Night Road(125)

But even as she’d joined in, Jude had felt a rising sense of urgency. There was more to be done, she knew, more wrongs to right.

Finally, at about seven, the front door opened and Zach walked in, with his heavy backpack hanging off one shoulder.

“You’re late,” Jude said, rising to her feet.

“The last test was a bitch,” he said, tossing his backpack. He looked utterly exhausted. “I think I blew it.”

“You have a lot on your mind.”

“You think?”

“I tried calling you.”

“My phone died. Sorry.”

She got up from the sofa and stood there, staring at him. Even now, she wasn’t sure quite how to say all the things on her mind. The last few days had been so startling; she felt like a glacier that had begun slowly to melt and move again.

“I stopped by the lawyer’s office, too,” he said, meeting her gaze. “I agreed to the modified parenting plan. It’s done. I know you don’t like it, but I can’t hurt Lexi anymore. I won’t. And if she needs to have Grace by herself for a while, I’m going to say yes.” He paused, and then said quietly, “I shouldn’t have gotten drunk. If I had stayed sober—”

“Don’t, Zach, I—”

“You can’t run this thing, Mom. I know how much you care about everything, but this is about me and Lexi and Grace. I have to do what’s right.”

“I know,” she said. It was time. “And I’m proud of you.”

They were like soldiers who’d fought on a common battlefield, she and her son. There were things to say, but they were just words, and they would come in time. What mattered was that they had survived and that there was still love—between them and around them. Everything else was a postscript. There was really only one thing she needed to say to him now. One question to ask. “Do you still love her?”

Zach seemed to crumble at that. In his eyes, she saw both a fragile youth and a terrible maturity. “I’ve always loved her. I never even tried not to.”

She gathered her son in her arms and held him as she should have years ago, when he was young and hurting and afraid. She wished she’d known then what mattered most. “I love you like air, Zach.”

He held her tightly. “I love you, too, Madre.”

It was the first time he’d called her that in years, and with that little endearment, she melted more, moved just that much closer to who she’d been. She drew back slowly. “I think she’s leaving tomorrow. Going to Florida maybe.”

“Why?”

“She thinks Grace will be better off without her.”

“But that’s crazy.”

“Lexi has always tried to do what was right for everyone else. That’s who she is, isn’t it? I should have remembered that, Zach … how much Lexi meant to us … to me.”

Zach looked at her. She saw both hope and worry in his eyes: hope that she meant it and worry that she didn’t. “What are you saying?”

“Go find her, Zach. Tell her how you feel.” She pushed the hair from his eyes and smiled. “She’s a part of our family. She needs to know that.”

“She won’t care, Mom. I let her go to prison.”

“You can’t claim all the blame, Zach.”

“Enough of it. How could she forgive me?”

“Can you forgive me, for being such a bad mom in the last few years?”

“There’s no need.”

“That’s how we do it, Zach. We just … forgive. I used to worry that you and Lexi were too young for love, and I still think of you as young, but you’re not, are you? None of us are, and life doesn’t take the straight road.”

“Where is she?”

“I don’t know that.”

Zach gave her a hug and then hurried out of the cabin. She was still in the open doorway, staring up the empty driveway when she felt Miles come up beside her.

He put an arm around her. “He went to find Lexi?”

“Yep.”

“Change comes fast.”

“It can.” She turned into him, slipped her hands around his waist, and gave him a kiss.

It was a quiet miracle, really, the durability of their love.

“Nana, Papa!” Grace slipped between them like a little eel. “Let’s play Candy Land. Nana can be Princess Frostine.”

“Your Nana doesn’t play—” Miles started.

“I’d love to play Candy Land again,” Jude said.

It was strange how a sentence could free something inside of you—such a little thing.

They sat around the coffee table, in front of the fire. With the board set up, they played and talked and laughed. They were finally putting it away when the front door burst open and Zach walked in.

“I couldn’t find her,” he said, looking miserable and pissed off. He tossed his car keys on the entry table. “I don’t even know where to look.”

Grace ran to him and he picked her up, kissing her cheek.

“Hey, Daddy. Look what my mommy gave me.” She held out the ring.

Jude thought her son was going to crumple to his knees right there. “The promise ring,” he said, letting Grace slide down to the floor. “She didn’t want it anymore.”