Most of All You: A Love Story(53)
The doorbell rang and Gabriel opened the door to George, who came in with a warm greeting and a smile.
We all sat down to eat, and for the first ten minutes of the meal, everyone chatted and complimented Chloe on the delicious food. It was the first family meal I’d ever experienced, and even though I knew I wasn’t welcome by Dominic, I soaked in the experience, watching as everyone laughed and enjoyed each other. I stole a glance at Gabriel sitting next to me. He was relaxed in his chair, one arm slung casually over the back of mine, participating easily in the conversation, and when he caught my eye and smiled, I blushed and looked away, feeling as if I’d been caught doing something I shouldn’t do.
He has feelings for you. And if that man has feelings for you, you must be someone very special … I’d wondered why he was caring for me, why he might like me. Could I accept that maybe he just did? Could it be that simple? Did he see things in me I didn’t even know were there? Things that made me good and lovable?
You’re such a good, smart girl, Ellie. You don’t forget that, okay? No matter what, you don’t forget that.
The possibility surprised me, beckoned to me, opened up a well of hope within that caused a fluttering, something I’d thought long dead and buried coming to life. It felt as if a lure were dangling before me, something shiny and beautiful, and all I had to do was reach out and grab it.
The conversation droned on around me, the sound of Chloe’s light laughter ringing in small bursts. I followed some of it, what they were saying, but mostly I just watched as they interacted, the casual ease with which they all related.
I watched both George and Dominic smile at Chloe, captivated by her charm, and wondered what it’d feel like to be so happy-go-lucky all the time, wondered what it’d feel like to laugh so effortlessly. How good would it feel to be looked at the way the men at the table were looking at Chloe? With smiles and warm gazes. I smiled at her cheerful radiance, too, laughing softly at a story she was telling about a professor she had.
Under the table, I felt Gabriel’s hand as he laced his fingers through mine, his touch gentle and solid just like him, and goose bumps broke out on my arm. Oh, my heart seemed to sigh. Our hands linked together in a way that made me feel we’d been created together, that every part of his body might contain a place just for me, a place I’d fit like no other. As if we’d been sculpted with the other in mind. Silly idea. Fantastical even. Not me at all. And yet I wouldn’t dismiss it because the thought itself felt too good. I was flushed with happiness, and a sense of sudden belonging washed through me, dancing in my veins. When was the last time I’d felt as if I belonged anywhere? Long ago … so very long ago.
I looked over at Gabriel, and he was watching me, his eyes soft and his lips tipped up in a sweet smile.
“How’s your leg, Ellie?”
Hearing my name snapped me from my thoughts, and I blinked as I moved my gaze from Gabriel to Dominic, who’d asked the question. He tilted his beer back and took a long swallow. Two empty beer bottles were on the table next to the one he set down. I noticed a shine to his eyes, a slight drag to his words. I knew that look. He was drunk, or if not drunk, getting there.
“Better,” I said warily. Something mean came into his eyes. I recognized it, had seen it all my life, knew it like the feel of the stripper pole sliding between my hands—familiar yet unwanted. I braced myself for the cruelty I’d come to expect from men like him.
He nodded slowly. “Good. Can’t lap dance on only one good leg. Or can you? Maybe some men enjoy that kind of thing. You’d know.”
My lungs felt suddenly constricted, and I looked down at my plate, my appetite gone. Around me the conversation died.
“Dominic,” Gabriel said. A warning.
“What?” Dominic asked, taking another swallow of beer. “She is a stripper, right? I’m sorry, was it a secret? I was only inquiring about her ability to do her job. She’ll have to go back to work at some point, right?”
“Dominic, that’s enough. You’re being inappropriate and you know it,” George said.
I knew George was defending me out of kindness, but it embarrassed me, made it more obvious what Dominic was doing. Made me feel as if I should be humiliated by his words. Whereas moments ago I’d felt as if I belonged, now I felt separate, apart, my shameful differences highlighted for everyone to discuss. “Really, it’s okay, George,” I said softly, my gaze not leaving Dominic. “Dominic’s right. I can’t dance with only one good leg.”
I let go of Gabriel’s hand, linking my own under the table. Chloe had paused, and when I glanced at her briefly, I noticed her eyes move between all of us. Dismay flickered in her expression, before her lips set in a thin line.
Dominic held his hands up. “Sorry, didn’t mean any offense. Forgive me, Ellie, if I embarrassed you.”
Our eyes held for another fraction of a second before I looked away, but not before I’d seen the gleam of victory in his eyes. He wasn’t sorry. He’d succeeded in what he’d set out to do: make me realize how much I didn’t belong here, not in this house and not with Gabriel. I felt absurd and clownish as if he’d read the secret thoughts in my head, knew the hopeful wanderings of my mind, and made it clear how stupid I was to let myself even entertain such things. I’d let down my guard and he’d taken advantage. Why should it be surprising? Only it was because here I felt … safe. Less alone.