Midnight Sun(48)

He points at the sky. I look up and gasp. It’s like a million stars are staring back at us. Like this overlook is the doorway to heaven itself.

We climb into the back. He’s got blankets and pillows and a thermos of hot chocolate waiting there. He pours us each a cup, puts on lids, and hands one to me. I snuggle into his arms.

I take a sip and point up at a star. “Can you name that one?”

“That’s Charlinium,” he says with a laugh. “Because it’s really huge and powerful.”

I roll my eyes at him and point to another.

“That one’s Burritorium, because it’s in the shape of a burrito.”

“That’s Procyon, silly,” I tell him. “Eleven light-years away.”

He turns to look at me. “So we were about seven when that light was made?”

I nod. “Good math. That was also when you got your first skateboard, right?”

I watch Charlie’s eyes grow wide. “How did you know that?”

I decide I might as well tell him the truth. The whole truth this time. We don’t have much time left together. “Charlie, that night, when we met at the train station… I already knew you.”

I can’t tell if he’s weirded out or creeped out or what. His face is in total neutral, like I just told him it was going to rain tomorrow or something equally benign. “What do you mean?”

I stare up at the sky. “In elementary school, you walked past my window every morning at dawn on your way to swim practice.”

I sneak a sideways glance at Charlie. He doesn’t look scared, so I keep going. “In third grade, you started skateboarding. In sixth grade, you wore a Ken Griffey Jr. jersey every day for, like, a month. In ninth grade, you buzzed your hair off. I waited for you. It was the best part of my day. So by the time we met, you were already a part of my life.”

I finish my confession and hold my breath. Charlie doesn’t say anything for a while. I don’t press him either, because I understand what I just put out there is a lot to absorb.

Finally, he comes out with this. “I can’t believe you still liked me after you saw that buzz cut.”

I giggle. Leave it to Charlie to make me laugh at a time like this. To not judge me, but simply to love all that I do and am. Even when I’m admitting to being the world’s most unlikely stalker.

“I just wish I’d looked up,” he says. “Then I could’ve been with you this whole time.”

He doesn’t realize what I’ve known all along. He’s always been there with me. “You were,” I tell him, then I take a big breath and jump off into the deep end. “I love you, Charlie.”

He touches my face. Looks into my eyes. His are filled with tears, but happy ones. “I love you, too.”

He pulls me to him and I fall into his kiss. We kiss for every star in the sky. We kiss for every kiss we missed in the past and every kiss we’ll miss in the future.

I know my nights are getting numbered. I know my days are getting short. I need to seize every moment I have left. I hang on to Charlie for dear life.





24

We’re playing cards at my house a few weeks later. I’m definitely more tired, shakier, more fragile than before. The truth is, my grip is so weak I can barely keep my hand hidden from the rest of the players—Charlie, Garver, Morgan, Dad.

And, oh yeah… Dr. Fleming. Or Jessica, as Dad now calls her. It’s weird but great.

When she first started checking up on me at home every few days, I felt like I was being a huge burden. I know how busy Dr. Fleming’s practice is and how many kids other than me need attending to.

But it quickly became apparent that Dad was starting to look forward to her coming over in more than just a doctor’s-patient’s-father kind of way. He’d put on his best shirt and shoes, comb his hair just so. I noticed before he did.

“You like her,” I finally told him.

“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied, a blush creeping onto his cheeks.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” I said. “And guess what? I approve. So go for it.”

Dad somehow found the courage to ask Dr. Fleming—I mean Jessica—out to dinner, and she’s been kind of a fixture at our house since then. Dad’s super happy he didn’t have to take a chance on one of the randos from the dating site. I’m happy I’ll be leaving him in good hands. Dr. Fleming has taken great care of me all these years; I’m confident she’ll take just as good care of Dad for me once I’m gone.

The terror that once came with thoughts like that is pretty much gone now, too. And it’s like the way it was with Zoe—once I let go of the fear, knowing I’m going to die soon has lost its power over me, too. I’m determined to live every second I have left to the fullest for however long that might be. Everything and everyone is going to be okay. I just know it. I wouldn’t be able to let go when the time comes otherwise.

Charlie sees me struggling and holds his hand out like a makeshift card holder. I tuck my cards into his palm.

“I’ll call,” I say with a smile, knowing I’m about to kick everyone’s booty with this one.

Morgan reaches across the table and sweeps my chips into the center for me. I flip my cards over from Charlie’s hand.