It's Only Love(93)

“Stop, Gavin. Stop.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this. I can’t just pick up where we left off like nothing happened. You hurt me. Deeply.”

“Ella—”

She turned away from his outstretched hand. “And you embarrassed me in front of my family and your parents and friends. Everyone knew you were supposed to be with me. What am I even doing here without you? Dylan is a wonderful guy, but he’s not my friend. He’s yours.”

“I wish there was something I could say that would convince you how sincerely sorry I am.”

“I believe you. I know you’re sorry. I know you wish it didn’t happen. But it did happen, and I can’t act like it didn’t.”

“So I’ve ruined everything? Is that what you’re saying?”

“I don’t know. I need some time to process it. I’m not sure how I feel about it, and until I figure that out, I can’t do this.”

“What can’t you do?”

“This! I can’t have sex with you and be with you this way. I’m confused and conflicted.”

He sat on the bed, leaning on his knees, his head down and his eyes hidden from her. “Conflicted how?”

“My better judgment is telling me to get out while I still can, that this relationship isn’t healthy for me. But my heart . . . My heart cries out for you, it beats for you, it loves you and only you.” She swiped furiously at the tears that cascaded down her face.

After running his fingers through his hair repeatedly, he finally looked up at her. “I’m rooting for your heart to prevail.”

Though the tears continued to come, she laughed.

Gavin stood and came over to her. “What do you want to do?”

“I—I was going to go home tomorrow.”

Placing his hands on her shoulders, he said, “Please don’t. Stay here with me this week. Let’s have this time together to see if we can put this back together.”

Ella thought about it for a minute before she nodded. “Okay.”

“I’ll see about getting my own room.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“You said you wanted some time—and I assume some space. I don’t want to crowd you.”

“It’s okay. You can stay here. With me.”

“You’re sure?”

Ella nodded again.

He caressed her face, and Ella leaned into his touch. “What can I do, Ella? Tell me what to do.”

“I don’t know. I just know I’m not ready to jump back in with both feet. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you. I do. Very much so.”

“That’s a good place to start.”

The phone rang, and Ella moved away from him to answer the call from the concierge, who was checking on the meeting she’d requested for after the wedding. She looked at Gavin, who was watching her closely, when she said, “I’ve decided to stay for the week.”





CHAPTER 28




If it were not for hopes, the heart would break.

—Thomas Fuller



Sleeping next to Ella but not being able to touch her and love her the way he wanted to was absolute torture for Gavin. She was so close yet so far away. He couldn’t say he blamed her for wanting to proceed with caution. Until he’d proven that he intended to be what she needed, she’d be crazy to go all in again, and she was anything but crazy.

But lying beside her, knowing what they were capable of together and not being able to have it? Torture. And he had only himself to blame for their current predicament.

Turning on his side, he could make out the faint outline of her profile in the darkness that was offset only by the nightlight in the bathroom. She was so pretty all the time, but never more so than she’d been standing slightly removed from the rest of the wedding guests as she watched Dylan and Sophia exchange vows.

He’d planned his arrival to coincide with the vows so he could sneak in and take her by surprise at a time when she couldn’t object. He wouldn’t soon forget the way she’d stiffened when she realized who had put his arm around her. Right in that instant he’d known he faced a huge battle to win her back.

The battle for her love and trust was one he intended to win. He considered it a small victory that she’d allowed him to stay in her room, to sleep in her bed, to spend this week together.

“Are you awake?” she whispered.

“Yeah. I thought you were asleep.”

“Can’t sleep.”

“How come?”

“Gee, I wonder.”

Her saucy retort drew a low chuckle from him. “Come here.”

“I’m here.”

“Closer.”

She turned to face him.

“Not close enough.” He held out his arm to her, and waited, his heart beating faster all of a sudden, to see if she’d take him up on the invitation.

After a long pause, she slid across the mattress, closing the gap between them.

Gavin gathered her in close to him, wrapping his arms around her. “That’s so much better.” He ran his fingers through her long hair, combing the silky strands. “After I saw you on Friday,” he said, speaking softly to her, “at your place . . . I already knew then I’d made a huge mistake the night before. When I saw you get out of the car, and the look on your face when you saw me there . . .”