Next Year in Havana(97)

I sit next to Beatriz and Isabel on the couch in the corner of my father’s study, praying my stomach can make it through this family meeting without giving away my condition. Maria and my mother sit in the chairs opposite his desk, my mother in the very chair where I once sat and begged for my father to intervene and save Pablo’s life.

I thought I was saving him by sending him to the mountains, but it was all for naught.

And Alejandro—

A lump forms in my throat. Beatriz tenses beside me when our father begins speaking.

“The situation in Cuba is changing. There are rumors that they’re going to pass an act to reform the amount of land an individual or company can own. Small farmers will be fine, but for those with more than a thousand acres, the plantations . . .” My father swallows. “They say Fidel wishes to take those away.”

Fidel’s initial desire to abstain from government has been obliterated. José Miró Cardona is out, and Fidel is prime minister now. Manuel Urrutia Lleó is Fidel’s creature. We are all Fidel’s creatures.

Fidel killed my brother—or gave the order, at least. I am certain of it.

“It’s hard enough with the labor problems,” our father continues. “But if Fidel gets everything he wants? They treat him as though he is a god; there is no stopping a god, no reasoning or negotiating with one. He will destroy everything in his path.” His voice breaks over the words. We do not speak of it, but we all know. “The people will let him, they will cheer him on, fueled by their anger and their thirst for blood, and they will tear those of us who prospered all this time from limb to limb.”

My mother pales—

The French Revolution has come to Cuba.

His voice lowers; in Havana now, the walls have ears.

“We will go.”

“Emilio—”

“Quiet.”

My mother falls silent.

“We will go,” he continues, “because it is no longer safe for us to stay. We will go until it is safe for us to return.”

We will go because they are killing Perezes in Havana.

“Where will we go?” Beatriz asks, a defiant gleam in her eyes.

I close mine, offering a prayer that she will accept this, that we can get through this with minimal discord. I have nothing else left inside me. Whereas Alejandro’s death has drained me, it has filled her with a righteous fury the likes of which I have never before seen.

“To the United States,” he answers. “I have some friends in Florida who will help us. There’s sugar in South Florida. I have some land there.”

I’m not entirely surprised. My father is the sort of man who always has a card up his sleeve, who has a contingency plan in place.

In contrast, my mother looks like she might faint.

“Who will watch the house while we are gone? Our things?” she asks.

I feel a pang of sympathy for my mother; my father isn’t interested in her opinion, her concerns, her fears. He has decided we will go to America, and he will brook no argument over the matter.

“The servants will,” he answers. “Your aunt can come stay for a bit. It will be no different than when we’ve left the country for a trip. This one will simply be longer, give some time for the country to sort itself out. This insanity cannot continue forever; at some point, the people will come to their senses.

“Fidel does not offer any real solutions for Cuba. He has no experience governing, doesn’t have what it takes to lead this country. They flock to him now because he removed Batista, but mark my words, there will be another leader whose name they’re chanting sooner rather than later. Perezes have shaped Cuba’s future for centuries. Sugar is this country’s foundation. We will always have a home in Cuba.”

I want to believe his words. I want to believe in something when I fear I no longer believe in anything at all.

Tears spill over Isabel’s cheeks. Beatriz looks like she wants to slap someone. My mother and father appear slightly shell-shocked as they run through his plans, their voices hushed to prevent any of the staff from overhearing.

The staff—

What will happen to Magda in our absence?

What will I tell Ana? The rest of my friends?

“Nothing,” my father says when I ask the question aloud. “You are to say nothing to draw attention to us.” His words are directed toward all of us, but his gaze rests on Beatriz.

Maria appears caught between excitement and fear—to be thirteen again.

My hand drifts to my stomach, to the life beneath my palm, that tiny life fluttering inside me. I can’t hide the secret much longer. Once we’re settled in the United States, I’ll have to tell my family about the baby, need to face this additional change in my life. But not yet—

Not until we make it through this next challenge, this next shift in fortunes.

So now we will go and inhabit the country that has shaped our destinies whether we wanted it to or not. There’s an irony in the fact that our casinos and hotels are filled to the brim with Americans, and now we will flood their country in a similar fashion, looking for some sanctuary from this mess we’ve gotten ourselves into.

“We leave tomorrow,” my father decrees.

My sisters are crying now, attempting to muffle their tears, to keep the rest of the house from knowing our plans.

“We will go as tourists. It is the only way. You will treat this as a trip abroad; you can each take one suitcase with you. Anything valuable will have to remain behind.”