Only Child(25)
“Oh!” It was like a tiny little mouse sound, and it made me get goose bumps, because all I did was stare at the TV, and then all of a sudden that sound was right behind me. I turned around and I found out the sound came from Mommy’s mouth. Earlier she wasn’t downstairs, but now she was standing behind the couch where I was sitting, and she was also staring at the TV.
Daddy came in from the kitchen and snatched the remote out of my hand and turned the TV off. “What the hell are you doing, Zach?” Daddy was looking at me like he was really mad.
“You said I could watch TV.” My voice sounded like I was about to start crying.
Mommy didn’t say anything, she just stared at the TV even though nothing was on anymore, but it looked like she didn’t notice that.
“Daddy? Did you know Charlie’s son was the gunman? In the news they said—”
“Not. Now. Zach.”
I could feel Daddy’s breath in my face because he got so close to me. He made his eyes very small and he yelled those words at me, but he didn’t open his teeth when he yelled, so it wasn’t loud yelling, but scary yelling, and I got all hot and my stomach felt bad.
In New York City I saw a blind person once, a man, and I didn’t know he was blind at first, and he had a really cute dog. I asked Mommy if I could pet him, and Mommy said no, because it’s a special helper dog and you’re not allowed to pet helper dogs, they have to help blind or sick people, and if you pet them, then they can’t do their job. And I thought it was really cool that the dog could tell the blind man where to go, and the man followed the dog everywhere, even across the street. The streets in New York City are really busy and dangerous, and I’m not allowed to cross without holding hands.
The way Mommy walked back to the kitchen with Daddy looked like how the blind man walked with the helper dog, like Daddy was the dog and Mommy couldn’t see anything, so Daddy had to lead the way. I waited until tears were definitely not coming in my eyes anymore, and then I went in the kitchen after them. Only Daddy was there.
“Where’s Mommy?” I asked.
“Upstairs. I had to give her medicine to calm her down. She was really upset. She’s going to sleep now.” I could tell Daddy was still mad at me, and that made new tears almost come out of my eyes.
“I’m sorry, Daddy. I was going to watch a show and then the news was on, and I—” I wasn’t finished talking yet, but Daddy started talking anyway.
“You shouldn’t be watching the news. It’s not for you, you know that. And it’s not helpful for Mommy to be seeing these things. She just came home from the hospital, and at this rate we will have to take her right back. You don’t want that, do you?”
I didn’t want that, but I couldn’t say anything, so I just shook my head no. I didn’t want Mommy to go back to the hospital. I wanted the shock to be over so she could be like her normal self, not walking like a blind person or only sleeping all the time. I kept shaking my head no, and I didn’t stop shaking it until Daddy said, “OK, take it easy, Zach. This is hard for all of us, OK? Can you please find something to do for a while? Mimi will be back later, so then you guys can do something, OK?”
“OK. But, Daddy? Did Charlie get hurt from his son?”
“What? No, Charlie didn’t get hurt at all.” The way Daddy said that it sounded like he was mad about that.
I went upstairs and saw the door to Mommy and Daddy’s room was open, so I went to the door to see if Mommy was OK. She was in her bed, but she wasn’t sleeping, she was lying on her side with her eyes open. When she saw me, she took out her arms from under the covers and stretched them out to me and I went over to her and lay down next to her. Mommy held me tight. We lay there for a long time and we didn’t talk. It felt good with just me and Mommy, and it was quiet. All I heard was Mommy’s breathing.
I turned around a little bit to see her face and I wanted to say sorry I made her upset, but her eyes were closed now. I watched her face for a little while. I could feel her chest go up and down, and I didn’t move at all. Then I whispered, “I’m sorry, Mommy,” and I got out of her tight hug and off her bed and tippy-toed back away from the bed and out of the room. The door made a little squeaky sound. I looked back at Mommy, but she kept sleeping.
Then all I could think about was getting to my hideout. I closed the closet door all the way and found the flashlight in the dark and turned it on. I picked up Clancy and chewed his ear, and I didn’t stop chewing for a long time. Clancy got wet all over from my spit.
[ 16 ]
Red Juice Spill
I WAS SUPPOSED TO SLEEP in my bed because now Mommy was home, but I got scared again at bedtime, and then Mommy told Daddy to put my mattress next to their bed on the floor. She lay down in her bed, and I lay down on the mattress and Mommy held my hand, and that was good for me to go to sleep like that. We forgot to do our song, and when I remembered, it looked like Mommy was sleeping, and I didn’t want to wake her up. So I sang it very quiet by myself again, for me and Clancy.
I woke up the next morning because I was shivering. I noticed my whole mattress was really cold and wet all over, and my PJ pants were wet and my PJ shirt on one side and I didn’t get why everything was wet. But then I knew why: I peed when I was asleep! I peed in my bed like a baby!