Lilac Lane (Chesapeake Shores #14)(34)
Her heart thumped unsteadily. “What, Ash? What could you and my mother possibly have kept from me that’s so terrible? Is it about my father?”
“No, this is about your mother and me.”
Deanna didn’t understand and told him just that.
“Just hear me out,” he said, but then fell silent, his expression more deeply troubled than Deanna could ever recall.
“To be honest, after a while I almost forgot about all this myself or at least managed to tell myself that it didn’t change anything,” he said eventually. He gave her a long look, his expression oddly wistful. “We were so happy together, the way a family was supposed to be. The day I met you and your mom was the very best day of my life, and not a day went by after that when I wasn’t grateful for everything we had. I stopped thinking about the one thing we didn’t have.”
The knot in Deanna’s stomach tightened. “Just say it, Ash. You’re scaring me. We were a great family. All of my friends envied how close we were. They loved coming over here. They said their parents never laughed and teased each other the way you and Mom did, as if you were practically newlyweds.”
The color actually seemed to drain from his face then. Deanne regarded him with dismay. “I’ve really upset you, when I was trying so hard to do the opposite. What did I say?”
“It was a lie,” Ash responded bluntly, the ugly word left hanging in the air between them.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she said, thoroughly confused. “I know exactly how wonderful our life was. I was here every minute. I remember everything from the day we moved into this house.”
“You don’t remember a wedding, do you?” At her stunned silence, he gave a curt nod. “Of course not, because there wasn’t one, Dee.”
“There must have been one,” she protested, searching her memory for something, anything to prove him wrong. Not one single image came to mind. Frowning, she asked, “Did you and Mom elope or something?”
“No. There was never a wedding. We couldn’t get married because your mother never divorced your father. I suppose at some point after she disappeared, he could have sought to resolve things by divorcing her on grounds of abandonment or something, but she wouldn’t file the paperwork to divorce him and he never tracked her down to file, either.”
Deanna stared at Ash in dismay. The cozy, sun-splashed kitchen suddenly seemed to darken, as if a cloud had passed overhead. “That can’t be. She left him years and years ago. They must have gotten a divorce.”
“They didn’t,” he said flatly. “Believe me, I would know. It’s something we argued about again and again, but she was afraid if she filed for divorce, he’d find her, maybe even sue her for custody of you, possibly even accuse her of kidnapping you. I tried to tell her there were no grounds, since she was your parent and there had never been any legal ruling to grant him custody.”
Deanne struggled to make sense of what he was telling her, but couldn’t. “That’s just crazy,” she said finally. “When people split up, they get a divorce. I mean even people who don’t believe in divorce find a way, an annulment or something. They don’t just run off and hide and pretend it’s all okay.”
“Well, that’s exactly what your mom did, and there was no reasoning with her. I told her it was irrational, but it was fear, Dee. I even asked a lawyer about it. He tried to reassure her, too, to talk her into clarifying the whole situation legally once and for all. She said she wouldn’t risk it. The lawyer swore he could protect her, that we’d prove that we could provide the best home for you, but she wouldn’t take that chance. I have no idea why she was so sure your father would win, but she was obviously terrified. She even threatened to take you and leave me, too, if I forced the issue.”
Deanna couldn’t seem to wrap her mind around any of it. “Do you have any idea at all why she would be so afraid of what he might do? Had she done something he could use against her in a custody battle or something? Had she run because he was abusive?”
Ash shook his head. “I have a theory, but it’s just a theory, Dee, based on the years we spent together. Did you know that your mother’s father had sued for custody of her and won, because her mother had some mental health issues? She was apparently quite unstable, possibly manic-depressive, though she was never diagnosed, according to your mother.”
Deanna was shocked. “I had no idea. Whenever I asked about my grandparents, she just said her family had been kind of a mess, but that both of her parents were gone now.”
“They apparently died around the same time you were born,” Ash said. “I don’t think your mother had the same problem as her mother, but I think she was terrified that she might develop those same tendencies. And I think in retrospect she knew that taking you and running away was not the act of someone who was totally rational. In the moment, she wanted to teach your father a lesson, and then it all got out of hand. The longer she stayed away, the harder it would have been to make contact and deal with the consequences.”
The explanation—no more than a theory, as Ash himself had said—made a terrible kind of sense. Still, she had more questions.
“But you adopted me. She and I both had your last name. I remember that day as clearly as anything we ever did together. I wore a new pink dress because it was my favorite color. We stood in front of a judge and then we went out to lunch to celebrate. Mom even let me have a sip of her champagne.”