Not Your Villain (Sidekick Squad #2)(54)

“Are you gonna be okay?” Jess asks.

“Look, as long as she’s happy,” Bells says.

“But you’re not,” she says quietly.

“I will be. Look, it’ll take me some time to get over it. My feelings aren’t her problem, and I’m not going to make them her problem. She likes Carlos? Great. She and Carlos are happy together? Great. It is a good idea, though. I appreciate the help.”

Jess draws him into a hug. She sniffles, as if she’s been holding back tears.

Bells doesn’t cry. He’s had a long time to think about it.

When Bells gets home, he tears a piece of paper from his sketchbook. Emma bought this one for him. She never thought his art was just a hobby; she knew it was something he truly loved to do. And she understood why he didn’t care much for drawing on a lightscreen, that he enjoys the feel of pens or colored pencils in his hand and the sound they make scraping across his paper.

Dear Emma…

She’s never going to see this, right? He can say anything, everything he’s always wanted to say.

Dear Emma,

I love you. I think I’ve loved you since we were five…

*

On Wednesday night Bells leaves home, already late for the Sidekick Squad meeting; it seems like the first time he’s seen Emma this week. He does feel better, but he’s still nervous about seeing her. He takes his motorcycle out and zips around town. Abby didn’t just take out the tracking system, she completely re-engineered the bike. Bells careens around turns, enjoying the speed and how smoothly the motorcycle corners, and finally gets to Abby’s just around sunset.

“Hey, guys, sorry I’m late—” Bells starts, and then his heart skips.

Emma is sitting on the couch, clutching something to her chest, sighing at everyone.

“It was written on paper, like out of a romance movie,” she says.

There’s no way she could have found his letter, no way she could have seen it. He fumbles, reaches for his sketchbook in his bag and, yes, it’s still there, along with some loose pieces of paper. He glances inside. The letter is still there.

The paper Emma’s holding is heavy stock, and it’s definitely not recycled either. The paper smells like that musky cologne his dad wears sometimes, but as though his dad poured the entire bottle of it over his head. It’s making Bells’ nose prickle.

“Oooh, that’s sweet,” Jess says, reaching for the letter. She waggles her eyebrows at Bells. As she scans the letter, her expression shows confusion.

Emma smiles. “Go on, read it! What do you think?” For a moment, it’s as though they’re all back in middle school, giggling about their crushes on superheroes.

Abby gives Bells an apologetic look.

Jess coughs. “Dear Emma,” she reads.

Dear Emma,

I love you. I love the way your hair curls, I love your smile, how sweet you are. You are everything to me.

Yours, Carlos

Emma glances at it once more, and then at the three of them.

“He loves you,” Jess says. “Aww,” she croons, but it sounds forced.

Emma doesn’t pick up on that, though, re-reading the letter. “I know.” She blinks, tilting her head. “He is cute, isn’t he?”

“Yes. Very cute. Handwriting the letter was a nice touch,” Bells says, seething.

“Are you… are you going to write back? Tell him how you feel?” Jess hands the letter back to Emma.

“I should,” Emma says. She lies back down, frowning. “He’s a good boyfriend. This was a lot less complicated before there were feelings involved,” she says, getting into a comfortable position with her head in Bells’ lap and her feet propped up on Jess’ legs.

Bells wants to curl his hands in her hair and stroke her comfortingly, but he doesn’t. “I thought that was the point of dating,” he says.

“He hasn’t tired of me yet,” Emma says softly. “It’s been like, three weeks. And then he writes this letter and he loves me?”

“Abby told me she loved me pretty early on,” Jess points out. “I don’t think it was quite three weeks.”

“You guys thought you were gonna die in the desert. I think that’s different,” Bells says.

“Is this normal?” Emma asks. “I know I say ‘I love you guys’ to you two all the time, but it’s supposed to feel different, right? With people you’re attracted to? When you’re dating?”

Jess nods. “Well, everyone is different, but yeah, if you like someone and wanna hang out with them—”

“Like friends.” Emma sighs. “I don’t know, maybe that’s why it’s never worked with anyone. I mean, I couldn’t make it work with Will or Kyle or Damon or Scott or Denise—”

“Wait, you dated Denise?” Jess looks up in surprise. “Denise Ho?”

“Yeah, went to the movies with her once in sophomore year,” Emma chuckles at Jess’ stunned look. “What?” Emma pokes Jess in the stomach. “I was trying to figure out if I was attracted to girls!”

Jess raises her eyebrows. “And?”

“Well, I would have told you, wouldn’t I?” Emma shrugs. “Maybe. I haven’t entirely ruled it out. But definitely not Denise. I was bored out of my skull.”