Nate(88)

“Probably what he wanted to talk about today. I think he could feel how much I loved him, and I think he’s going to end it between us.”

“No. You don’t know that.”

But I did.

I felt it.

“Are you going to tell him how you feel?”

The pit of my stomach dropped out. I was gripping my phone so hard. I whispered, feeling like a coward, “I don’t know.”

“Babe.”

“I know. I know. A part of me just wants to tell him, roll the dice and see what he says, but what if he decides this isn’t the right environment for me? For us? Then I think… just shut up and keep him as long as I can keep him? You know?”

“I don’t like that you’re thinking of this.”

“What if it’s the truth? I could lose Nova.”

“No. He would never do that.”

“Nothing’s protecting me. I can’t lose her. I can take the pain. I can pretend, lie, take the hits as long as I have her.” My eyes closed, and a tear slipped out, I told her. “She called me ‘Mama’ today.”

She gasped. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Now I was crying and smiling at the same time. I was feeling nuts and probably looking nuts.

“That’s wonderful!”

“Nate heard it. He was there.”

Oh God. Was that why he decided to end it? Because he heard her call me Mama?

No. I couldn’t believe that.

I could believe a lot, but not that. Nate wouldn’t be like that. He’d never been like that with me.

He has with others.

No. I shut those thoughts down. Nate didn’t deserve me having those thoughts about him.

He made you sign that paper. You can’t fight him for her. Are you forgetting he did that?

“I think you should just tell. Would that actually be that bad?”

“Yes!” I hissed, already feeling the rejection from him, already seeing the rejection from him. “The only good scenario that comes out of this is if he feels the same, and he’s told me he doesn’t. I can’t keep deluding myself. No good will come out of me telling him my feelings. None.”

I needed to keep him to keep Nova, and that meant I needed to handle myself.

I used to hate him.

We’d been enemies at first.

I could do that. Hate him, fuck him, and still love Nova. Still have Nova.

I could do that. I would do that.

It was the only way.

I needed to hate Nate Monson again.

It was the best idea ever.

I turned, feeling energized because it was the best way I could stay.

I could stay with Nova.

I could stay with Nate.

And I wouldn’t get hurt.

“I do—”

I wasn’t looking.

I had forgotten where I was.

I thought I was in the middle of the sidewalk.

I wasn’t.

I was on the edge, and I stepped out, forgetting…





*



“Hey, lady!”





*



A blaring horn.

Screeching brakes.

Someone was screaming.





*



I’d forgotten where I was.

Then everything went black.





49





Quincey





The beeping woke me up.

Then the pain.

There was so much pain.

It hurt. Everything hurt.

“She’s awake.”

That—what?

A rustling sound.

“Miss Royas? I’m Dr. Cass. How are you feeling? How’s your pain tolerance?”

I didn’t—what?

I opened my eyes.

The light was blinding, and I cried out, trying to roll over.

I couldn’t.

I wanted to get away from that light.

“Miss Royas.”

That same voice, but it hadn’t been the one saying I was awake.

I didn’t want that one there.

I knew who that one was, and he shouldn’t have been allowed in my room.

Right?

My room?

I looked around.

The guy said he was a doctor.

The beeping.

I was in a hospital room.

What happened?

I tried to think…

Thinking hurt.

I had a headache.

Why did my head hurt so bad?

“Miss Royas, we’ve been checking your vitals, and you’re doing so much better…”

He droned on, and I stopped listening.

I didn’t know who he was.

I didn’t know what he was saying.

I was trying to remember—it happened in a flash.

I was flooded with memories.

Nate.

Ricci.

A phone call.

I was outside.

Nova.

Nova.

Nova.

Nate.

Hurt.

Pain.

Longing.

Love.

Then—the car.

I remembered the car now.

I was hit by a car.

I was going—I didn’t remember.