Messy Love(96)

“Why getting me here then? Why not calling the cops, huh?’’

He shrugged and held up three vials of white powder. I didn’t have to ask what it was. “And I have more at my place along with other stuff. Come on, I’m not a saint, but I’m not hanging around much longer.’’

With that, he shook his head and left, ambling, eyes on the ground and shoulders slouched.

Air flew through my lungs again, but it wasn’t without fear for Marissa. I had always been afraid for myself, but at that very moment I wasn’t terrified for myself, I wasn’t even terrified of facing off with my biological father. What had me sweating buckets and my heart galloping was the fear for the woman who had given me everything in spite of what I showed her and how I had behaved.

I wasn’t just afraid of losing her to the hand of the monster I shared blood with. I was terrified of what could happen to her, of her life ending and what it meant for her family, my family, for the fucking world that would lose one of its lights, a light that shone in the most impenetrable darkness.

I jogged inside the old building, and the mold smell greeted me just like in my memories. It didn’t faze me, though. My past nightmares didn’t assault me because I was in the here and now, my mind entirely focused on Marissa and her well-being. I didn’t care what could happen to me because I wouldn’t be able to escape that obscurity if something happened to the woman who gave me so much of herself when I gave so little.

On the fourth floor, I stopped, and my eyes immediately landed on the first door. It had been painted in a dark green instead of the burgundy it had been when I was there. But it was still as dilapidated at the rest of the building with the paint chipped away and the few curses written by stupid kids.

I didn’t wait and immediately twisted the doorknob. The door opened, the wooden panel crashed against the wall, and the view that hit me had me seeing red.

Marissa’s face, pale and stricken by tears turned to me. Her violet-blue eyes shone with more tears that fell in a river to get lost in the gag that kept her perfect lips parted and stretched to white. I couldn’t see her hands because they were in her back, without a doubt cuffed there. And then, my eyes fell on the dirty mattress she was sitting on, a reminder of what I had to sleep on as a small child.

Bile rose in my throat.

“What are you doing?’’ I snapped at the man I was disgusted to call my Dad.

His smirk didn’t waver, nor did the evil glint in his eyes. He put his flask on the table and extinguished his cigarette on the top of the table. But what caught my attention then was the metal glint on his thigh. His hand closed tightly, and he held up the gun, aiming it at my chest.

Marissa’s distressed sound made me stare back at her.

“Don’t worry, Marissa. Close your eyes, sweet thing.’’

She shook her head. I had no idea how long I had left to live. Maybe fifty years, perhaps fifteen minutes, but for however long I had left to breathe, her wide eyes and pale skin as tears drenched her smooth flesh would haunt me.

“How touching,’’ my father mocked in a cavernous voice, coughing on a laugh.

“Let her go. Your issues have nothing to do with her.’’

He rolled his eyes and relaxed his stance on the chair, but not once did he lower his gun or look away from me. His beady eyes fixed me unnervingly, showing me without saying a word the kind of hatred he felt for me.

“Doesn’t mean I’m going to let her go. Come on, you know it.’’ He pointed at the other empty chair. “Now sit and let’s have a little chat.’’

“Not until you let her go.’’ I clenched my hands harder until my nails scratched my palms to stop myself from walking to Marissa and untying her. Even through the panic gaining on me, I knew it would end badly. Protecting her was important, and for that, I needed to play it smart and fight against all of my instincts born from fears, fears instilled in me by that monster.

“Don’t test me, boy. Sit.’’

His bushy eyebrow hiked up on his wrinkled forehead, and I complied. That was one of the signs I knew to look out for before things turned uglier. My stomach tied itself into more knots.

He glanced at Marissa, and his mean look stopped her fidgeting. She pressed her back harder into the wall behind her. I had never seen that kind of fear on someone else’s face but mine. Never, not even while my apartment was turned into Drugsville and one man was beaten to a pulp.

“Don’t fucking look at her!’’

“And what are you going to do, son? Call the cops on me?’’ His eyes found mine again. His wrinkles deepened as his scowl cast a somber look on his drawn face. “You already did that.’’

“What did you expect me to do? You fucking ruined my life. I owe you nothing.’’

“Careful of what you say,’’ he retorted, and I watched with a dried mouth as the gun went from my chest to Marissa’s direction.

My heart stopped in my chest and with the way it hurt in there, and how my lungs seized, at any other moment I would swear I was having a heart attack, but here I knew what it was.

Panic.

Sheer panic that blinded you and made your whole world tilt and disappear at once.

I jumped to my feet and grabbed his wrist. I forced the gun away from Marissa and back to me. In the struggle, I walked around the table and stopped only when the gun was pressed against my chest, right where my heart beat frantically. My father’s grunt when he couldn’t overpower me like he used to strangely eased some of my nerves but Marissa’s whimpers behind me tore at me. “Close your eyes, sweet thing. Don’t worry.’’