Make Me Hate You(66)

Her tan, slender back was exposed, and Tyler’s large hands splayed in the middle of it, holding her close as they swayed. She leaned into him, holding tightly, a loving smile on her lips that were painted a deep, dark red. She was the center of Tyler’s universe in that moment, with his hands on her like that.

And yet somehow, I could feel his touch, too.

I closed my eyes, and I could feel his hands on my waist, on my hips, his mouth covering mine. I could taste his tongue, smell the faint scent of his cologne mixing with his natural aroma that had always intoxicated me. I rolled my fingers together at my sides, imagining they were in his hair, that his lips were on my neck again, that his body was pressed into mine — seeking, claiming, sieging.

I swallowed back the emotion building at the back of my throat, and then a stiff inhale found me as my eyes shot open.

And Tyler’s gaze was locked on me.

It was inexplainable, what I felt in that moment, with his dark eyes watching me from across the floor. His arms held another woman, but his gaze held me, and every ounce of strength I’d managed to harvest that evening fled away like bits of leaves on the breeze.

I couldn’t stand it anymore.

It was too heartbreaking, too soul aching to put myself through the torture of loving him, knowing I’d never have him, for any longer than I already had.

I felt my bottom lip quiver against the emotion I could barely fend off anymore as I turned away from Tyler, covering my mouth and searching for the newlyweds to bid them goodnight. But after a quick search, I could see they were already gone, and that was all the permission I needed to get the hell out of there.

I fled through what was left of the party, muttering excuse me as I darted between couples and families until I hit the edge of the tent. I stopped long enough to bend down and remove my kitten heels, and I held them in my shaking hand as the other gathered up the skirt of my dress.

It was just a few hundred feet down the beach to the house I was staying in, and the more I walked toward it, the more all the emotion I’d fought back caught up to me. Every cell in my body quivered, eyes blurring, heart squeezing so violently in my chest that I worried it’d break free of my rib cage and leave me altogether.

The band’s music faded behind me, the crashing waves taking its place, and I’d almost made it to freedom when I heard Tyler call my name.

“Jasmine,” he said again when I didn’t stop, and I trembled even harder, willing my feet to keep moving. “Jasmine, wait.”

It was as if that command was one of a god, the way I halted at the words. I closed my eyes, reveling in the cool sand beneath my feet, as if it was the only thing grounding me in that moment.

And in the next breath, I started crying, and I didn’t even bother to try to stop myself this time.

When I turned to face Tyler, his face crumpled at the sight of me, and he opened his mouth to speak, but closed it all the same, shoving his hands in his pockets as if he was afraid he’d reach for me if he didn’t.

I prayed he would.

I prayed he never would.

It was a constant war, one neither of us would ever win.

Time stretched between us under the dim light of the moon, the breeze doing nothing to cool my hot skin as I waited — just like he’d asked. I dropped the skirt of my dress from one hand, my heels from the other, abandoning them in the sand. But Tyler just watched me, his eyes casting their gaze over every inch from head to toe, his jaw tense, eyes filled with an emotion I couldn’t place.

“You left,” he said simply.

I choked on something of a sob or a laugh, though I couldn’t be sure which. “Yes,” I whispered. “Yes, I did.”

“Why?”

My eyes rolled up to the stars, like they would somehow be able to explain what I couldn’t. “Because I can’t do this anymore,” I whispered, rolling my lips together as fresh tears marred my cheeks. When I finally found his gaze again, all I could do was shake my head. “I can’t watch you with her, Tyler. I can’t watch you put your arms around her waist,” I choked. “And her lean her head on your chest, and you hold her the way you held me. I can’t watch you with her at all and pretend like I’m okay.”

Tyler’s lips flattened, his brows bending together so fiercely that a flurry of fear swept over me.

He took one step toward me, and somehow I managed to keep my feet planted. “You said this was for the best. You said you didn’t want me.”

“Well, I lied, okay?” I said, matching his step with my own, and before I knew it, we were chest to chest, nose to nose, every shaky, hot breath of his meeting mine. My hands reached out for him, but I stopped them before they could make contact, holding them in the warm air between us as I whispered again. “I lied.”

The air was thick and heavy, armed with electricity and toxins as we stood there on that beach bathed in starlight. My hands trembled as I lowered them, gently, carefully, until they rested so lightly on the lapels of his suit that I wondered if he’d even feel them at all.

I lifted my chin, looking up at him through my lashes, waiting for him to say something — anything.

But nothing came.

I watched as a range of emotion washed over him, everything from surprise to pain, but he settled on something that looked a lot like anger. He ground his teeth, his eyes welling with tears and jaw muscles ticking from how tightly he held his mouth shut. His mouth opened just enough to let out a hot, quivering exhale, and his eyes flicked to mine.