Limitless Love (Lotus House #4)(78)
“Clayton…” I knew that tone, and it was thoughtful but tired.
Something inside me flicked to life at the mere consideration that the amazing little girl, the one I’d come to love and care for as my very own, could actually be mine. Maybe that’s why we’d bonded so quickly when she didn’t bond as easily with others. Because she was my daughter.
“No, hear me out. Lily’s donor looked like me. Correct? At least that was the description in the materials you chose from.”
Monet thought about it for a moment before responding. “Well, yes, but we were purposely trying to find characteristics that were similar to my ex-husband as well. Blond hair and blue eyes is not an unusual combination.” She didn’t need to remind me that Kyle and I had something in common, even if it was superficial.
Still, giving it more thought, back when I was twenty, it hadn’t dawned on me that the clinic would actually be generating life with my sperm. Being barely legal, I just needed the cold hard cash to get by while busting my ass in college. All I cared about was the payout. Now I wondered if I had a whole host of children out there. Instead of worrying about that possibility, I got my mind back on the matter at hand. Lily and her paternity.
“That I get. But her blood type is the same as mine. And it’s rare, Monet. Very rare.”
She sighed and lifted up on one elbow, her hair falling in over her shoulder and in between her breasts. I wanted to finger the silky waves but didn’t want to distract Monet from what we were discussing. “Clay, honestly, what you’re leading up to is ludicrous.”
I scowled and couldn’t bite back my hint of irritation. “Why? Because you wouldn’t want me to be her biological father?”
She laughed out loud—tipped her head back, opened her mouth, and shook with it. Actually laughed when we were having a very serious conversation. So serious I got pissed. Mad as hell. Fire licked up and down my spine. I sat up, pressed my hands into my hair, and took several deep breaths, trying to bank back that fire.
Monet followed me up and placed her hands on my back. “You’re misinterpreting my laughter, Clay. It’s joy, honey. The fact that you would even come to such a conclusion is so unbelievably lovely. But you have to realize how unlikely it is. Sure, you have a rare blood type and donated at the same clinic I used several years ago, but the odds have got be astronomical. I mean…”
“A gift from God,” I offered seriously.
She smiled and pressed the length of her body against my back, warming the sudden chill I’d felt. “A miracle. Yes.” She kissed my back and flattened her mouth to my flesh so I felt her speak. “I’d love nothing more than to find out that Lily was indeed your child, but a piece of paper wouldn’t mean anything to me. Not if you already plan on taking that role, which you yourself stated you have. Unless something has changed in your plans and I haven’t been given the new information.”
I cringed and ground my teeth. Maybe she was right. The idea that the cosmos had put this insanely gorgeous woman—my exact type—in my path, not to mention have her be someone who was artificially inseminated with my sperm from a sperm bank I donated to a decade ago? I sagged against her, my shoulders curling forward with defeat. I guess it did seem a little out into Deep Space Nine territory. Even so, the hope was there, and I didn’t know how to turn that off.
Monet waited patiently while I came to terms with the ridiculousness of what I’d been suggesting. It may have sounded crazy, but it didn’t change the fact that I wanted it to be true down to my very core. To know that Lily was mine and that I might’ve had claim to her biologically… At this point, it would be a fucking dream come true. Only, it was not often that dreams came true, and I’d already found my dream come true in Monet. I shouldn’t be greedy for more.
“Clay, since we’re talking seriously, can I ask you one of my own?”
I locked an arm around her form. “Ask me anything, beautiful. I’ll always tell you the truth.”
She nuzzled into my side. “Why did you bail on what we’d started last year when you helped move Mila in here?”
Unable to stop it, my entire body tightened. We’d just discussed some heavy shit, but if this woman was to be mine for good, she’d need to know why I was so spooked. More than that, she needed to know about my past. Hugging her close I inhaled her jasmine scent, reminding me that no matter what, I had her, I had Lily.
“Years ago I was engaged to a woman named Stacey.”
Monet dug her fingers into my side and stiffened. I rubbed her arm and along her hip to soothe the reaction. “I’m okay, just surprised. Keep going.”
I swallowed around the sour taste that hit my mouth at remembering Stacey and all that she represented.
“One day, my then girlfriend told me she was pregnant. Even showed me an ultrasound picture to prove it. We hadn’t been together that long, but I was young, stupid, and in what I thought was love—but more importantly, I was a proud man. If my woman was pregnant with my kid, I’d be damned if I didn’t put a ring on her finger and make an honest woman of her. So I asked her to marry me. Moved her into my house and started planning for a future.” I ran a shaky hand through my hair, remembering how Stacey had smiled and accepted my ring instantly. Lies. All lies.
Monet’s voice was raspy when she responded. “Why do I get the feeling this went bad really fast?”