Lady Gone Wicked (Wicked Secrets)(52)

“Go away, Alice,” Adelaide whispered and lay down again, curling her body into a tight ball. “I can’t bear it.”

Alice did not go away. Instead, she sat down on the bed next to her. “What can’t you bear?”

“I can’t bear your kindness. I don’t deserve it.” She turned her face into the pillow to muffle a sob.

“Oh, I am not here to be kind, I assure you. I am here to poke you and prod you until you tell me why you are so miserable. And why you felt the need to douse me in cake.” She paused. “Also, I brought you a sandwich. You didn’t eat a thing on the tray Mother sent up, I noticed.”

Adelaide gave another sob. No, she truly didn’t deserve such a sister! She sat up and blinked rapidly. The tears made it hard to see what kind of sandwich it was. She hoped it was ham, for that was her favorite. Suddenly, she was starving. “I am a terrible sister.”

“It isn’t pleasant to be smothered with cake in front of one’s future family, I must say.” Alice was quiet for a moment while Adelaide devoured the sandwich—and it was ham, how lovely—in small, greedy bites. “Far worse was when I arrived home and you had locked yourself away. You must not do such things, Adelaide. Have a care for my nerves.”

Guilt stabbed at Adelaide. “I am sorry. So very sorry.”

“What happened? Why are you so angry with me? I’ve thought of little else for the past two days, and I still am at a loss.”

“I wasn’t angry. I—” Adelaide stopped abruptly. How could she explain the hideous jealousy that had seeped into her bones like the blackest tar? By simply telling the truth, she decided. “I heard you with Abingdon, in the hall closet,” she blurted. “I know what you did in there.” She took a breath and then another, trying to steady her racing mind.

Her sister looked at her, waiting.

“How could you?” Adelaide whispered. “How could you do such a wicked thing?”

“Braced against a wall. But I don’t suppose that’s what you meant.” Alice looked at her quizzically. “Are you…judging me? Is it so very different from what you did yourself?”

“It’s not about—” She shook her head and leaned forward, clasping her sister’s hands. “Don’t you feel wicked?”

A smile tugged at the corners of Alice’s mouth. “Oh, yes, very wicked,” she murmured, but she didn’t look the least bit contrite.

“I am serious!”

The smile disappeared. “Ah. I see. Yes, I felt that way once. And then…” She shrugged expansively. “I decided I didn’t care.”

Adelaide was appalled. “But it’s wrong. It must be wrong, else it would not lead to such misery.”

“But I am not miserable,” Alice said gently. “On the contrary, I am so happy it almost frightens me.”

Adelaide clenched the bedsheet in despair. “Why is it so different for me? The feelings when I am with Nick are so overwhelming. It makes me do such unladylike things.”

Alice pursed her lips. “Are you saying a closet rendezvous is more ladylike after the wedding vows are taken?”

“Of course not. Lust is never ladylike.” Adelaide traced the seams of the quilt with her fingers. “Not that such issues are likely to arise in my marriage.”

Alice drew in a slow breath of air. “You intend to live separately from Nick, then?”

Adelaide swallowed. “I am marrying Duke Montrose. I don’t think separate residences will be necessary.”

There was a long silence. “Oh, Adelaide,” her sister finally whispered.

Adelaide did not like the pity she heard in Alice’s voice. “I thought you would be pleased. Montrose is a good man, and Mama and Papa are very happy with the match. You never liked Nick. You should be glad to have him out of your life.”

Alice did not look happy. “Nicholas is Nathaniel’s brother. He will never be out of my life, whether he marries you or an Indian princess.”

That gave Adelaide pause. Of course Nick wouldn’t simply disappear in a puff of smoke once her vows were said…but somehow it had not occurred to her that she would still see him.

Dread pooled in her belly. How was she to endure a lifetime of being so close to him, but not close enough?

“Perhaps he will return to India to find one,” Adelaide suggested, knowing even as the words left her lips that he would not. He would not abandon his promised marquessate for anything. Besides, Nick hated India.

“Doubtful. And you will be miserable.”

“Things will be different once I am married. I’ll be fine.”

“Do you really believe that?” Alice asked.

“I have to,” Adelaide said quietly.

“But why?” her sister demanded. “I understand you must marry, but you needn’t marry unhappily. Why marry Montrose if you can marry for love? For I do think Nick loves you, Adelaide.”

“Perhaps he thinks he does, at least a little, although he has never said those words to me. But he won’t. He doesn’t know—” She broke off, biting her lip.

“Adelaide?”

“Our son is alive.”

Her sister froze. “What?”

“Oh, Alice.” Adelaide buried her face in her hands. “I’ve done the most terrible thing. Nick will never forgive me when he learns the truth.”