One Baby Daddy (Dating by Numbers #3)(92)

Adalyn: Yeah, is everything okay?

The phone buzzes in my hand. Pausing Netflix, I shift my computer to the other side of my bed and answer my phone.

“Hello.”

“Hey.” Soft, deep, comforting, Hayden’s voice brings chills to my skin. “How are you?”

“Good,” I answer on a swallow. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”

“Well”—I pause and read his text again, pulling the phone away from my ear—“you asked if I had a second to chat? Made me think that maybe you had something specific to say.”

“Nah, just wanted to hear your voice. That’s all.”

Sighing and relaxing into my mattress, the tension rolling off my shoulders, I say, “You know, it’s not nice to scare pregnant women.”

“Did I scare you?”

“Sort of,” I answer honestly.

“Ahh, I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to. I wanted to chat, that’s all. I know you go to bed soon, so thought I’d catch you before you drifted off.”

Baby. He’s been throwing that term of endearment around so casually, like this past summer. Does he realize the kind of effect it has on me? The kind of wave of heat that rushes through my body every time he says it?

He probably does. That’s why he keeps saying it, to weaken me.

It’s just another piece of Hayden that’s been so different than every other man who has ever attempted to be with me.

I made a mental list in my head, trying to figure out why I’ve been so apprehensive, and at one in the morning, after my mind had been racing, it hit me. Hayden was my first when it came to an emotional relationship. Beside my dad and brothers, he was the first man to treat me like a lady, to respect me, to emotionally grab me and pull me into his universe while wanting to be in mine.

He chose to get to know my mind, my soul, rather than only my body.

He was the first to challenge me.

He was the first to shut me down when I tried to make things physical, telling me there was time for that.

And he was the first to truly break my heart.

Logan hurt me, but he didn’t break my heart.

And being that I’ve never fully given my heart to another man, I wasn’t expecting Hayden’s departure from my life to hurt so bad, for it to affect me so much, for it to positively consume me.

I can’t do that again. I can’t risk that feeling again. I only had him in my life for such a short time, but he took over everything in my heart. Reorganized my priorities, my time, my focus. And I can’t risk going back to such a dark place where I missed him terribly, where I cried more than I’d ever cried in my life. Losing Hayden’s presence stole something essential, and I’m terrified of giving that away in case I lose it again. I need to be whole, strong, to be able to work and raise a baby on my own. I need to feel strong . . . but that’s what he’s offering. His strength so I’m not alone. No. I’ve told him I need to be strong. On my own.

And yet, here I am, talking to him, worrying that maybe something was wrong with him. Will I ever be able to separate myself, have a clean break?

Thinking about it for a second, I don’t think I will. He’s the father of my child, he will forever be in my life, whether I like it or not.

“Are you there, Adalyn?”

Pulling myself back in the conversation, not letting my negative thoughts take over, I say, “Yes, sorry. Just thought of something. So, uh, your trip was good?”

“Yeah,” he says hesitantly. “But I don’t want to talk about that. I’ve been all hockey all day, I like to decompress at the end of the day. I showed my mom the photos you gave me today.”

Oh wow. I wonder how she took that? God, she probably hates me now. “Um . . . what did she say?”

“She didn’t say much actually.” Oh. That’s worse than I thought. “She was so quiet I thought I’d lost the connection. Turns out she was having one of her silent-cry moments. Does your mom do that?”

“The silent cry? Hmm, not so much, but I know what you mean. Was she angry? With me?”

“God, no. Adalyn, she thinks you’re amazing. I didn’t tell her about when I found out. I just said we didn’t want to say anything until you were past the first trimester.” This man. How can he protect me from his mom’s wrath when I held back from telling him about his own baby? “She told me to give you her number. If you want it. To talk about pregnancy . . .” He’s silent, and I wonder what he’s thinking. “Anyway, she’s happy, Adalyn. She’s so looking forward to having a grandchild to cuddle and fuss over. And she’s really looking forward to meeting you.”

“Ah . . . that’s nice. She’s nice.” She’s nice? That’s all I’ve got? My mom wasn’t exactly thrilled about the pregnancy, she mostly worried about me and going it alone. My baby will have two grandmothers. And I felt even worse thinking that in not telling Hayden, I would have denied his mother knowing her own grandchild. God. I’m awful.

“So, tell me, have you thought of names?”

“Names?”

“Baby names. Do you have any that you like?”

Oh . . . do I have names? I think about the little note section I have in my phone for names I’ve heard and liked. Should I tell him? Why the hell not? We’re going through this process together.