Marek (Cold Fury Hockey #11)(33)

I’d been fucking astounded.

I was also ashamed to realize that even had I been in Gracen’s life during the pregnancy, I would have been gone during a lot of that as an NHL player. She would have been alone regardless, but I could have at least hired someone to help her out. I could have at least had her with me so that I could have taken the burden some of the time when I wasn’t traveling.

After my shower, I head into the kitchen, where I find my parents eating breakfast with Lilly at the long table that separates it from the living area. Gracen is in the kitchen washing a pan that she’d obviously used to make the large plate of scrambled eggs in the center of the table sitting next to a plate of bacon.

“Morning,” I say as I walk in.

I get smiles from my parents, a sort of grin from Lilly, who has her mouth stuffed full of food, and Gracen just keeps her back to me as she scrubs the pan. It’s not a snub at me directly, but I bet she doesn’t return my greeting because she figures I was only offering it to those people at the table.

Those who are in my good graces and didn’t cheat me out of something important.

I walk into the kitchen and grab a coffee cup from the cupboard to the right of the sink. My shoulder is just inches from her and I lean a little left to give her a bump. “Good morning.”

She startles and shoots me a tentative smile. “Morning. Get a plate and eat while it’s hot.”

“Did you eat yet?” I ask her.

“No, I wanted to get this stuff washed up.”

I set my cup on the counter and pull the pan out of her soapy hands. “Go eat. I’ll wash this.”

She stares at me almost blankly, like she can’t quite comprehend me being nice. I understand that. I really do.

I don’t make a big deal out of it as I slide the pan into the sink and turn to make my coffee. “Go. Eat.”

Gracen dries her hands off and goes to the table, sitting down beside my dad. After I get my coffee, I join them, choosing to sit next to Lilly and across from Gracen.

After I load my plate up, I ask, “So what’s on the agenda for everyone today?”

My parents are flying back to New York in a few days, and I know they want to pack in as much time with Lilly that they can. They’re desperate to forge a bond that will remain strong until they come back to Raleigh, which will be sooner rather than later. My dad informed me last night that as soon as they got back to New York they were going to get packed up and head back here for the season.

“We were thinking of driving to the zoo today,” my mom says as she ruffles her granddaughter’s hair. “Right, Lilly?”

“Mmmm-hmmm,” she says as she chews on a piece of bacon and manages to still grin through it all.

“Sounds fun.” I look across the table at Gracen. “You in?”

The quick shake of her head has me swamped with disappointment. “I think I’m going to go out and look at apartments again. Josie recommended a complex that’s fairly close to the hospital.”

“But that would put you farther away from Brassfield,” I point out. Gracen and I had decided that’s the school we would put Lilly in, and she’s going to start tomorrow. Training camp starts tomorrow as well, so I’ll just drop Lilly off on my way there since Gracen has to be at the hospital at 7 A.M.

“I know,” Gracen says softly as she picks up a piece of bacon from her plate. “But Josie knows a doctor whose kids go to Brassfield, and his wife takes them there. She put us in touch with each other yesterday and she said she’d be glad to take Lilly. They live over in that area as well. I can carpool for her kids on the days I have off.”

“How is the job?” my mom asks Gracen.

“I only had the orientation on Friday, but everyone I met was really nice. I’m just excited to get back to work.”

My mom and Gracen launch into conversation about her work as a nurse. Questions that I’d like to know the answers to as well, since I find myself more curious about the woman Gracen turned into over the last few years. But my mind is swirling with the impending changes that are getting ready to happen, and they make me feel off balance. I just got used to the notion of having both Gracen and Lilly here as part of my life.

“Can I talk to you?” I blurt out, interrupting the conversation with a direct look at Gracen.

She blinks at me in surprise and I add, “Privately.”

“Um, sure.” She wipes her mouth her with her napkin and pushes out of her chair.

I do the same and lead the way back to my bedroom. When Gracen steps through I shut the door behind us. I turn to find her looking around curiously and I realize she’s never been in here before.

My eyes slide to the bed where not too long ago I just jacked off thinking about Gracen.

“I think you should just stay here,” I say to her back, and her head whips around to look at me in surprise.

“Stay here?” she asks dumbly.

“Yeah. You and Lilly stay here. It gives me more time with Lilly when I’m not traveling for away games, and can help you save up money for…well, whatever it is you want to save up for.” My words trail off, leaving me sounding lame and unsure of myself.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea—”

“I won’t be a dick,” I assure her hastily. God, I hope my temper stays under control and I’m not a dick to her anymore.