Kiss My Cupcake(47)

“It did not go unnoticed.” I can’t even imagine how awful it would be to have your family’s messed-up drama become public knowledge.

“Nope. Teens aren’t very forgiving when your parents and your aunt and uncle switch partners. I think their lack of convention made me crave normalcy. I became obsessed with family shows, especially Leave It to Beaver. I loved everything about shows with stereotypical family units who were solidly average.”

“I can see how that would be appealing.” I take in her appearance, from the perfectly styled hair and makeup to the full-skirted dress and cute heels. “I’m assuming it also inspired your fashion sense.”

“Kind of, yeah. The whole thing sort of came out around Halloween and I was already in my Leave It to Beaver phase, and I was in the play Grease, so I started wearing the dresses and never really stopped. It was easier to have people whispering about my weird fashion choices than it was to have them talk about how my parents were probably swingers.”

“People said that to you?”

“There was speculation, and honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that it was true, however I’m happy to be blissfully ignorant on that front for the rest of my damn life.”

Everything I’ve learned about Blaire tonight shifts my perception of her. She’s even stronger than I realized, not taking the easy road where everything could’ve been handed to her on a silver platter.

She sighs. “Anyway, I love them, really I do, but there’s just too much crazy. I know my dad would’ve tried to find a way to let me pursue my passion for baking if I’d really pushed for it, but I needed the separation and I didn’t want to have to compromise. Besides, Maddy and Matthew are up to their elbows in the family biz, and I would really like to steer clear of that whole situation. Not to mention the Skylar situation.”

She’s opened the door to the topic, so I’m happy to walk right through it. Also, she’s right: This is totally like a horrible Jerry Springer episode. “You mentioned you and Matthew dated before?”

Blaire grips the steering wheel tightly and nods once. “He was sort of a rebound. I knew he wasn’t the right one, but he seemed like a decent in-between. I guess that sounds bad. I’d gotten out of a particularly toxic relationship and Matthew came along. He was safe and…very even.”

“Sounds boring.”

She laughs, which is good because this conversation has been a whole lot of heavy. “He was painfully boring. Is, not past tense. I’ve never met a more monochromatic human being in my life, apart from Maddy anyway. They are perfect for each other. All they want to do is work for the family because of all the perks and their ability to take selfies with famous people and travel all over America, while depriving themselves of carbs so they can be Insta-pretty.”

“Doesn’t sound like your type at all.” I don’t know what her type is, but boring and vapid sounds like the opposite of what she’d go for.

“He wasn’t. Like I said, he was a rebound. He was uncomplicated and he seemed to like me. I went out of town for a convention and by the time I came back, well, he and Maddy had hit it off.”

“How freaking long was the convention?”

She gives me a sidelong glance. “Five days.”

“She stole your boyfriend in five days?” Her family really is a bunch of jerks.

“Stole sounds harsh. Matthew and I were not destined for white picket fences, two-point-two children, and a purebred poodle. Besides, we’d only been seeing each other for a couple of months.”

“That’s still shitty.”

“What was shitty was when they ambushed me the second I got home and sat me down together to ask for my blessing to date.”

“And you obviously gave it.” I want to be angry that she folded, but clearly Matthew is a douche and so is Maddy, so it’s better they ended up together. Or at least that’s my assumption.

“Seemed pointless not to when it was obvious they planned to date regardless. I also got to be a bridesmaid at their wedding. On the upside, I’m well aware that Matthew is painfully average in every way.” She motions toward her crotch, as if it needed further explanation.

I don’t want to think about Blaire with that asshole. I don’t want to think about Blaire with anyone, which I realize should raise some serious red flags. However, I’m inclined to ignore those at the moment.

I decide to leave that information alone. For now it’s enough to know he’s barely adequate and vapid. “And what’s the deal with Skylar?”

“She’s always been a hot mess. She was young when the swap happened, so I honestly think it messed her up more than the rest of us. She doesn’t have any kind of moral compass at all, or direction, or independent thoughts. I actually sometimes wonder if she’s my half sister and not just my cousin.”

“That’s a mind fuck, right there.”

“My whole family is a mind fuck. And like I said, I love them and I know they love me even if they suck at showing it. I just want a normal life where I can do what I love without my family trying to railroad me and make all the decisions for me.”

“You’re incredible. You know that, right?”

“My family doesn’t think so.”

“No offense, but your family is fucked.”