Keeper of Crows (Keeper of Crows #1)(45)

Hot tears burned my eyes. “I never thought so until now,” I admitted, my throat clogged with emotion. “Seeing her, normal, was the best gift in the world, but watching her walk away, even to Heaven, was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It’s like getting a shiny new present on Christmas morning and having it ripped from your hands five seconds later.”

“Should I not have brought her back? I thought it was what you’d have wanted.”

“No! Please don’t think I didn’t appreciate it; I just miss her and I’m a mess. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Sometimes, I’m not sure I understand all of the emotions you, and humans in general, feel. I read people and situations wrong sometimes.”

“Bringing my mother here was the right thing to do. I wouldn’t have traded that minute for anything in the world, Michael. Thank you for helping her and for letting me say goodbye.”

He was quiet, staring at the pebbles beneath his bent legs. “You’re an amazing person, Carmen.”

“I’m not. I’m actually a really shitty person, Michael. If you had someone else to compare me to, you wouldn’t say such a thing.”

“I would. I’ve seen countless souls over the eons, Carmen, but none have shone brighter than you.”

Maybe I had half of an excuse for being a bad person. I was raised by the antichrist, after all, so maybe that pardoned my attitude toward life and love.

“You are the most loving person I’ve seen. You don’t love many people, but those you love, you love fiercely, with everything you are. What could be more sacrificing than that?” he asked.

“Sacrificing everything you are for hundreds of people you don’t know and who don’t care to know you…that’s what you do. Every single day. That’s what you do here, Michael. You may not recognize it, but the love in you is greater than anything I’ve ever seen.”





20





For two days, we camped near the silver river. We swam in its cold water, watched it from the bank, let its churning water lull us to sleep.

Michael hovered around me. His crows flew around us and kept watch from their perches on the spindly branches above. There were no fissures. No shudders. No one crossed the boundary. Not even Gabriel returned.

It was too quiet, like the calm before the storm we both knew was coming. I hoped we could weather it.

We didn’t kiss again. Michael didn’t touch me. But we did talk. I told him about my life and he listened, his eyes changing colors with each detail offered. Sometimes I said things just to see what color they would turn next, but he quickly caught on to that game.

“You can hear my thoughts, but I can see your emotions,” I told him. He didn’t like that so much.

He thought he was putting distance between us, but it was me. I’d reeled him in and now had to throw him back. He needed a chance to swim. I just had to figure out a way to convince him to take the leap and leave this hellhole. I didn’t know how long the veil would be sealed. It may need to be sealed forever. If I can do it, a tiny voice teased. Self-doubt was a bitch, and I wanted to squash her along with my father.

“Will you tell me about the city?” I pleaded. The only thing he would offer was that it was crowded, corrupt, and the castle my father had built overlooked it all.

So we ate, brooded, cleansed, watched the crows, and avoided each other. One night, under the faded gray sky that was only slightly darker than it was during the day, Michael came and sat beside me on the rocks. “You’re still soaked.”

It was hard to dry when there was no wind, no warmth, and the river splashed beside us, dampening everything all over again once it began to dry. “So are you,” I said, trying not to look at him.

“You’re upset with me,” he said.

I was. It was pointless to lie.

“Why are you angry?”

“I’m not angry at you, Michael. I’m angry at our situation. And I’m sorry for even speaking about it. I know it can’t be easy on you. These rules would have driven me crazy a long time ago.”

“I wish things were different,” he said, brushing my knuckles with his.

I hissed. “You know, I wish things were different, too. I wish I didn’t feel this connection to you. I wish Mom was still here and Father wasn’t the fucking antichrist, but he is. I wish I wasn’t stuck in this awful, gray hell hole, but I am. I wish I could just stand beside you and stop staring at you, and I wish… I wish for once, someone found me worth it.”

His brows knotted. “Worth what?” he breathed, his eyes turning sapphire.

“Worth everything,” I admitted, turning my head from him.

He was quiet for a long moment and then he stood, I thought to walk away from me for good. He should wash his hands of me. I was far more trouble than I was worth. Ask anyone who’d ever known me.

“You are fearless,” he whispered. “You are a soul, but you tore the veil because you were too stubborn to let merchants drag you through it. You fought, Carmen. Those animals who beat you, who did things… You fought. You never stopped fighting. Even when you looked as though you had lost consciousness, your fingers twitched, trying to stop them. You came to my defense against monsters you couldn’t even begin to fathom. Twice.”