Only Child(17)
I saw Daddy and Aunt Mary were looking at me. Aunt Mary had her one hand over her mouth and she made her forehead all wrinkly and more tears were running down her face. When Grandma’s tight hug was done, Aunt Mary opened her arms wide and I walked to her fast. Aunt Mary’s hug was soft and warm. I could feel her whole body shaking from crying, and I could feel her warm breath on the top of my head. “Hey, monkey,” she said into my hair. We just stayed like that for a long time until I felt Daddy’s hand rubbing my back.
“Hey, Zach,” Daddy said, and then Aunt Mary stopped hugging me. “I’m glad you got some sleep.”
“Daddy? I’m late for school, right?” I said. “I don’t want to go today. I’m…I don’t want to go there today.”
“Oh, no, you’re not going to school today,” Daddy answered, and he pulled me close to him and up on his lap. “Not for a while.”
From where I was sitting on Daddy’s lap, I could see the TV was on in the family room. It was the news about how the gunman came to McKinley, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying because the sound was turned all the way down like at the hospital. I didn’t know why people put the TV on with no sound.
After Grandma made me breakfast, people started coming in our house, and all day long more and more people came. They made a big pile of wet shoes and umbrellas in the hallway, and the alarm box in the kitchen kept saying “Front door!” in the lady robot voice so you can know someone was leaving or coming in even if you can’t see the door. Everyone brought food, and Grandma and Aunt Mary tried to fit all the containers and bowls in the fridge in the kitchen and the one in the basement, and they put some food out for people to eat, but no one ate anything.
Grandma made Daddy go upstairs to clean up, and when he came back down, his hair was wet but he still didn’t shave. Daddy walked around and talked to all the people, and it looked like we were having a party.
We have parties a lot at our house, and sometimes people from Daddy’s work come, from his office and his clients sometimes. Daddy always wants me and Andy to stand by the door to say hi to the party guests and do handshakes. Handshakes are very important for when you’re older. Your hand can’t be too loose because that’s wimpy, but you also can’t squeeze too hard, the handshake has to be just in the middle, it’s called firm, and you have to look the other person right in the eye and say, “Nice to meet you.” Sometimes I practice by myself in my room before parties so I do it right.
I thought it was weird we were having a party today, because Andy died and Mommy was at the hospital because of the shock and that’s not a good time for a party, but more people kept coming in, all standing and sitting down in the kitchen and family room and living room. There were no kids, except me, only grown-ups, and it was like I didn’t even belong in the party.
I stayed close to Daddy the whole time. I wanted to talk to him and ask him when Mommy was coming home, and could we go see her at the hospital, but Daddy didn’t have time because he had to talk to the other grown-ups and do handshakes.
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” “Our deepest condolences,” “I just can’t believe something like this could happen in Wake Gardens,” the people said. Daddy had a little smile on his face, not a happy smile, but one that looked like he put it on his face on purpose and then left it there and it never went away. Some of the people, some I knew and some I never saw before, gave me hugs or patted me on the head and I didn’t want that, to get hugs like that from everyone.
In the afternoon, one of the people who came to the party was Miss Russell. I was just coming out of the living room, still following Daddy, when I saw her walk in the front door. She looked smaller or something and like she was cold, she was giving herself a hug with her arms. She blinked her eyes fast a few times when she looked around in the hallway. Her face looked very white and she had dark all around her eyes. When she saw me standing behind Daddy, she stopped blinking her eyes and gave me a little smile.
She came over to us and said, “Hi, Zach,” in a very quiet voice. Daddy looked at her and reached out his hand. “Hello…,” he said, and Miss Russell took his hand and shook it slowly.
“Nadia Russell,” she said. “I’m Zach’s teacher.”
“Oh, right, I’m sorry, of course,” Daddy said.
“I’m so very sorry…about Andy…,” Miss Russell said, and her voice sounded like it got stuck in her throat a couple of times.
“Thank you,” Daddy said. “Oh, and…thank you…very much. For keeping Zach safe yesterday. I’m…I’m very grateful.”
Miss Russell didn’t say anything back, she just shook her head yes. Then she looked around Daddy, at me. “Hey, Zach.” She did a little smile again. “I’m not staying long, but I wanted to give you this…You can keep it, OK? Maybe you’ll like having it.” Miss Russell took my hand and dropped something inside. It was one of her favorite charms from her charm bracelet, she showed it to us a lot of times. It was a silver angel wing with a heart on it. She told us that her grandma gave it to her, and it meant love and protection and it was very special to her because now her grandma wasn’t alive anymore.
“Thank you,” I said, and my words came out like a whisper.
After Miss Russell left I walked around with Daddy for a little while longer, but then I felt like I wanted to take a break from walking around, so I sat down on the yellow chair in the corner of the family room. The yellow chair is kind of behind the couch, and the people in the family room were all looking at the TV and talking in quiet voices, so no one knew I was there. The sound on the TV was still turned all the way down. First it was commercials, but then the news came back on and it was still about McKinley.