not doing this with you right now. I explained to you why it’s important that I go, and that’s the end of it. Do you understand?” She pulled my arm up more when she talked, and I got a hot feeling in my belly from how Mommy talked to me and she never talked to me like this before.

“Yes,” I said, and my voice came out squeaky.

“Good,” Mommy said, and she threw my arm down. “OK, look. I have to go pack. The car is picking me up very early tomorrow.” She didn’t say the words with her teeth together anymore, but she still sounded mad. “Here, let’s turn the TV on for you. And your father should be home from work soon.”

I followed Mommy into the family room and she turned on the TV. She gave me the remote and looked at me like she was going to say something else, but then she turned around and I heard her go upstairs. I sat down on the couch and looked at my arm, and I could see red and purple lines from where Mommy put her fingernails in my skin. Four lines on the back of my arm and one line in the front from the thumb. It still hurt a lot. I got back up and went in the kitchen to get my Iron Man ice pack from the freezer. The whole time more tears were coming on my face, and I wiped them off with the other arm that wasn’t hurting.