Night Road(126)
“Daddy?”
He walked over to the window, stared out at the dark Sound. “Where could she be?”
“Who?” Grace said, coming up beside him, putting her hand in his back pocket.
“I looked at the park, at that place in the woods by her old trailer. I looked in every window downtown. I even went to the cemetery and the … place on Night Road. It’s like she vanished.” He turned to Jude. “Did she say anything?”
Jude tried to remember. She’d been so focused on the journal, she’d barely been listening to Lexi. Another mistake to atone for. “I think she said something about a last good-bye. Something she should have done a long time ago. I should have stopped her. I should have—”
“A good-bye?”
“Yeah, that’s right. She said she had one last thing to do. A good-bye she should have said a long time ago.”
Zach grabbed his keys and ran out of the house.
*
Lexi tried to wait until midnight, but she couldn’t do it. She was anxious, sick to her stomach about what she had to do. Finally, at about nine-thirty, she couldn’t stand it anymore. She left Scot’s warm, love-filled home and rode the bicycle out to LaRiviere Park. There she stood at the water’s edge. The sound of waves whooshing forward, reaching for her and receding, would forever remind her of first love. But finally, it was time to go.
She walked the bike up the hill and pedaled onto the main road. Even this late on a summer’s night, Main Street was full of people milling about, and Lexi dodged between and around them with the ease of a local girl in a tourist town. A faded melancholy assailed her as she passed the places that would forever define her youth. She would always remember the girl she’d been on this Main Street, the girl who laughed with her best friend and waited for a boy in a white Mustang.
On Beach Drive, she slowed down and coasted up to the Farradays’ driveway. Hiding her bike in the salal, she stayed close to the tree line until she was close enough to see that the house lights were off.
No one was home.
Breathing a sigh of relief, she walked down the driveway and around the side of the house.
Night claimed the backyard. A single porch light glowed above one of the doors, splashed light onto the glittery gray stone patio. Moonlight illuminated the waves and turned the grassy lawn blue.
She eased past the barbeque area and around the pair of chaise loungers that overlooked the Sound. Flicking on her borrowed flashlight, she pointed a beam of yellow light toward the giant cedar tree that guarded this bit of land from the encroaching water.
At the base of the tree, she scanned the ground with her flashlight, wondering exactly where she should dig first.
“We should have used a marker,” she said to the ghosts of the kids they’d been.
It’ll be a pact.
We’ll always be friends.
Never say good-bye.
They should never have buried the stupid Thermos, should never have let themselves get so caught up in nostalgia.
Or maybe she simply shouldn’t have remembered it. Who could have known how heavy a pact could become, how precise a promise could seem?
She dropped slowly to her knees, feeling the shock of cold sand on her bare skin. She dug through the sand, pushing mounds of it to one side and then the other.
It wasn’t here.
She dug faster, feeling desperation rise. She had to dig this up, had to say good-bye to Zach …
“Is this what you’re looking for?”
She heard his voice in the darkness, and when she looked up, there he was, standing at the edge of the trees. She must have walked right past him …
“I guess you beat me to it.” She got awkwardly to her feet.
“You can’t have it,” he said. “It stays. Just like the promise we all made.”
“That promise died in a car on Night Road,” she said.
“Did it?” He moved toward her slowly.
“Stay away from me, Zach. Please.”
“Why?”
Words were impossible with him this close. She started to turn away.
“Don’t go,” he said.
He couldn’t know what those words did to her. “Don’t, Zach. It’s too late. I can’t take it again. Just … let me go. Say good-bye. Throw the Thermos in the Sound.”
“I miss her,” he said, and Lexi felt the start of tears.
How was it they had never had this conversation? She started to say how sorry she was, but he shook his head and said, “But I miss you, too, Lexi.”
“Zach…” She could barely see him through her tears now, but she wouldn’t wipe them away.
“I don’t see how you could forgive me … I can’t forgive myself, and I’ll get it if you hate me. But Lex … oh, man … I’m so sorry.”
“You’re sorry? I killed your sister.”
He looked at her. She saw how uncertain he was, how afraid. “Could you ever love me again?”
She stared at this blurry version of him, shadows and moonlight, and remembered the first time he’d kissed her, the first time he’d held her hand, the day he’d stood up in court and said he was guilty, too, the day he’d taken their daughter in his arms. It was all between them in this instant—the good, the exceptional, the sad, the horrific. Everything that they’d been as kids and the adults they were trying to now be. She could no more deny loving him than she could carry weights into the Sound and drown herself. Some things simply were in life, and her love for him was one of those things. It didn’t matter that they were young or that there were a dozen reasons for them to be apart. It only mattered that his blood had somehow found its way into her veins and without him she was lost. “I do love you,” she said quietly. “I tried to stop…”