Most of All You: A Love Story(16)
I took my time covering the piece, cleaning up my studio, and filling out the necessary shipping forms for the mantel. As I was putting some supplies away, I caught sight of the small figures I kept at the back of a high cabinet—the figures that had saved my life once upon a time. The figures that had been my only friends. The sight of them no longer brought a heavy feeling of melancholy but instead a small twinge of happiness. They were another reason—maybe even the main reason—I was standing right where I was.
“Hi, guys,” I said, nodding at each of them, chuckling softly at myself self-consciously. “Nice to see you.” I told myself for the hundredth time that I should just throw them out. What was the reason I held on to them? They were the last physical reminder of the pain I’d endured for years. And yet I still couldn’t bring myself to do it. I wasn’t sure why my eyes lingered on the figure on the end—the stone girl with the flower held in her hands. I whispered her name. “Eloise. Lady Eloise of the Daffodil Fields.”
CHAPTER SIX
Everything is going to be okay. Maybe not today, but eventually. Do you believe?
Racer, the Knight of Sparrows
CRYSTAL
I walked off the stage, limping slightly once I was out of sight. “Damn blister,” I muttered. I’d been walking everywhere for the past couple of days, and the blister I’d gotten on the highway the day my car broke down still hadn’t had a chance to heal. I supposed my job didn’t require many fancy dance moves—the pigs out there were happy enough with a few hip thrusts—but I liked to challenge myself to come up with a new routine every once in a while. Not for them, but for me.
I had just put my tip money in my locker when I heard yelling from down the hall and walked toward Rodney’s office. The door was standing wide open and Kayla was inside, standing in front of him as he circled her. “It looks to me like you’ve put on a lot more than ten pounds,” he said, his eyes moving up and down her body, his expression one of utter disgust. He reached out and took a handful of her ass, and he must have squeezed because Kayla jumped and let out a little yelp. Her eyes were wide with shame, and her neck was blotchy.
“I’ve been having a rough time, Rodney,” she said. “My old man walked out on me and—”
“And it’s no fucking wonder!” He threw his hands up in the air. “Why would he want a lard-ass for a girlfriend?” Kayla grimaced, looking down at her feet.
I crossed my arms. “Do you really think you’re the one who should be giving diet advice to anyone?” I looked pointedly at his huge gut.
Rodney smirked at me. “I’m not the one shaking my stretch-marked ass out there for paying customers,” he said, a nasty edge to his tone. “So don’t give me any of that shit. Neither one of you is worth more than your tits and ass, so keep ’em in shape.” He turned back to Kayla. “You’ve got a month to take off the weight, or you can find yourself another club. If anyone else would even have you. And you, Crystal, stop being such a fucking bitch to the customers. Men want a woman who’s warm and inviting—not some ice queen. Now get out.”
Kayla headed toward me, dejected, and as I stood in the doorway, I felt sick and filled with impotent rage. Men want a woman who’s warm and inviting—not some ice queen. But Rodney was wrong—men didn’t give a hot damn what I was as long as I let them grope my body to their heart’s content. Kayla caught my eye and gave her head a small shake. Whatever was in my expression must have told her I was considering ripping Rodney a new one. Disgusting asshole. The thought was compelling, but I knew anything I said would only make things worse for Kayla, and for me. I needed this shit job. And so I clamped my lips shut and followed her back to our dressing room. I shut the door and let out a growl, picking up a small wastebasket by the door and chucking it. The plastic made an unsatisfying clink when it hit the wall and clattered to the floor, right side up as if it’d been placed there. All I’d managed to do was relocate it.
“Feel better?” Kayla asked sarcastically, sinking onto the settee.
“Fucking prick,” I muttered. “You okay?”
She sighed. “Yeah. He’s right anyway. I have gained weight. I can’t seem to stay away from junk food since Wayne’s been gone. Yesterday I stayed in bed with a bag of Doritos and a box of donuts watching old DVDs until three in the afternoon.” She looked down at her clasped hands. “I thought he was the one. I’m so stupid. I thought we were gonna get married, I might be a mom someday.” She paused, tears welling in her eyes. “And now I’m just … I’m so damn lonely.”
My heart contracted painfully. “Oh, Kayla,” I sighed. “You call me if you have a day like that. I’ll come over and eat Doritos with you.”
“Nah, I don’t share my Doritos with anyone.”
I laughed and she shot me a wobbly grin. “Hey, if we can still laugh, we must be halfway okay, right?”
Her smile slipped. “Halfway okay. Yeah. Is there anything more?”
The silence stretched between us for a minute, Kayla’s face filled with so much defeat it broke my heart. She was one of the only girls here who had been a true friend to me since I’d gotten this job. She was never petty, never superficial or competitive like all the others. I wanted to tell her there was more. I wanted to share my own hope with her that life held happiness for girls like us. But I’d given up on hope long ago. I’d discovered early that hope was nothing but a cruel and dangerous business.