It's Only Love(85)
“I’ve been better, but I’m determined not to be a total drag this week. We’ve all earned this break, and I won’t spoil it for everyone.”
“No one is worried about that, Ella. We’re far more worried about you.”
She shrugged off his concern. “You all tried to warn me. It’s my own fault.”
“It’s not your fault. It’s his fault. He’s a fool, and he knows it.”
“Regardless of whose fault it is, it’s over, and I’ve got to accept that.”
“It may not be over. You never know what’s going to happen.”
“I think it has to be over. I can’t keep doing this to myself. What’s the definition of stupid? Doing the same thing over and over and hoping for different results. That’s me.”
“You’re anything but stupid, Ella.”
“I’d be completely stupid to stay on this merry-go-round any longer.”
“Do yourself a favor, and try to put it aside this week so you can enjoy your vacation. Some time and space away might help to give you some perspective.”
“Perhaps,” she said, saying what he wanted to hear mostly because she’d already made up her mind. No amount of time in the sun would change the irrefutable fact that she and Gavin were just not meant to be as much as she might wish otherwise.
When a knock sounded on the other adjoining door, Ella went to admit Hannah and Nolan.
“Ready to check this place out?” Hunter asked the others.
“Whenever you are,” Hannah said, glancing at Ella, who nodded. If the alternative was sitting alone in the romantic room she’d expected to share with Gavin, then yes, a walk around the resort was preferable. “What about Will and Cam?”
“They’re ‘napping,’” Hannah said, making air quotes around the word napping.
The ache inside Ella intensified at that news. She wanted to be “napping” with Gavin, but that would never happen again. “Let’s go,” she said before she could break down into a sobbing mess like she wanted to.
With the sun shining warm upon them, they walked on winding paths through lush, fragrant vegetation, past a crystal-clear pool with a swim-up bar that Hunter said he couldn’t wait to put to use. Beyond the pool area, they stepped onto sugar-white sand that was warm under their feet and walked to the water’s edge. Ella had never seen water so blue in her life.
It was the most beautiful place she’d ever been, and the thought of spending a week here surrounded by happy couples who were madly in love suddenly seemed like the worst idea she’d ever had.
She wished she were home on her sofa with Ben and Jerry, nursing her wounds in private the way she had in the past. Staring out at the endless blue Caribbean, she decided she’d stay for the wedding and then get the hell out of there on Sunday. It was a big week in the store. She’d be better off there than here wishing for things that would never be.
*
Ella was having a late lunch with her siblings and their mates when Dylan and his fiancée, Sophia, found them. His eyes danced with joy as he hugged each of them. He was tall, blond, muscular and handsome. Sophia was tiny next to him, and she, too, glowed with happiness and excitement. Ella felt small for being envious of a woman she hardly knew. What must it be like to be about to marry the man you love, to have all your decisions made and the future laid out before you with as much certainty as anyone could ever hope to have?
“Thank you for coming so far, you guys,” Dylan said. “Means so much to have you here.”
“It’s certainly no hardship,” Hunter said, gesturing to the beautiful view of the Caribbean from their table.
“I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.”
Ella kept waiting for him to ask about Gavin, but when he hugged her, he only said, “I wondered if he would come. I didn’t tell anyone he might. Just in case . . .”
She gave him a wan smile as she fought through her emotions. What did it say that even his close friend had expected him to bail, but she’d never seen it coming? “We tried.”
“No matter. I’m thrilled you’re here, and we’ll make sure you have a great time.”
“Thank you, Dylan. Sorry to crash your party.”
“You’re not crashing. Not at all.”
“You’re very sweet to say so.”
He squeezed her shoulder. “Where’s Will? He’s here, right?”
“The newest of the newlyweds are napping,” Hannah said disdainfully.
“Lose the attitude, Mrs. Roberts,” Nolan said. “You’re going to be napping soon, too.”
“Good napping or the kind where you actually make me sleep?”
“Both if you’re very lucky.”
Ella stood somewhat abruptly. “I, um, I’m going back to the room for a little while. I’ll catch up with you all later.”
“Ella—”
“I’m fine, Hannah.” Before she broke down in front of all of them, she walked away, certain she—and Gavin—would be the topic of conversation after she was gone. What did it matter? Let them talk. Hopefully, in a few months, everyone would forget they’d ever been together. Especially her. If only there were a pill she could take to wipe her memory clear of the incredibly special moments she’d shared with him. Right about now, she’d give everything she had for that pill.