Lilac Lane (Chesapeake Shores #14)(29)

“Of course he’s reasonable,” Deanna responded defensively. She hesitated before admitting, “But I haven’t exactly mentioned the courses I’m taking.”

Dr. Robbins was clearly startled. “Why on earth not?”

“It’s just that he’s been a little lost since my mom died last year,” Deanna explained, wondering if perhaps she hadn’t been making excuses just to keep from disappointing him. “When I came back to school last fall, he asked what I needed for tuition and room and board and then he wrote the check. I didn’t want to upset him by telling him I was changing my major from business to premed.”

“I’ll bet he’d be more upset if he found out you’re going along with this job for the summer just to please him and giving up the chance to volunteer at Johns Hopkins Hospital, which is what you really want to do. You told me that money for school isn’t the issue, and volunteering will give you all sorts of practical experience. My alma mater is eager to have you there.”

“I know you’re right,” Deanna conceded, sighing heavily. “But I dread having that conversation with him. He’s really looking forward to my being home for the summer. It’s just the two of us now.”

“And there it is,” the doctor said, a note of triumph unmistakable in her voice. “There’s the guilt that convinces me all the more that we’re dealing with anxiety. Believe me, I see this a lot. I’m certain it’s the primary reason you’re feeling so lousy right now.”

“I suppose,” Deanna conceded reluctantly. If it was the explanation, it came attached to a whole lot of emotional baggage she wasn’t ready to deal with.

The doctor leveled a hard look at her that had her squirming. She could guess what was coming.

“There’s one more subject you need to speak to your stepfather about,” Dr. Robbins reminded her. “We’ve discussed this before, too. You need to find out more about your family medical history. You know your mother’s, but you know nothing at all about your biological father’s. Your stepfather may have those answers or, at the very least, he may be able to tell you how to find them.”

It was, indeed, another conversation Deanna had been avoiding, another layer of that emotional baggage that kept piling up. “I feel as if asking him anything about my biological father will seem like a betrayal. Ash has been the only father I really remember.”

“You’re injecting emotion into it,” the doctor chided. “And there is some of that, to be sure, but Deanna, really, this is a medical necessity. You’ve had enough premed courses already to understand that. Genetics is a critical component of understanding what medical risks you might be facing. Will you promise to sit down with him and discuss it? Surely you must have other questions, too, especially since your mother never told you much about your father or what happened between them.”

“She left him,” Deanna said flatly. “That’s enough for me. She must have had her reasons.” Even as she spoke, though, she couldn’t help wondering if blind loyalty to her mother—and to Ash—hadn’t been misguided. She knew plenty of stepchildren and adoptees who craved information about their biological parents, and no one thought less of them for not being happy with the family they had. Had she been afraid of the answers she’d find? She had no idea.

“Well, I’m not going to force the issue. However, the medical questions could loom large one of these days. Think about that.”

Deanna nodded. She knew the doctor was right. And it wasn’t as if she hadn’t had questions of her own over the years about the man she barely remembered, but none had seemed urgent enough or important enough to upset her mother by asking. And Ashton Lane had been all the father she’d ever needed. Rocking the boat hadn’t been in her nature.

Dr. Robbins looked satisfied. “Okay, then. Let me know soon if you decide you want that chance to work at Johns Hopkins this summer. I’ll make the arrangements. As for the way you’re feeling these days, I recommend you put everything else on hold for at least twenty-four hours and get some sleep and something besides pizza and caffeine into your system. I think rest and good food will do wonders. I know you think you don’t dare take any time off right now, but your studying will be far more effective if you’re rested and relaxed. Stop by again in a couple of days if you’re not feeling better.”

“Thank you.” Amazingly, she felt better already as she left the office. Perhaps it was just being reassured that she didn’t have anything dire or maybe it was simply talking to someone who understood the dilemmas in her life.

That improvement in her outlook lasted for the rest of the afternoon, right until she looked at her caller ID and saw that her stepfather was calling. Then all of the panic washed over her again.

When Deanna answered the call, she forced a cheerful note into her voice. “How are you?”

“Super,” he said at once, his tone almost bright enough to fool her. “I was wondering if you might be able to get home this weekend. I know you must be stressed out over finals and that you’ll be home in a couple of weeks, but—”

Thinking of her conversation with Dr. Robbins, Deanna cut him off. “I’ll be there tomorrow.”

He seemed taken aback by her quick agreement. “Are you sure you can spare the time?”