Most of All You: A Love Story(71)

He ran his lathered hands up my other leg and then dragged the razor up it as well. I wanted to arch my back with the sensation, suddenly so overstimulated, I thought I might just slide down into the water and kiss him myself. Uncertainty assaulted me, though, and so I sat motionless as he finished the job and then rinsed my legs and my feet, standing and stepping out of the tub where his soaking wet pants dripped on the bathmat.

He grabbed a towel, and when I swung my legs out of the tub and over the side, he blotted them dry.

I watched his face as he did so, and he looked so intense, so focused. I thought for sure he was going to ask me to stay the night with him or that he would make a move of some sort. And so when he leaned up and kissed me on the cheek and whispered, “Good night,” I froze and blinked.

Gabriel stood and walked stiffly out of the bathroom. I followed, whispering, “Good night, Gabriel,” as I passed him at his bedroom door. I hesitated a couple of seconds too long, giving him a chance to ask me to stay, and we both stared at each other for several beats before I turned my head and walked out. I heard him release a shaky breath behind me.

I returned to my room and took a cool shower and then got in bed, still feeling frustrated and confused. As I lay there in the quiet, I realized that I didn’t know what it was like to want like this. I’d never experienced it before. I’d never even known what wanting was, not really, and I was suddenly … amazed. And something warm and tender moved through me. Oh God. Gabriel had given this to me. And though it made me feel slightly crazed, it also made me feel powerful and alive.

I sat up in bed, a slow smile moving over my face as I gathered the sheet to my chest. Was he waiting for me to be ready? Was it another gift Gabriel was trying to give to me? The experience of knowing I wanted a man and offering myself to him, rather than only ever being taken? But wasn’t it the same for him? I groaned. Of course it would be just like Gabriel to have been ready for weeks and to be waiting for me to know I was ready, too.

I got out of bed, nervous and unsure, and yet filled with a yearning so strong I was consumed with it.

I opened the door softly and stepped into the hallway, looking at his closed door. My nerves were like a buzzing in my veins, and I almost turned back, but I gathered my courage and walked quickly to his door, turning the knob and stepping inside.

His room was dim, the only light on next to his bed. He was lying under a sheet, his chest naked, with a book in his hand. When he saw me, a worried frown came over his face. He sat up on one elbow. “Ellie? Are you okay?”

I nodded jerkily, my heart beating so loudly, it seemed to echo in my ears. “You’re reading—”

He laid the book aside. “No.” He shook his head. “I’ve read the same sentence fifteen times now.”

“Oh …” My voice came out in a croaky whisper, and I cleared my throat. Gabriel was so still, waiting. “I want you,” I said in a whispered rush of words. “And I thought maybe you might … want … too.” I swallowed, pressing my palms against the closed door at my back.

A look of such raw tenderness came over Gabriel’s expression that I stopped breathing for a second before my breath resumed in a quick rush of air. I wanted to drink that look in, to make it part of me forever. “I do,” he said. “I do want … too.” His small, crooked smile, filled with love and a glint of teasing, made my shoulders relax.

He threw the sheet back and got out of bed. He was wearing boxers, and my heartbeat quickened when I saw the outline of his arousal through the thin material. I swallowed again, his beauty affecting me twice as much this time as it had the first time I saw him half-naked. This time … oh, this time, I was going to touch him and so much more.

If we see each other naked again, it won’t be a job, or an accident. It will be because we both want it, and because it means something.

Yes.

Oh yes.

He pressed me gently against the door with his hips and brought his hands to my face, kissing me as I melted into him, my body softening everywhere to mold to his hardness.

“We fit so perfectly, don’t we?” he murmured, and a rush of arousal raced through my blood at his words.

He kissed down my neck, feathering his lips over my skin, and I felt something in him that I hadn’t felt before: He was holding nothing back this time. There was no reservation in his touch, no doubt in his kiss. I had offered myself to him, and he meant to give all of himself as well.

He led me to the bed and came over me as I lay back. “You might have to show me how to do this. I’ve never done it before,” he whispered, a small smile on his lips and a hint of vulnerability in his eyes.

I brought a hand to his cheek. “I don’t think I’ve done this before, either. Not like this. Let’s just figure it out as we go.”

He gazed at me so seriously before he kissed me again.

We undressed each other slowly in the soft glow of the reading lamp. I didn’t feel a second of shame as his gaze moved over my naked body, and for a moment the lack of discomfort confused me. But then realization dawned: this was what it should feel like to be a woman. I’d never had any idea at all.

We touched and kissed with loving hands and open hearts, and I’d been right to think I’d never experienced anything like this before. It was tender and generous, and it was everything. Everything I’d never known.