Not Perfect(72)

At that moment, Fern came into the kitchen. She was limping, but she never mentioned the pain, if there was any, or the limp. Rachel moved toward Fern, giving her a quick hug before piling food onto her plate. Fern didn’t even ask what it was, she just ate. Before the women had a chance to get settled and join her, she took her last bite and pushed her plate away.

“Can I go back to watching?”

“Sure,” Tabitha said, more because she wanted to continue the conversation with Rachel than because she thought it was okay.

“She seems a little down,” Rachel said when Fern had left the room.

“Yeah, as I mentioned, we’re all falling apart a little.”

“And what’s with the limp?”

“We’ve been to a bunch of doctors, but nobody can figure it out,” Tabitha said. “I need to take her for more tests. But wait, I want to keep talking about you. Have you considered storing or freezing the sperm or something? That way you would still have the option, but you could take more time to think about it.”

Rachel reached into the bag and pulled out a tomato and a small, perfect bunch of basil. She walked to the sink and washed first the tomato and then the basil leaves, one at a time, with her back to Tabitha.

“Shoot, I forgot to put this out for Fern,” Rachel said.

“It’s okay, she probably wouldn’t have eaten it anyway. But have you? Considered that?”

“I guess, I just don’t know,” Rachel said slowly. “I mean, I feel like my body is ready, but my brain isn’t. Will you come with me on Monday morning to talk to them about this? I don’t want to go alone.”

“Yes, of course I will,” Tabitha said.

Now Rachel turned around and smiled.

“Okay, good,” she said. “That makes me feel better.”

She pulled a knife off the rack on the wall and slowly sliced the tomato, perfect, round, red slices. Then she rolled the basil leaves into a cylinder and sliced those, sprinkling them on top.

“Hey, I forgot dressing, do you have any?”

Now Tabitha felt exposed, even though she shouldn’t have. Her big secret was already out of the bag. Almost anything she said at this point would be okay, it would make sense, considering. But still. She went to the cabinet that used to be full of oils and vinegars and other sauces that were completely used up now. She pulled down the last of the olive oil, followed by the bottle of Zingerman’s aged balsamic, the one she’d been saving. She moved the squat bottle this way and that and watched it swoosh around: there was about a tablespoon left. She handed both to Rachel, who poured them out, not knowing that that was the absolute last of it. Just as the last plump, syrupy drops of vinegar fell onto the tomato, the house phone rang. Tabitha thought about ignoring it, but it was so loud, louder than a usual ringing phone, at least that’s how it seemed to her in the moment, that she just wanted it to stop.

“Hello?”

“Tabitha, it’s Julie, from Larchwood.” She sounded out of breath, and it was extremely noisy wherever she was. Tabitha couldn’t believe it. Was she really calling now to ask for a snack tray or teacher treat?

“Julie,” Tabitha started, “I’m so sorry, but we are just sitting down to—”

“I’m with Levi,” Julie said, interrupting her. Did she sound upset? With Levi? “He, he’s been hit by a bike. I am here with him waiting for the ambulance. It should be here soon. I—”

“What do you mean?” Tabitha said firmly into the phone. “With Levi? Where? He’s at Butch’s house. Are you sure?”

“I’m very sure,” Julie said. She didn’t sound like her usual perky, always-asking-for-something self. Tabitha wanted her to go back to that. She wanted her to be calling to ask her to bring something to the next conference day. She’d bring something really great. Anything. Donuts, with a dairy alternative.

Tabitha realized that Rachel had walked over and was standing just beside her but not touching her. She was waiting, but not mouthing, “What is going on?” the way people usually did when they wanted to know what was happening on the other end of the phone. Tabitha heard Julie talking soothingly to someone.

“They’re on their way,” she was saying. “Any second now.”

Tabitha listened as hard as she could, but she didn’t hear a response.

“What should I do?” she yelled into the phone. “What should I do?”

“I’ll stay with him,” Julie said, so kindly. “I’ll go in the ambulance with him. I’ll call again as soon as I know where we’re going.”

The sound of the siren got loud now. It was right in Tabitha’s ear.

“Where are you?” she screamed, but Julie was talking to someone else, and then the call cut off. “Where are you?” she screamed, again to nobody.

Tabitha stood there dumbly with the phone to her ear, waiting for instructions. It took her a second to place herself: in her kitchen, with Rachel by her side, and Fern in the doorway looking scared.

Rachel didn’t say anything, she just waited. It must have been very clear that Tabitha had no answers. Finally, Rachel said, “It’s Levi?” She took the phone out of Tabitha’s hand and pressed the “off” button, then handed it back.

Tabitha nodded, and miraculously, the phone rang again.