Misadventures of a College Girl (Misadventures #9)(19)

Oh, for the love of all things holy. What the hell kind of snow job is this? My dad played college ball, so I happen to know the offensive and defensive players attend the same practices at the same times. Yeah, Jake probably spends more time than other players watching films and working with his quarterback coach, but there’s absolutely no reason why he and Aaron would have “the exact same practice schedule” any more than Jake and any defensive player. I look at the three guys. All of them are smiling at me. But Tyler’s smile is nothing short of diabolical.

“Um. Sure. No problem,” I say.

The professor looks at Tyler. “You’re sure this swap will work for you, Tyler?”

“Yep. Anything to help Jake,” Tyler replies.

The professor looks concerned. “You don’t think you should maybe be assigned to a teammate, too, given the heavy demands on your time with practices and games and travel?”

I roll my eyes. What the heck happened to “Don’t bother asking me to change partners”? Perhaps the professor more accurately should have said, “Don’t bother asking me to change partners, unless you’re a handsome football star, in which case go right ahead.”

“No, it’s fine,” Tyler says. “But thanks so much for asking. I’ve got a lot going on, for sure, but not quite as much as Jake. He’s got to be ready to command the entire ship, as it were. I’ve just got to be ready to chase after whatever guy on the opposing team happens to be going after the little brown ball.” He smiles like he’s just uttered the understatement of the year, and the professor giggles.

Christ almighty. Of all the professors on this campus, I had to get the one who’s a diehard football fan?

“If it helps Jake, then I’m more than happy to partner with Chloe here,” Tyler adds magnanimously.

“Zooey,” the professor corrects.

One side of Tyler’s mouth hitches up. “Zooey. So sorry.”

“No problem, Taylor,” I say.

“Tyler,” Tyler says. “Tyler Caldwell.”

I return his smirk. “Tyler. So sorry.”

The professor claps her hands together. “Okay, I’ll see you all on Wednesday, then.” She begins gathering her stuff, signaling this conversation is now over.

I sling my backpack over my shoulder and march toward the exit.

“Zooey!” the professor calls after me and I turn around, a fake smile on my face. “Be sure to get Tyler’s contact information. You two will need to get together to map out your game plan for the next five weeks.”

“Thanks for the reminder, Professor,” Tyler says sweetly. “Yeah, we’ll want to get together as soon as possible, for sure.”

I nod. It’s all I can muster at the moment. Without saying a word or even glancing at Tyler, I turn on my heel and march out of the classroom.





Chapter Ten





“No, I’m not ‘elated’ about it,” I huff. Despite my best efforts to elude Tyler after Social Psych, he sprinted after me, and now he’s tagging alongside me as I make my way toward my next class in North Campus. “I was honestly excited to partner with Jake.”

Tyler scoffs. “Bah. I did you a huge favor, cupcake. Unless, of course, your goal in life is to never achieve orgasm as long as you live—in which case, yeah, I definitely thwarted that plan. Sorry, not sorry.”

“Gee, that’s not a preposterous leap in logic. Me being Jake’s partner on a class project during my first year of college would lead to me never having a single orgasm throughout my entire life? How do you figure that one, cupcake?”

“I’m just connecting the dots,” Tyler replies. “If I’d left you partnered with Jake for five weeks, you would have lost your virginity to him, no doubt about it.” He rolls his eyes. “And that means you would have fallen in love with him, despite the fact that he’s got the personality of paint drying, just because you’re a newbie, and he looks the part of Mr. Right. Fast forward twenty years and ten babies later, and there you’d be, lying in bed one night after deeply unsatisfying sex with your boring-ass husband, and a little voice inside your head would whisper, I wonder if Tyler Caldwell would have been able to make me come the way my boring-ass husband never has?”

I scoff. “Careful, Tyler. Your jealousy is showing. Unless you’ve had sex with Jake yourself, you’re in no position to comment on his sexual skills or lack thereof. Have you had sex with Jake?”

“Nope. I’m straight. But I’ve got intel straight from the horse’s mouth.” He lowers his voice. “What I’m about to tell you is highly confidential, okay? Seriously. You can’t tell anyone.”

“Fine.”

He leans toward me. “For the last couple of years, Jake’s been asking me for tips to use with his girlfriend. You know, techniques. Apparently, no matter what he tried with her, he just couldn’t get her off. Not once. So, you see, all I’m trying to do here is protect you from a disastrous first time, followed by an entire lifetime of sexual dissatisfaction.” He motions to the phrase on his shirt. “You’re welcome.”

“Thanks, but I don’t want or need your protection,” I say. “I’m quite confident I can find myself a guy who’ll buy me a cheeseburger before de-virginizing me without your assistance.”