Little Lies(45)

A full-body shudder runs through her, and she makes a sound, but there aren’t any words yet. I wrap her in a protective hug and whisper the calming words that help bring her back down.

“Just ignore them, Lavender. It’s you and me right now. I got you.” I put my hand over one of hers and encourage her to unclench her fist so I can put her palm against the side of my neck. This helps the most, for her to feel how much her panic is mine too, and then we breathe together until she’s calm again.

Her palm is damp and slick, and her nails bite briefly into the side of my neck as I flatten it there. I’m worried she’s hurt herself. It happens sometimes when the panic gets really bad, like that time she got locked in the closet.

The sound of heels coming down the hall barely registers as Lavender drags in deep, gasping breaths, struggling to match her breathing to mine.

“What’s going on back here?” Miss Garrett demands.

“Lavender’s having an episode. We were trying to help her, but you know how she gets, Miss G,” Courtney lies.

“You should’ve come to get me instead of trying to handle it yourself,” she chastises. “Kody? What are you doing here?”

“I’m helping. And Courtney is a liar. They were bullying Lavender, calling her names and making things worse.” I don’t bother looking over my shoulder when I address the teacher.

Suddenly Courtney and her friends are loud, defensive, calling me a liar.

Lavender scrambles to get closer, to hide more of herself. She’s tiny, the smallest girl in her class, and I’m already five-seven, so I dwarf her and cover her almost completely, keeping her safe from Courtney and the other mean girls. She buries her face against my chest, trying to muffle the desperate sounds that leak out of her.

I keep telling her it’s okay and that I’m here and no one can see her while Miss Garrett orders the girls to go to the office.

“Kody, I need you to let go of Lavender, please,” Miss Garrett says.

“Just give me a minute. I can make it better,” I tell her.

Miss Garrett touches my shoulder. “I know you’re trying to be a good friend, but this isn’t appropriate.”

“She needs me!” I snap.

“If you don’t do as I ask, Kody, I’m going to have to get the principal.”

Lavender takes a deep breath and lifts her head, those bright blue eyes meeting mine. She mouths the words I’m sorry and drops her hand from the side of my neck.

I don’t want to let her go, but I also don’t want to get in trouble with the principal, and I’m already going to be in shit with my dad over this. There’s no winning, Lavender is going to be embarrassed, and there’s a good chance she won’t be at school tomorrow as a result.

“Oh my goodness, Kody! Are you okay?” Miss Garrett’s eyes are wide with shock, and her horrified gaze is locked on the side of my neck.

I don’t understand, at least not until I rub my sweat-damp skin and look down at Lavender’s palms, which are decorated with crescent-shaped cuts, oozing blood because her nails are too long again. She curls her fingers into fists to hide the damage.

“It’s fine. I’m not hurt; Lavender is,” I tell her.

“Did those girls do this to you?” Miss Garrett crouches down beside us.

Lavender shakes her head, eyes darting between me and Miss Garrett.

“It happens when she’s really upset; she can’t control it,” I explain, encouraging Lavender to open her hands.

Miss Garrett’s hand comes up to cover her mouth, but she quickly schools her expression and clears her throat, her eyes soft. “We need to get you to the office so we can get those looked at, Lavender.”

Now that the panic is over, for both me and Lavender, I can see how big the problems are here, and now I’m worried about a lot more than hockey practice and my dad being mad that I lied. I’m worried about Lavender getting bullied even worse because of this, and what Queenie is going to say when I have therapy later this week. But I shove that into the box in my head and lock it for now. I’ll have lots of time to worry later.

“Can we clean up her hands first, please, Miss Garrett?”

She purses her lips and nods slowly. “Of course.” I can tell she’s unsure about leaving me alone with Lavender, but she pushes to a stand. “I’ll be right back.”

As soon as she’s gone, I turn back to Lavender. “Has it been this bad for a while? And don’t lie; I’ll know if you’re not telling the truth.”

She licks her lips, her tongue running over the scar on the bottom one. “I was handling it okay until today,” she whispers. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault.”

“You’re going to be in trouble.”

I shrug, like it doesn’t matter. She’s already upset enough. She doesn’t need more things to worry about. So I lie, not wanting to send her back into the panic. “It’s gonna be fine.”

Miss Garrett returns with damp paper towels, and we clean up Lavender’s hands and the side of my neck. We’re on our way to the front office when it finally registers that my phone is buzzing in my pocket. I’m scared to answer it, aware my dad is going to freak out. I don’t have a chance to figure out what I’m going to tell him, though, because he’s in the office when we arrive.