Lying in Wait(58)

‘Karen, I don’t know … she seemed certain … she doesn’t want to be found.’

‘And what about what we want? Don’t you want to see her?’

‘I do. Of course I do. But … maybe you’re right. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all go and visit her?’

‘Exactly. Well, I’m going to find her first.’ I had the silver-framed photo of Annie from the sitting room on top of my bag.

‘Be careful though, love. You don’t want to give anyone the impression that she’s in trouble. If she’s living a good life now, she won’t want to drag up her past.’

‘I’m going to say that I found the photo and just want to return it to its owner.’

I met Laurence. I apologized profusely for all the time he had wasted looking for my sister’s ‘murderer’.

‘Please, don’t. At least she’s alive. And happy.’

‘And cruel and selfish.’

‘But aren’t you glad she’s OK?’

The way he looked at me when he said it. I noticed again the kindness in his eyes. I tried not to cry and put my head down, but he put his arm gently around my neck and kissed the top of my head. I pulled away, reluctantly. I was momentarily confused, but before I had a chance to react, we were interrupted by Dessie. He caught me by the arm and physically pulled me off the stool, knocking it to the ground.

‘Who the fuck are you?’

Laurence stood up and faced him. ‘I’m her friend. Let her go.’

‘Dessie, please, what are you doing here?’ I shook him off.

‘Your ma rang and told me what happened. She told me you’d be here with a friend. Is he why you left me?’

Everyone in the pub had stopped to stare.

‘I think you should leave,’ said Laurence.

‘She’s my wife.’

‘Not any more,’ I said.

‘I was right about Annie all along. She was nothing but trouble and she never gave a shit about you. I’ll wait for you outside.’

The barman was approaching to remove Dessie. He put his hands in the air to show he wanted no trouble and was escorted to the door.

‘I’m sorry, I have to go talk to him.’

‘Karen –’

‘Laurence, can you give me Bridget’s address in Athlone? I’m getting the seven o’clock bus.’

‘You … what?’

‘I have to find her. Is Bridget on holidays? Why is she in Athlone?’

‘Find Annie? But didn’t the letter say she wanted to be left alone?’

‘Yeah, but she’s not getting off the hook that easily. Can I have Bridget’s address?’

He wrote it into my notebook. ‘Karen, I’m so sorry.’

Outside, I confronted Dessie. I was livid. ‘Don’t you ever do that to me again. You are only embarrassing yourself. I am not your property. I left you, and now I know for sure I was right to do it. Laurence is a friend, a friend who understands about Annie. He has a girlfriend who also happens to be a friend of mine. There’s nothing going on, and even if there was, it’s none of your business.’

‘It didn’t look innocent from where I was standing. Do all your friends kiss you?’

I was shaking with stress and anger, but I managed to walk away.

It was only later, on the bus to Athlone, that I thought about that strange kiss and the way he had said he was sorry. I thought that Laurence really was genuinely sorry that Annie had abandoned me. Or maybe he was sorry that he had kissed me, even though he had done it so innocently. I didn’t know what was meant by the kiss, if anything was meant at all, but I know I liked it. I liked the comfort of Laurence’s arms around me. I liked his kind eyes. I felt that he understood me, particularly about Annie. He had really gone out of his way. On weekends he had gone to garages down the country, and he had illegally pulled files from social welfare records to see how much money Annie had got when she was on the dole, and tried to reconcile it with amounts marked in that notebook of hers. Of course Bridget helped too, but I don’t think she was as interested. Laurence really cared. I felt bad for even thinking that way, betraying Bridget.

I got off the bus in Athlone late that Wednesday night and walked through the rain until I turned up at Bridget’s door. I should have looked up her parents’ phone number and called first. Her mother ushered me into the front room. She spoke in the exact same nervous, rushed way that Bridget did.

‘I recognize you from the photo! You’re Bridget’s friend Karen. Come in out of the rain! Did she ring you with the news? You’re very good to come. She’s devastated! Hang on there now till I call her down. You’ll have a cup of tea.’ And then she disappeared and I heard her shouting up the stairs to Bridget.

I was utterly confused. What was she talking about? Why was Bridget devastated?

When Bridget appeared, her face was pale and her eyes were red-rimmed. She was very surprised to see me.

‘Karen, what are you doing … how did you know?’

We exchanged our news and I realized why Laurence had avoided answering any of my questions about Bridget. He had broken up with her three nights previously. I tried to put the kiss to the back of my mind and comfort my friend. I explained that we’d had a letter from Annie postmarked Athlone.