Not My Match (The Game Changers, #2)(86)

There’s a long silence on the phone as I hear her breathing and picture her thinking. “How long have you wanted to go to CERN?”

“Since I was ten years old . . .” My voice cracks.

“How long have you been dating Devon?”

My spine straightens. “That’s not fair—it feels like more, like he’s always been mine. I’ve known him for months.”

“A few weeks versus years, sweetie; don’t you think the answer is obvious?” She sounds confident, and I want to bang the phone on the floor to shake some sense into her.

“No, it isn’t,” I cry out. “I’m in love with him, Elena, so deep that I won’t ever forget him, but he’ll forget me—he will; he’ll push me away like he used to. He’ll go on with his life as if I never existed.”

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay,” she croons. “Preston hurt you just a few months ago, and maybe things are moving too fast with Devon for you to really consider what your true feelings are—”

“No, this is nothing like Preston,” I grind out, falling into more regret for the sweet relationship with my sister. “Elena, God, forgive me for thinking I wanted him, please. I didn’t know what I was doing then; I let myself get sucked into his vortex, and I didn’t love him, not like this—”

“Shh, Giselle, please . . .” I hear her breath hitching. “I have forgiven you. You can’t forgive yourself. He manipulated both of us, used you to get to me, and when it didn’t go like he wanted, he took advantage of you, and none of it is your fault—”

“We lost part of what we have,” I cry into the phone. “And I missed you so much those months; I couldn’t focus, and it bled out into everything I touched: my grades, my life.” My chest crumples, and I lie on the floor, staring up at the ceiling.

“And we got us back, baby sister; we got us back,” she murmurs. “I can’t be without you, okay, and you can’t be without me, and he tried to rip it apart, but it didn’t work. You’re my friend, my mirror opposite, my confidante, my smart little sister who gives and gives. Sweetie, I should have talked to you and made things right with us from the beginning of that bastard. You’re part of the fabric of my life, Giselle, and our quilt is stronger now. You have to see that. Forgive yourself, and things will be clearer, your heart open, major decisions easier.”

My free hand balls at her words as I rub my eyes, surrendering to the thought, letting myself finally release those leftover feelings of regret that have hovered over me like a storm cloud. I made bad decisions that cost me, but I’m only human and fallible—and so is she. “I love you,” I whisper. “Daisy Lady Gang forever.”

“Ditto,” she replies.

A half-garbled huff comes from my throat. “I called you for advice, and we ended up talking about us.”

I can hear the smile in her voice. “We’ve been fine for months; you’ve just needed to find who you are and what you want. You have wonderful options: teaching, researching, writing novels . . . Devon.”

“I just want to make the right choice this time.” Panic washes over me. What if I choose him, and he breaks my heart? He said he wouldn’t walk away, but what does that really mean?

“Talk to Devon. Lay out your cards.”

“If we’d just had more time together.” Turmoil swirls as a hollow feeling fills up my chest. “He suspects something . . .” I close my lids, picturing the probing looks when he carried me to bed, as if he were searching for my soul . . . “He’s afraid to ask, because he knows I can’t not tell him the truth.”

We talk a little longer; then I get off the phone and sit in front of the window as I search the skyline for answers. Four thousand five hundred ninety-eight miles away, there’s CERN.

When the first rays of light peek over the horizon, I pull myself together, tired and broken, my chest aching. I tiptoe back to Devon and run my eyes over his face, hypnotized by him, the high forehead, the stark cheekbones, the taut forearms with butterflies. I’m flying away from him, and no matter how many times I keep trying to convince myself our thread won’t break, my heart knows the truth.

Lay your cards out.

I will, I will, just not today. I slip into his arms, my cheek to his chest, listening to the steady beats as I drift off to sleep in his arms.





Chapter 27

DEVON

“Numbers spiked this week. Ten percent profit, probably fall semester starting at local colleges,” Selena tells me, shuffling papers around on her desk inside her office on Thursday.

“Hmm, right.” I frown as I glance down at the spreadsheet she put in my hands. I pace around the small space. “You need a bigger office,” I tell her, my tone distracted.

Giselle.

I rub my forehead, scraping down my face to my jaw. She’s up and down, one minute reaching for me with greedy hands, the next hiding her face in her laptop, barely noticing when I say something. This morning I made us breakfast, and she didn’t even complain when I ate most of the bacon.

“Did you get me tickets to the pregame Saturday?” Selena asks.

“Hmm, yeah.”

“Did you get me the seats I wanted?”

“Fifty-yard line with Elena and Giselle.”