Limitless Love (Lotus House #4)(60)

“You did keep us safe. You being here, putting in that alarm…” My voice cracked. “Clay, it could have been so bad.”

His jaw went hard, and a flicker of anger passed over his eyes. “But it wasn’t.”

I shook my head. “No, it wasn’t. Because you took care of us.”

He sighed, tucked Lily close, pulled the blanket up over her shoulders, and ran his fingers through his spikey hair.

“The detectives are no closer to finding Kyle. The only thing they can surmise now is that he’s still in town. They’re going to put a car on the house again, but they’ve got nothing. No leads. He hasn’t gone to any of his old haunts you mentioned, and his family hasn’t heard from him. Or they’re lying about it,” he hissed. “It’s so goddamned frustrating. I want him locked up.”

I reached a hand out and wiped it across his forehead before raking my fingers through his hair. “I know. Me too. We just have to believe it will happen. In the meantime, we’re being vigilant.”

He sighed, and it sounded like the entire weight of the city was lying on his chest.

“Monet, we need to get you some training.” His voice was a low, tired rumble like a storm slowly moving in.

I frowned. “Training in what?”

“Self-defense. Nicholas offered to teach you. Says he’s taught it in the past. I asked him to do it at Lotus House in one of the private rooms.”

Self-defense. I lifted a shoulder and dropped it. “I mean, it couldn’t hurt. If it would make you feel better, I’ll do it. Not sure I’d be any good at it.”

His blue eyes shot to mine. “It would make me ecstatic. I also need to know how you feel about firearms.”

The mention of firearms made me shift up and onto my elbow so I could see him better. “I don’t know anything about guns, Clay, and I’m not sure I want to.” Guns killed people. My stance had always been that if a person wasn’t a trained professional—say a soldier or a police officer—there really wasn’t a reason for them to have a gun. I could see people living off their land owning guns, needing it to hunt and eat. But in the city? In a hippieville college town like Berkeley? Nope, just didn’t add up for me.

Clay bit into his bottom lip. “I own a gun. It’s back at my pad. Want you to know I’m planning on bringing it here and putting it in a locked box in the closet. If for some godawful reason Kyle gets into the house, I want you to be protected regardless of where I might be.”

I narrowed my eyes and focused a hard stare on his face. “And where would you be?”

He lifted his arms showing his hands. “Fuck, I don’t know. In the garage, reading to Lily, cooking dinner, checking the mail, running to the store. Beautiful, I have to know at the very least I’ve left you the tools and skills needed to protect yourself in the event that he gets to you first.”

“Clay…”

He shook his head frantically. “I’m not going to bend on this. Tonight was a huge wake-up call.” He sat up, put his fingers into his hair, and rested his elbows on his bent knees. “We need to be extra careful, and that means me protecting my family by whatever method I deem necessary.” He glanced over his shoulder, the depth of sincerity in his eyes flooring me. As worried as I had been tonight, I think it hit Clayton even harder.

“Do you understand, Monet? I’m your man. I’m this little girl’s male role model. I’m nothing if I can’t protect the two of you. Nothing.” Clayton’s voice trembled when he spoke next. “And I’ll have nothing if something happens to you. You get me?”

I didn’t exactly get him, but I understood where he was coming from. This thing between us was new. Hell, just tonight we’d admitted our love for one another, and he’d practically shoved his way through moving in with me, another issue we hadn’t talked about.

Not that I minded, though. I liked having him here. I wanted him here. Lily would love the heck out of him being with us full-time. My love bug was attached. Attached in a way a person doesn’t come back from, which scared and excited me to no end. But Clayton’s declaration of being the man of the house, the man in our lives, washed over me in a pleasurable yet again frightening way, because of what it would mean if we lost him.

I sat up, went around the bed, and crawled into his lap, careful not to wake Lily. He held me close as I hugged him, allowing our hearts to meld and speak for us. His head dipped low and he placed his lips against my neck. “I wanted tonight to go so differently. I’d planned on seducing you in the shower and then spending the rest of the night making love to you.”

Not being able to stop, I grinned against his warm shoulder. “That would have been nice. Still, we had a great shower.”

He chuckled, and just the sound loosened some of the tension still lingering from the evening’s happenings.

“We have so much time to cross that final barrier. It’s kind of fun enjoying the ride, don’t you think?” I clung to his broad shoulders as he rubbed his hands up and down my ribs, over my thighs and back. I think the repetitive motion was calming him as much as it was soothing me.

“We need to go to sleep. Lily’s got school.”

I shook my head. “No, I’m keeping her home tomorrow. It’s been a really hard night, and she’s going to need some time with us to get past it before going back to school. I think I need that too.”