Limitless Love (Lotus House #4)(21)

Matisse was my father’s illegitimate child. I only learned of her existence when I was eleven years old and she was eight. For years, my father lived two lives. He had Mom and me, and at some point a couple years after they had me, my father wooed and impregnated his mistress. For a decade, he’d been unfaithful to our mother. Until that fateful day when Matisse’s mother died in a car accident. All our lives changed in an instant. My father admitted his transgressions, explained the circumstances to my mother and me, and apologized profusely. Then he asked my mother to take in Matisse and raise her as her own.

My mother, saint that she was, took in his daughter and lavished her with love. My mother’s parents, on the other hand, had not accepted her. They were very old-fashioned and strict about familial ties. Matisse was not welcomed into their arms or their estate. She didn’t share blood with my mother, nor did my mother adopt her; therefore, she was not included in the will. The lawyer correctly pointed out that Matisse had no standing to challenge the will. This infuriated Matisse and Kyle.

My hand shook as I lifted the coffee to my lips and took a sip. The smooth Columbian flavor settled over my tongue, and I sighed, thankful to be alive.

Alive.

Just the other night I was close to death on the cold black pavement of the parking garage. My knees and elbows throbbed with the beat of my heart at the memory. I practiced my yoga breathing as the visions took over.

Kyle’s knees pressing into my lower back felt like an anchor holding me down.

The forceful tug of my hair so tight, pieces ripped out from the roots.

Blood oozing down around my hands, sticking to my clothes, and pooling around my body.

The first bite of the knife as it pierced the skin of my neck.

Screaming.

“Help me! Please!” I opened my mouth and screamed at the top of my lungs.

“Monet! Moe! Please, please come back!” Someone was yelling. At first it sounded far away. The sound echoed down a long length, like it was traveling down a tunnel to reach me.

“Mommy, Mommy!”

Oh my God, my daughter. I looked around but couldn’t see anything but the garage. “Lily!” I cried out. “Where’s my daughter?”

“Mommy! Please, Mommy!” I couldn’t see her. Kyle must have had her. He took her like he said he would.

No. No. No.

“Moe!”

Hands around my shoulders. Fingers digging into my biceps.

“Monet! Honey, please!”

Hands around my neck. I can’t breathe. He’s killing me!

“No, no, let me go. Don’t touch me!” I screeched until a burning sensation and a crash around my feet broke me out of my hallucination. Kyle had been here, holding me down, trying to get to me again. Only, he was gone, the dark garage replaced with the bright light of my kitchen. I blinked several times trying to rid my mind of the fear and anxiety ricocheting through me.

I trembled hard as my vision wavered. A burning sensation sizzled against my bare feet. I looked around and found Mila, with tears running down her cheeks, holding a crying Lily to her chest. Atlas was standing in front of me with his arms out, as if he was about to wrestle a wild animal but was trying to calm it first.

My body shook as if I was being vibrated from the inside out by a giant machine. Then my teeth started to chatter, and I couldn’t catch my breath.

Atlas moved closer, his arms and hands extended in front of him. “That’s it, Monet. It’s just me. Atlas. You’re safe. We’re here for you, honey. And you’re safe. Kyle is not here. He’s not here. No one is going to touch you or hurt you.”

“Mommy!” Lily cried out again.

I looked down at the coffee splattered all over the ground, the porcelain cup shattered in tiny pieces everywhere.

“I think I just had a panic attack,” I said right before blackness swept into my vision and blurred out the edges. Atlas locked an arm around my waist before I completely lost it. He led me to the couch and sat me down. Once I was seated, he kneeled and pressed his forehead to mine.

“Breathe, sis, and watch me. Keep your eyes open and look at me. Inhale for four beats, and then exhale for four beats. Follow my breathing.” He used the same voice he used in the yoga classes he once taught. Melodic, tranquil. I followed along willingly.

For a few minutes, we breathed together until I felt my heart rate decrease, the sweat on my neck and brow cool, and the trembling abate.

“Mommy?” Lily said from across the room.

I inhaled slowly and pushed back from Atlas. “Thank you. I’m better now.”

“Flashback?” He stood and stepped away.

“I think so, but it was more random and disjointed. Honestly, I’m not really sure what that was exactly.” The fact that it was on the heels of the memory of Kyle and Matisse at the law office made it worse. I knew between the betrayal of my sister and the attack from Kyle, I was no longer operating on a healthy level.

“Mommy?” Lily said again in her small voice, a hint of fear and concern making it sound deeper.

“Come here, baby,” I said, holding my arms out.

She flew into my arms, and the pain of her embrace blasted through me, but I choked back the cry and instead gritted my teeth waiting for the pain to abate. Lily was more important. She pushed her tear-stained, stricken face directly into my neck.

I petted her hair slowly and hummed the way I did when she was scared. Same as I’d done while rocking her as a baby. “I’m okay, honey. Mommy just had a bad daydream.”