One Baby Daddy (Dating by Numbers #3)(91)

I want to be with this man. I want to give him my heart. I want to be the one he spends the rest of his days with, but there is this dark, scary unknown that keeps creeping in on me full of what ifs.

What if he’s traded again?

What if he meets someone better on the road?

What if I’m too much for him to handle?

What if what we had in Binghamton was truly a summer fling, and we both don’t realize it until it’s too late?

What if I truly end up being alone?

Putting some distance between us, I reach for the handle of the door and put one foot on the pavement.

“Adalyn . . .”

“Thank you for dinner, Hayden. Good luck on your road trip.”

Now outside of the car, I give him a quick wave and shut the door before he can say anything else. Tonight was enough, seeing him fawn over the baby was enough, actually it was too much for my heart, my stupid, stupid heart.

When I open the door to my apartment, Logan is sitting on the couch, shirtless and in a pair of Nike shorts. He looks up from his laptop and takes off his black-rimmed glasses. “Hey.” His brow creases. “Are you okay?”

Maintain a neutral face. Do not cry. Logan will only want to talk about it, and that’s the last thing I want to do right now.

“Good,” I say with a cheery smile that feels so incredibly forced.

“Okay, you’d tell me if he said something to you, right?”

“Of course.”

I hang my purse on the coatrack in the entryway and take out my phone, Logan watching every one of my jagged movements. Does he notice how robotic I feel? Can he tell I’m on the verge of breaking down? Does he see my need to bury my head in my pillow?

“Where did he take you?”

Guess not.

“This really good waffle place. I’m stuffed though, so I think I’m going to call it a night. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Eyeing me suspiciously, Logan says, “Okay, let me know if you need anything.”

“I will. Night.” I give him a quick wave, skipping out on the hug he usually asks for every night and fast-walk to my bedroom where I shut my door and fling myself on the mattress, burying my head into my pillow.

I lie there for I don’t know how long, my tears silent, soaking into the pink Egyptian cotton sheet set. Why can’t I just say yes to Hayden? What’s holding me back?

Is it what James said to me in New York City?

I’ve seen it before, a woman takes down a man of Hayden’s caliber. I’ve seen them lose everything, and I don’t want that for Hayden. I only want what’s best for him.

Am I letting him get into my head?

Is it how quickly he went out with someone after we broke up?

Is it the high-profile woman he went out with? Does he deserve—need—someone like that?

Or is it the fear of becoming one of those women who wait around for their man, who wait around for a man to take care of them, to shield them, support him?

Am I so scared to be alone that I’m pushing away someone who wants to never let me be alone again?

Confused more now than ever, I turn to wipe my nose when my phone vibrates with a text. I don’t even have to look at it to know who it’s from.

Hayden: I want you to know one thing, Adalyn. The pictures you gave me, the pictures of our baby, it reminded me of something. If I never get to win back your heart again, at least I’ll have a piece of it in the child we share. Thank you for going out with me tonight. Sleep well, baby.

Shallow breaths take over, my heart pounding in my chest, as more tears fall past my cheeks while I read his text over and over again.

I don’t think I could be more confused.

At least that’s what I thought . . .

Chapter Twenty-Five

ADALYN

Hayden: Good morning. Did you sleep well? Get some eggs? Drink some tea? Think about me at least three times?

Chuckling, I put down my mascara brush and pick up my phone.

Adalyn: Slept okay. I had some eggs and toast with some water this morning, happy?

His response is immediate.

Hayden: You failed to mention the thinking about me part.

Adalyn: I did on purpose.

Hayden: Ouch. That’s okay, another knock from you to my ego isn’t going to kill me. Although, it wouldn’t hurt you to say how handsome I looked last night.

Adalyn: You’re absurd.

Hayden: Just admit it. Dapper, that was me. Mr. Dapper Dan.

Adalyn: I don’t think men who qualify as dapper beg people to call them dapper.

Hayden: There was no begging involved, just trying to nudge you in the right way of thinking. Come on, admit it.

Adalyn: Your hair looked nice.

Hayden: Bingo! I’ll take it.

He’s so ridiculous, smiling I respond back.

Adalyn: And you smelled good too.

Hayden: Okay . . . that’s not fair. Now I’m hard and on an airplane to San Jose.

Adalyn: Men are disgusting.

Hayden: Hey, I don’t say women are disgusting when you get wet.

Adalyn: It’s because we don’t announce it like our coffee order in the morning.

Hayden: You should . . . it’s sexy foreplay. Are you wet from this conversation?

Adalyn: No.

Hayden: Eh, it was worth a try.

Hayden: Just got back to the hotel, have a second to chat?