Misadventures of a Rookie (Misadventures #11)(63)

My chest seized up as I watched her while she watched me.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

No. Not even kind of, but she was trying. She hadn’t tried in years. Swallowing back the emotion that was trying to suffocate me, I glanced down at my lap. “He figured out things about him,” I said, moving my head toward Davis. “And I blew up at him, told him that I was worried he would do what Jesse did, and I walked out.”

“Do you really believe he would do that?”

I looked up. She was leaning on her lap, holding her face in her hands.

“You told me earlier he was different.”

“He is.” I licked my lips, fighting back my tears. “He is amazing, he is funny, and he’s so giving. He would do anything for me. But I know he’ll choose his career over me, when he should—he’s talented as hell. But, like Jesse, he loves the attention of ladies—”

“Stop right there,” she said, and I looked up at her. “Will he act on it?”

I just blinked. “Huh?”

“Will he act on the need for the ladies? You know him, so you should know the answer.”

Silence stretched between us, the only sounds being that of Davis’s soft sleeping. As my eyes started to cloud with tears, I slowly shook my head. “No, he wouldn’t. He loves me.”

She nodded, her lips curving. “And do you love him?”

I swallowed hard. “I do.”

“Okay, then what’s wrong? What are you thinking?”

I shrugged. “I’m embarrassed by how things played out, and I’m scared that even though I think he won’t hurt me, and that he loves me, he will hurt me. He’s all about these promises, and I hate promises—”

“With Jesse,” she supplied. “You hate the promises that Jesse made. You know you can’t make this guy pay for Jesse’s mistakes, don’t you?”

When my tears started to fall, it was no longer because of everything that was happening with Gus. That was part of it, but it was mainly because my mom was finally being my mom again. I had waited for this for so long. Covering my face with my hands, I slowly nodded, and when I felt her arms around me, I leaned into her.

“Bocephus, baby, you haven’t dated anyone in years, haven’t even talked about anyone, but now you are. You talk about him, and you get this look in your eyes. Baby, that has to mean something.”

“It does,” I whispered. “It really does.”

“Good. Baby, you have to live your life and love it. If this man helps you live and loves you, why fight, baby?”

“Because I’m an idiot?”

She laughed against my ear as she kissed my temple. “Then stop being an idiot.”

“Easier said than done,” I laughed, and she kissed my cheek before holding my face.

“I love you, baby, and I want you to be happy.”

“I do too,” I said as my tears continued to fall. “I love you, Mom.”

She smiled widely at me before kissing me hard on the cheek just as my phone went off. Pulling away, we both looked down at it, and I saw that it was in fact from Gus, and there was a lot.

“Is that him?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Gus. His name is Gus.”

She smiled. “Answer him.”

She patted my face, and then she was gone as I lifted my phone, opening the message.

Gus: This is going to be long, so get comfortable. When you left last night, I sat there for a moment, waiting for the relief to come. Like, finally, I was out of this relationship, I could go back to my old ways, and I would be awesome. But relief didn’t come. I was just miserable. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t how to make you answer me or anything. I felt like I was dying. So I stayed up most of the night trying to figure out what to do, and I came up with nothing, because no matter what I do, no matter what I say, it won’t matter if you don’t want me. The funny thing is, I really thought you did. I seriously thought we were solid. Like right now, I’m standing in a hall waiting for the team doctors to look at me, and all I want is to come to you and tell you that I have a spot here with the Tornadoes. I got it. And I’m excited and I’m ready, but I wish like hell you were here with me. I want to kiss you, I want to share this with you, because, Bo, I love you. Don’t you get that? I love you and only you. Yeah, I know you hate promises, they’re stupid, or whatever you called them. The thing is, when I was eight years old, I watched my dad promise my mom he would never hurt her. He would never leave her. And he promised he’d love her until he was dead in the ground. He’s kept those promises and even made more. And he’s kept them all. I want to be that man. I want to be that man for you. I want to give you a new standard. I don’t want you to look at promises or hockey players and think they’re shit. Well, actually, you can think that about anyone else except me. You have to like me, but you get what I’m saying? This would be so much easier on the phone, but if this is how it has to be, fine. Because I promise I’ll never leave you unless you send me away. I promise to support you even when you don’t support yourself. And I promise to give all the orgasms you could ever want or need. But most of all, I’ll always want you, and I love you. Even when you don’t want me. So call me. I want to see you.