One More Time(53)

I don’t doubt Jenna’s acting skills. She is good. But I don’t think I could possibly have misread all the signs of her body, the reactions she couldn’t have controlled. The way her pulse quickens each and every time I touch her. Or the way her body seeks mine out, even in sleep. The way she comes for me like fireworks.

Besides, now that she knows the truth about what happened with Natalia and the infamous kiss, it wouldn’t make sense for her to follow through on any kind of nefarious plan for revenge. Especially after we opened up and realized that we both had fears holding us back.

So, what was this then? A drunken night with an ex? A booty call because she needed to come, and I didn’t Skype her? Was she with that guy the whole time we were getting back together? Am I the asshole who’s the other guy?

I don’t like any of these options, but it’s worse not knowing the answer. I don’t know how Jenna spent all these years without resolution. I can’t even handle twenty minutes.

And instead of waiting for the universe to give me an opportunity to work things out with her like I did before, this time I’m going after her right from the beginning.

I practically run the last leg of the block back to her house. I’m prepared that Jenna won’t want to talk to me. She’ll send him—Walter—to talk me down. She’ll be avoiding the confrontation.

Just thinking about it makes me want to punch him in the nuts.

Of course I’m not going to punch him. Or anyone. I’m going to be cool, and stay there until Jenna sees me. Then I’m going to make her talk things out. Like a grown-up. Like we should have done last time.

I head up to the front door, but just as I go to put my key in the lock, it swings inward.

And standing where I expect to see Walter, is Jenna.

“You’re still here?” she asks, her brows furrowed, her eyes hopeful.

Like there was anywhere else I would be when this isn’t settled. Well, except for the trip around the block.

“I’m not you, Jenna,” I spit. Is she planning to leave before we discuss this?

Not gonna work. I’ll be here when she gets back. I’ll wait for as long as it takes. “We need to talk.”

“Hold on, Tanner. I need to tell—”

“No.” I cut her off. “You don’t get to talk. I get to talk. I just found you in bed with another man; that means I get the speaking stick now.” I pace in front of her in tight strides, a caged tiger.

“Last time, you got the speaking stick,” I continue. “You wouldn’t know that, because you ran away. I see how you felt now, but what I don’t see is how you were able to leave.” I stop and direct my stare at her. “I was serious when I told you I love you. I thought you felt the same.”

I can feel the storm of rage within me swirling. How dare she. How dare she?

“This is my fault for not defining our relationship. Let me give you a definition right now. The second you went to bed with me, you lost your right to fuck other guys. In case you’re wondering, I wouldn’t touch another woman with a ten-foot pole. And I’m just so…”

I trail off, not knowing the words to tell her exactly how furious and overwhelmingly sad I am to know that all along, she maybe just wasn’t capable of loving me the way I loved her.

Love her.

I still fucking love her, God help me.

There’s nothing to punch on the porch, but I want to destroy something. Anything.

Maybe everything. I’d burn everything beneath the Hollywood sign to the ground if it meant this feeling inside would go away.

Behind Jenna, I see that guy, Walter, and he’s grinning. It’s a real bastard move, and I think I actually growl at him.

“Hi!” he says with a little wave. “It’s nice to meet you!”

With that he disappears back into the house, leaving Jenna smirking and watching me. I’m horrified that she’s just going to let him stay while we talk this out, but maybe she doesn’t trust me not to punch him on his way out.

“It’s taken us a full decade to finally learn to trust each other again. I never thought we’d actually get back together on this movie, and I know you didn’t either. But we did. And I thought that meant we were meant to be together for real. I don’t know if it’s because of chemistry or personality or the fucking alignment of the stars, but you and I are a perfect fit. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make this work because I know I’ll never find someone like you. I love you, Jenna, with all my heart and all my soul. Why would you want to ruin that?”

I’m out of breath, out of words. My eyes sting, hot and dry.

“Do I get the speaking stick yet?” she asks.

As much as I want to hear her explanation, I’m also afraid of what she’ll say. I don’t really want to hear her tell me she just doesn’t love me that much. I’m broken now, but that would shatter me. I’m still hoping against hope that this is all a bad dream.

But she’s staring at me, and I’ve learned, if nothing else, that I have to stop letting fear interfere with my relationship with her.

“Fine,” I reply.

“Good. Why don’t you come inside so we don’t attract any attention from any neighbors…or TMI reporters”

Something about Jenna’s tone is throwing me off. I can’t figure out why she’s so completely calm, but she makes a good point about reporters.