Million Love Songs(76)
When the film finishes, Joe goes to make a cup of tea and Daisy troops after him to help. I’m left alone with Tom on the sofa. As he’s finished his popcorn, I push my bowl between us. Miraculously, there’s quite a bit left in there. ‘Help yourself.’
He dips in, making absolutely sure that our hands aren’t reaching in at the same time. Even that, it seems, would be a traitorous act against his mum.
I smile at him. ‘That was a great film. I can see why you all like it.’
‘It was mum’s favourite,’ he says pointedly.
‘She has great taste.’
Then he looks at me squarely. ‘You’ll never replace her.’
‘I’m not trying to, Tom. But I like your dad and he likes me. He’s been through a difficult time too. Doesn’t he deserve to have a little happiness?’
He doesn’t answer me. Then Joe and Daisy come back and the moment is lost.
Chapter Sixty-Nine
Two weeks later, Charlie and I are standing against the barriers outside a theatre in London. We are very squashed as the weight of a couple of hundred hysterical middle-aged ladies is pressing at our backs. It’s the opening night of The Barlowmeister’s latest musical and we are hoping to catch a glimpse of him and the boys arriving. Charlie is wearing her favourite T-shirt with ‘Call me Mrs Barlow’ emblazoned across her chest.
We have been here for hours. And hours. And hours. My feet are numb and I need a wee. I can’t, however, go for a wee as the nearest loos are miles away and I’ll lose the place I’ve been guarding with my life. I try to content myself with jiggling instead. It’s not really working.
‘Stop fidgeting,’ Charlie says, ‘or I’ll have to kill you.’
‘We’ve been here for ever,’ I point out. ‘How much longer?’
She checks her watch. ‘The show starts in about half an hour, so he’ll be arriving very soon.’
‘Good. I can’t last much longer.’
‘Can I point out that some ladies have been camping out here on the pavement under the stars – or streetlamps – for three days to get the best spot on this barrier?’
‘Three days! That’s madness.’ As much as I am coming to love Gary Barlow, I don’t think I’ll ever love him that much. Three hours, I think, is probably the limit of my adoration. I like the comfort of my own bed too much. Even now, I’m wishing I’d brought sandwiches.
Nice Paul is right here on the barrier next to her. He’s been here for a long time too. We’re going to have a meal together after we’ve seen Gary and Co. head inside. Then we’re going to wait outside again afterwards until they come out at the end of the show. I think I might give the last bit a miss, if Charlie doesn’t mind going home with the other fans rather than me. I don’t think my dedication quite matches theirs yet.
‘How’s it going with Joe?’
‘OK,’ I tell her. ‘One of his kids likes me now. Daisy’s on side. She messages me regularly.’ Silly little things from Snapchat mainly, but that’s enough. ‘I’ve still yet to win Tom over, but I’m prepared to keep trying.’ I’ve done my best. Joe took me to watch him rehearsing for a music concert as he’s a talented guitarist, but he studiously ignored me from the stage and when we met him afterwards. I wasn’t allowed to go to the real concert as his mum would be there – though she did actually turn up for this one. Last Saturday morning, I also stood at the side of the road in the rain and cheered him along as he ran the Costa del Keynes half-marathon. He high-fived his dad and ran straight past me. I clearly have a lot of work to do yet.
‘Shagger was asking about you.’
‘I haven’t seen him for ages,’ I tell her. ‘Last time we spoke, he wanted me to go to his club with him and I told him I wasn’t interested. I’m not sure if he can cope with that. He’s probably used to women falling at his Ted Baker-shod feet.’
‘He seems pretty keen,’ she says. ‘He’d normally have moved on by now.’
‘I suspect it’s only because we haven’t had any new waitresses for a while.’
‘Ah,’ she agrees. ‘Probably.’
The stupid thing is that part of me likes the lack of complication offered by Mason – as long as you don’t mind threesomes, obvs. Building a relationship with Joe is flipping difficult. It’s hard to make yourself part of a tight-knit unit and I know that I’ll always be second best. Joe’s kids will always come first no matter what the demands. Maybe if Mason was older or looking to settle down then it might be a different matter. It’s possible that we could have a future together. However, I’m at an age where I don’t want to be someone’s fuck buddy. Even the term makes me shudder. I need to be more than that.
‘You’ve never been married, Paul?’ I ask across Charlie – mainly because I want to stop thinking about my own tortured love life.
He shakes his head. ‘I came close once, but I think I dodged a bullet there. It wouldn’t have been right for either of us.’
‘And now?’
‘I’m waiting for someone special,’ he says and we exchange a glance over Charlie’s head and then smile at each other. I knew it! To coin one of my nana’s phrases, he is sweet on her and Charlie is oblivious. Or pretends to be.