Nate(46)

I shook my thoughts clear. It wouldn’t change a thing anyway. “I’m fine.”

I gave him a small smile as the waiter held my chair for me.

Water was already on the table for us, and our server disappeared. He’d be bringing bread and wine when he returned. Or she. They usually had a full team taking care of the tables.

“You like Keela?”

Despite my heavy thoughts, I did relax, the feeling that this place always gave me. Or how I remembered it from the few times I’d been here. “I do. I think the last time I was here was the night I danced in Seattle’s Nutcracker. I came here with my father and my agent.” I had to laugh. “My agent dropped me when he found out I was quitting dancing to raise Nova.”

“Then he’s a shitty agent. You can get a better one.”

He sounded so sure, and he was looking at me as if he believed what he said because it was the most sensible thing in the world. I almost had to laugh at that, too.

I realigned the cloth napkin on my lap before raising my face. “That world doesn’t work like that. You get what you get. Sometimes you have to shut up and take what’s dished to you.”

He raised an eyebrow with a smooth chuckle. “No offense, but that’s bullshit. You’re talking like I don’t know the world of agents.” He leaned forward, dropping his tone, but his eyes took on a whole smoldering effect. “I think you’re forgetting who my best friend and brother-in-law are.”

Right.

God.

Right.

I had forgotten.

“I feel a little foolish.”

“If you want a better agent who will work with you through your life transitions, I can put some feelers out. I have a feeling you’ll be snatched up within hours, so heed my advice? Pick who you want. Put a list together of a few options, and we can strategize on how to make that happen.”

“I got my last agent through my father.”

His mouth flattened. “I’m not surprised by that. I more wonder who he didn’t pick for you.”

“You think there were others interested in representing me?”

He gave me another look. “I’m willing to bet money there were.”

I…I’d never thought of it that way, but deep down, I knew he was right. Again.

A surge of anger flooded me, and I had to grab my chair’s armrests. My fingers dug in.

My father had totally and completely done that to me. I even had others approach me. They asked for a phone call, handed me their card, and what had I done? Nothing.

Because I went with who my father wanted.

And I never considered the other options. They’d barely registered in my head.

A slight gurgle rippled up my throat. “Ever feel like you’ve been on a train all your life, and you’ve been staring out the same window the whole time because that side has trees and forests and they are familiar, but something happens to draw your attention away, and you get a glimpse of the other side of the train, and you realize you could’ve been watching the ocean instead? That was a whole long sentence, but while you love trees, you might’ve seen some whales? Or dolphins? Or just cute seals.”

He glanced around us. “I don’t know. I’m preferable to the trees right about now.”

I grinned, a sudden ball of tension expelling from me. It left an imprint inside, one that was lined with sadness.

I’d missed so much, and I was just starting to realize it.

Bread and some wine were brought over. We gave our orders not long after, but I was distracted. I didn’t remember what I ordered. I pointed and said, “I’ll take this, thank you.” As soon as he had gone, there was a pulse between Nate and me.

He was watching me, waiting.

I had more to say, but I needed to say it in my own time. He was unnervingly able to read me, so I’m sure he also knew that, too.

I took a sip of my water, passing on the wine. “Ever been around someone who was emotionally manipulative? Or maybe it’s mentally manipulative?”

He grimaced, taking a sip of his own water. “I’ve been around people who’ve been around people like that. My parents and I butted heads when I was young, but it was more of a direct and blunt disagreement. I knew what they wanted, and they knew I wasn’t going to do what they wanted. There was no manipulation about it, just straight control.”

He hadn’t mentioned his parents this whole time, and I realized how odd that was. His friends, yes. His sister, yes. Not who he should’ve mentioned, though.

I felt almost shy asking, “Are you close to your parents?”

A thin line formed around his mouth. “Not really.”

I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to know about it, but it felt intrusive to ask.

Nate sighed, putting his water down. “They made mistakes. Or I was the mistake. I don’t know now, to be honest, but time’s passed. They went on a whole spiritual journey a few years back, trying to make up for things, but too much time passed for me. I’m cordial with them. I’ll call them if I need to, but I don’t look at them as parents anymore if that makes any sense?”

Yes. A whole resounding yes because I was there with Duke.

“It does.” My one hand had been digging into the armrest. I let it drop into my lap, my other holding onto my water like it was made of gold. “I’ve always known that my father was controlling, but I’ve always thought I chose to remain with him. Before I left to move in with you, it never occurred that maybe I’d been staying with him because of him, not me. Like I didn’t know I even had a choice not to live with him.” I cringed at that terminology. “To stay with him, to live with him, it means the same. To be on his team. And if I’m not on his team, then I’m out. That’s a form of manipulation, isn’t it?”