Little Lies(46)

My dad is a really big guy. He’s over six feet tall with wide shoulders. He’s mostly calm, and he doesn’t get mad about much. My mom calls him her big teddy bear. It’s kinda gross the way they are with each other. But my mom is right; my dad is soft, and the second he sees Lavender, head bowed, shoulders curled in like she’s trying to hide herself from the world, the anger drains from his face and empathy settles in its place.

Sometimes it bugs me how different my dad is about Lavender and my mom’s anxiety than he is mine.

His gaze shifts between Lavender and me as all the pieces come together, but it’s Miss Garrett he addresses. “What’s going on?”

Her smile is strained and questioning. “There was an incident, and Kody was trying to help.”

“Lavender, are you okay, honey?” my dad asks softly.

She wrings her hands and nods, peeking up at him. “I’m sorry. I don’t want Kodiak to get in trouble.”

His face softens even more, and a sad smile pulls at the corner of his mouth. I don’t like the way it makes my stomach feel. “I know that, sweetheart.”

Miss Kay, the guidance counselor, appears in her office doorway, and she and Miss Garrett exchange a look as Lavender wordlessly moves into her office. She glances over her shoulder once more, expression full of uncertainty.

I spend the next half hour in the principal’s office with my dad and Miss Garrett, explaining what happened. I don’t really know Lavender’s side of the story, but I tell them mine—how I know Courtney has been saying things to Lavender for a while, that I didn’t know how bad it was, and that I overheard them saying mean things to her when I found them trapping her in the prop room.

Eventually they ask me to have a seat in the office and wait while they talk to my dad. There are no devices allowed in the office, so I ask if I can use the bathroom. While I’m in there, I delete all the messages between Lavender and me. It’s going to cause me trouble, and there will be consequences, but I don’t really care at this point.

I have unanswered messages from Maverick too, but I leave them alone for now. He’ll find out what happened eventually, and he’s still on the ice, where I should be right now. I splash cold water on my face and try to calm my breathing. There isn’t anything I can do about it now, so I try not to focus on all the what-ifs.

By the time I get back to the office, my dad is waiting for me, grim-faced. He’s silent on the way to the car, and my unease grows until it feels like I’m choking. I climb into the passenger seat, but all I want to do is run, to shut my brain off and stop it from racing. My mouth is dry, and my palms are sweaty.

My dad holds out his hand, palm up. He doesn’t have to say anything for me to know what he wants. I slip my phone out of my pocket and set it in his palm. I was smart enough to change Lavender’s contact back to her name while I was in the bathroom. I even put a picture of purple flowers on it.

He stares at the empty message screen for a few seconds before he holds it up for me to see. “Erasing your conversation with Lavender tells me you have something to hide, Kodiak.”

I plant my palms firmly on my thighs, to keep them still and avoid fidgeting. “I didn’t want to get her in trouble.”

I can feel his eyes on me. I bite the inside of my cheek until I taste blood and keep my head down.

“Well, that’s part of the problem, then, isn’t it?”

I look over at him, confused.

“If the content of your messages with Lavender could get her into trouble, that’s an issue in itself, not to mention that you lied to me outright about leaving your math book at school. I don’t even understand what your plan was. You had to know I was going to find out.”

I throw my hands in the air. “You wouldn’t have stopped at the school if I’d told you why!”

“You’re absolutely right. I would’ve called the school and had an adult—namely her guidance counselor—find her so they could deal with the situation at a school level. I also would’ve called Violet or Alex to let them know there was an issue. You are thirteen years old. You cannot make yourself her savior.”

“You don’t understand what it’s like! I make it better for her! I can help when no one else can.”

“You lied to me, knowing full well I was going to find out. This is a real problem.”

“But I was right. Courtney was bullying her! You didn’t hear what she said to Lavender.”

“A teacher would have intervened,” he says.

I scoff. “Yeah, right. You know what happens when Lavender panics. She can’t even talk, so how was anyone going to help her?”

My dad is quiet for so long that I sneak a peek at him. He’s rubbing his forehead, head bowed in something that looks a lot like defeat. “What happens when you’re in high school next year, and she’s still in middle school?”

I don’t want to talk about next year. “River will be there.”

It’s weird. They’re twins, but he can’t help her when she’s in that state. She says it’s because she feels his frustration at not understanding.

“He wasn’t there today, and it wasn’t him she messaged, was it?” my dad asks.

“Maybe she messaged him before me, but I answered first.”

“Maybe, but I have a feeling that’s not what’s been happening. This is getting worse, not better, and it has been for some time now.”