Love Songs & Other Lies(63)
Mom takes a step away from the counter and stops. “We did.”
“You did what?”
“We got divorced.” I tear my eyes from the window and meet my mother’s, which are shiny. “We were waiting to tell you after you graduated. We thought we could work it out with space and a separation. It was finalized over the summer.” Her eyes drop to the counter, where she’s fidgeting with the spoon. “We didn’t want it to overshadow your senior year.”
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” My shoulders are shaking, and my breaths are tiny and short—I feel like they’re stuck in my lungs. “What a great graduation present that would have been.”
“That’s not the whole story, Virginia—”
I throw the black remote, shocking both of us, and watch as square plastic panels crack off and litter the floor. “I don’t want to hear the whole goddamn story. You should have told me.”
She’s staring intently into the pot like something interesting is happening there. “Yes.”
“And the house?” I wonder if she’s going to try to lie. “I’ve been there. Your stuff’s still in it.”
Her head pops up and she looks surprised. “Your father kept the house. But Virginia—”
I don’t let her finish her pointless excuse. I storm into the hallway, and with one hand on my doorknob, I summon my most composed voice. “I’m not going to Northwestern, Mom. Drop it.” I turn on my music and let it drown out the sound of my mom at the door. If I want lies, I’ll get them from love songs. I don’t need them from my mother.
CAM
At seven o’clock, after a day’s worth of text messages and voicemails begging her to come over, Vee is standing in my living room. Her jacket is still on, and she doesn’t look like her plans include staying, but she’s here.
“We need to stop this.” Even as she says the words, I hope she doesn’t mean them. She waves her hands between us. “Whatever this is, it has to stop.”
I know this is my fault. Between Sienna showing up and my dodging Vee’s questions about my family, there’s no one to blame but myself. But there’s no room for the guilt, because all I can feel right now is anger. I’ve felt guilty for so long, and finally, I’m mad. At everyone. Because once again, I’m losing everything.
“So you don’t want to be friends anymore?” I ask her.
Vee narrows her eyes at me, and I’ve never seen her look like this. “Don’t be an asshole. We became more a long time ago, and you know it.”
“I guess you’ll have to be more specific with me. Exactly what parts were my ‘friends with Vee’ benefits, and which were my ‘more than friends’ benefits? I’m just curious what exactly will change. I mean, do I still pick you up for school? Do you pretty much live at my house? What about sleeping in my bed? Do I still get to touch you? Where exactly will you draw the line?” Her face pales as I say the words but I still can’t stop. “Hopefully the benefits packages between Logan and me won’t get too confusing for you.”
There’s a moment when I know it’s going to happen. It’s the second after she bites down on her lower lip, when her face fills with something I’ve never seen before. Hate, I think. Then she slaps me across my face. There’s no flirtation or playfulness. She’s out for blood. And when her ring makes contact with my lip, she gets it.
“Shit, Vee.” I swipe my thumb across the warm blood seeping from my lower lip as she shakes her hand out in front of her, staring at it.
“Sorry. Cam, I…” She reaches out for me, then recoils. “No. You know, I’m not sorry. You don’t get to speak to me that way.” She slams her hand into my shoulder. “You don’t get to act like—like—”
“I didn’t mean it, Vee. I just—” I can’t even get my thoughts together, because the only thing running through my mind now is Vee walking out of here. And how I deserve it. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m just so mad.” I grab her hand and she lets me take it. “Not at you, though.”
“I know.” She squeezes my hand. “You need to get shit figured out, Cam. There are things you need to tell me. And until you can, we can’t do this anymore.” She slowly pulls her hand out of my grip. “I can’t do this to myself anymore.”
“You don’t have to know everything about someone to love them, Vee.”
“I get that, Cam, but you do know everything about me. You know all my secrets, all the things I thought I’d never tell anyone. And we’re not talking about knowing each other’s favorite ice cream flavor or which boxers are my favorite to sleep in.” She stops for a second. “It’s the blue ones, by the way. The first ones I wore.” She’s forcing a smile and trying to lighten the mood. She’s as nervous as I am, and I would kiss her right now if I thought she’d actually let me. “This is serious, Cam. You can’t tell me the most basic things about you … about your family. Where you’re from. The fact that you can’t tell me—that says something.”
“It’s not that, Vee.” When I reach for her this time she flinches; like my touch will physically hurt her. I feel like her touch is the only thing that can fix me.