No Earls Allowed (The Survivors #2)(76)

“I have never run away from anything in my life.”

“You ran away from the situation with Lainesborough.”

Julia dropped the cloth and stuck her head around the screen. “I did not run away. I did everything I could to keep Davy. I fought Lainesborough until the end.”

Mrs. Dunwitty’s eyes held sorrow, but Julia did not want her sorrow. Instead, she focused on the older woman’s mouth, which was set in a determined line. Julia wanted determination. “And I lost. The court and the judge and even the bloody regent—”

“Language, Juliana.”

“—did not care about the best interests of the child or what his mother would have wanted or that his father didn’t even show the most remote interest in the child until he was half a year old. The law gives the man precedence in this case, as in practically every case. Now, you tell me why I should want to tie myself to a man when men are selfish, manipulative, and cruel at best?”

“Your father was not cruel.”

“My father was benignly neglectful, and when I needed him—when Harriett needed him—he would not lift a finger to help,” Julia cried, her voice rising to a pitch that heralded tears. “Now I am in a position to help, and I will not walk away. Mrs. Dunwitty, if you have come hoping to persuade me to return home or to abandon these children, then you should know that I will do neither.”

Mrs. Dunwitty nodded and said nothing. After a moment, Julia moved back behind the screen. She took a moment to compose herself, then finished washing. When she’d dressed in a clean chemise and come around the screen, Mrs. Dunwitty waited with Julia’s robe and some linen she’d torn into bandages. “And yet,” she said quietly after she’d bandaged Julia’s arm and held out the robe, “you are in love with Wraxall.”

Julia started. “I most certainly—”

Mrs. Dunwitty raised her hand. “Do not bother to deny it. I saw him with those children just now. I fell half in love with him. And it was still in your eyes when you closed the door.”

“I can’t love him. I’ve only known him a handful of days.”

“And you think there are rules to falling in love?” Mrs. Dunwitty laughed. “Even if there were, you would not follow them. But you must hear me in this, Juliana.”

At the serious note in her voice, Julia looked up.

“You must not go to bed with him.”

Julia thought she would tip over from mortification. This was worse than when her mother had tried to explain where babies come from. “Please stop,” she begged.

“Let me say my piece.”

“Must you?”

“It is clear to me you want him in your bed, and I have no doubt he wants to be there, but if you sleep with him, it will be that much harder to let him go. The children have already become attached to him. Do not allow yourself to become any more attached or you will not be able to support them in their grief because you will be mired in your own.”

Mrs. Dunwitty was correct, of course. She knew this. It had never been her plan to become attached to Neil nor to allow the boys to become attached to him. And yet somehow he had found a way into all of their hearts. But she was not so young and innocent as to delude herself into believing he would stay simply because she wished he would. She was not so foolish as to ask him to stay because even if he desired to stay, she had no room in her life for a man. She might fancy herself in love with him, but that did not mean she trusted him or that she could count on him. He had proven himself to be trustworthy and dependable thus far, but in the end, he would fail her. Every other man in her life had.

“The boys are my sole concern,” Julia said. “He has been a good influence on them, but we must all prepare ourselves for his departure. Now that we are safe from some of the more dangerous occupants of Spitalfields, I believe Mr. Wraxall intends to see to the roof repairs and be gone.”

“Good. In my opinion, the sooner the better. The last thing you should ever do is allow him too many liberties or an entrée into your bed.”

Julia’s cheeks flamed. Dear God, she would say her prayers faithfully for a year if Mrs. Dunwitty would only speak of something else. Anything else.

“I see you are tired, so I will leave you to rest. We shall discuss the boys’ lessons in the morning. Their arithmetic is not bad, but their reading is very poor indeed. Shockingly poor.”

And with that the woman left Julia in peace.

*

Neil hadn’t intended to be standing in the corridor outside Juliana’s chamber when Mrs. Dunwitty emerged. He quickly tried to look as though he had some purpose for being there—ostensibly to check on the little boys—but he feared he failed miserably when Mrs. Dunwitty stopped and gave him a pointed look.

“Mr. Wraxall, do not think I do not know what you are doing here.”

“I wanted to make certain the boys—”

She dismissed his excuse with a wave. “I have spoken with my former charge and warned her against your charms.”

Neil raised a brow. “My charms?”

“Yes. More to the point, I told her specifically not to allow you into her bed. Knowing that girl, the more I tell her not to do something, the more likely she is to do it. And so I will warn you as well to stay away from Lady Juliana. Go back to your rooms and go to sleep.”